Some of the very best jokes around aren’t especially long, drawn-out, or overly clever. In fact, the ones that usually make people giggle the most are corny jokes that are guaranteed to make someone gleefully cringe and chuckle at the same time. Think: Dad jokes, and lots of ‘em!
Whether they’re punny or a play on words, corny jokes are the ones that you can reserve for your family dinner table after you’ve finished a weeknight meal — because who doesn’t need a big laugh after a long day? Hold a family “stand-up comedy night” and see who can deliver the corniest jokes, preferably with a spotlight and a microphone. Or share them with your kids so they can take them to school and make their friends giggle, too.
If your fam is perpetually busy, but could definitely use some laughs in the middle of all that hustle, write down a “Joke of the Day” on the kitchen whiteboard, and your kids will look forward to reading corny jokes each and every day.
Or maybe you have a faraway family member who could use a few extra chuckles in their life. Tell a joke or two over FaceTime (and see their reaction!) or write one down in a card to put them in a good mood.
No matter how you use these 115 corny jokes, we guarantee they will spread some smiles out there.
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because he felt crummy.
What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
You look flushed.
Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure?
Because he was a little shellfish.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Why did the chicken cross the park?
To get to the other slide.
What’s black and white and read all over?
Why did the ball leave the party early?
He was on a roll!
Why did the robber jump in the shower?
He wanted to make a clean getaway.
What is a knight’s favorite fish?
Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby?
He was a little hoarse.
How did the black cats end their fight?
They hissed and made up.
What do you call a snake wearing a hard hat?
A boa constructor.
What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A walkie talkie.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
Why do melons have weddings?
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
Why did the photo go to jail?
It was framed.
Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
Why did the baby strawberry cry?
His parents were in a jam.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his field.
What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear?
14 carrot gold.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank.
What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
What did the ocean say to the sand?
Nothing — it just waved.
Why couldn’t the sailor learn his alphabet?
He kept getting lost at C.
What do lawyers wear to court?
What do cows most like to read?
What do you call an unpredictable camera?
A loose Canon.
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.
Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Then it’d be a foot.
Why is the grass so dangerous?
It’s full of blades.
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch.
What does the dentist of the year get?
A little plaque.
What do you call an angry carrot?
A steamed veggie.
Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?
It lifts their spirits.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree?
By the bark.
When is a door not a door?
When it’s ajar.
How do snails fight?
They slug it out.
Which bear is the most condescending?
How do you get a country girl’s attention?
Why do bees have sticky hair?
They use a honeycomb.
Why can’t you trust duck doctors?
They’re all quacks.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
What do you call a toothless bear?
A gummy bear.
Why are spiders so smart?
They can find everything on the web.
Why was the ghost so tired?
He worked the graveyard shift.
How does a duck buy lipstick?
She just puts it on her bill.
Which school subject was the witch’s favorite?
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
What do you call a blind dinosaur?
What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer?
Why do cows have hooves and not feet?
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Why does Waldo only wear striped shirts?
He doesn’t want to be spotted.
What do you get when you cross a cactus and a pig?
A porky pine.
How do you tell if a vampire is sick?
See if he's coffin.
Why do pancakes always win at baseball?
They have the best batter.
Why couldn’t the couple get married at the library?
It was all booked up.
What does a baby computer call his father?
Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house?
The ghosts bring all the boos.
Where do pirates get their hooks?
Second hand stores.
What do you call a beehive without an exit?
How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm?
You look for fresh prints.
What's a lawyer's favorite drink?
What's brown and sticky?
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
How do you make a water bed bouncier?
Add spring water.
Why should you always knock on a refrigerator door before opening it?
In case there's a salad dressing.
What happens when frogs park illegally?
They get toad.
Why won't swords ever become obsolete?
They're cutting edge technology.
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock?
It's too time-consuming.
What kind of shoes do burglars wear?
What job did the frog have at the hotel?
Why did the restaurant hire a pig?
He was good at bacon.
Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover?
You shouldn't press your luck.
Why wouldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino?
He was on a roll.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing — they fast.
Why did the restaurant on the moon get bad reviews?
It has no atmosphere.
How does Moses make his coffee?
What do you call a shoe made from a banana?
Why was the coach yelling at a vending machine?
He wanted his quarterback.
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
What did the termite say after walking into the bar?
"Is the bar tender here?"
Why did the stadium get so hot after the game?
All the fans left.
What do you call a fake noodle?
How did the barber win the race?
He knew a shortcut.
Why don't lobsters like to share?
What do scholars eat when they're hungry?
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Where do baby cats learn to swim?
The kitty pool.
Why did the bicycle collapse?
It was two tired.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they’d be called bagels.
How does a boar sign its name?
With a pig pen.
How do you organize a space party?
Why did the poor man stock up on yeast?
To make some dough.
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
"Hey there, bud."
How does a rancher keep track of his cattle?
With a cow-culator.
Why can’t you trust an atom?
They make up everything.
Why was the robot so tired after his road trip?
He had a hard drive.
Why should you never use "beef stew" as a password?
It’s not stroganoff.
Why is the mushroom always invited to parties?
He's a fungi.
What kind of car does an egg drive?
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’d let it go.
What do you call an alligator detective?
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
When do computers overheat?
When they need to vent.
What kind of music do planets like?
What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her?
What do you call birds that stick together?
What do horses say when they fall?
"I can’t giddy up."
What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race?
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
Why didn't the skeleton get a prom date?
He didn't have the guts to ask anyone.
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