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As e-commerce editors, we essentially shop for a living all day. Sure, we’re not constantly buying things all day, but we spend 99% of the time in the office searching different websites for the best deals, brand-new tech, cool clothing and more. That said, there’s one place we unintentionally land on way more than others. And, if you’re guessing Amazon, you’re 100% correct.
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We’re constantly on Amazon. At this point, most of us editors know Amazon better than Amazon knows Amazon. We’re perpetually posting stories covering the best deals from Amazon that will cover anything from Apple products such as AirPod deals to kitchen must-haves like Keurig single-cup coffee makers. But it ain’t always rainbows and sunshine on the world’s most popular shopping website. Sometimes we find items we simply… didn’t ask to see.
Because we cover just about every kind of product under the sun, we unintentionally stumble onto things we’re shocked to see for sale on Amazon. While some of the weirdest things you can buy on Amazon are simply that, weird, other things feel more or less… bizarre? Disturbing? Legally questionable? We’re unsure. All in all, these products are the kinds that have us scratching our heads.
So, we decided because we had to see some of these products, you do, too. We don’t make the rules. Except for we did. Sorry not sorry. Here’s your warning, though: some of the options in this article are going to get a little NSFW, so be aware. That said, feel free to check out the weirdest things you can actually buy on Amazon right now below.
1. Bread Shape Plush Pillow
Starting off on the wholesome side of things, this bread-shaped plush pillow is actually kind of adorable. We don’t know why anyone would ever want to cuddle up with a large Italian loaf, but the way the woman is holding this large piece of bread in the photo below is making us somewhat curious to do the same. Goodnight, loaf. 🍞
2. Lester’s Fixins Outrageous Wild Crazy Unique Flavor Soda Pop
While we’re on the topic of food, let’s chat about something you can actually ingest — supposedly. Lester’s Fixins offers a wild collection of six different sodas all you weird thing lovers will… enjoy? Some flavors such as PB&J, pumpkin pie and even sweet corn don’t sound too awful, but Lester totally lost us with bacon, buffalo sauce and ranch. Especially ranch. What the hell were you thinking, Lester?
3. Cat Butt Tissue Holder
Aw, but also ew? Whoever created this adorable yet heinous tissue holder should be in jail. But, like, a really cute and nice jail, because this is something we can equally respect just as much as we’d like to burn it alive. This makes an ideal gag gift for any cat lover or, quite honestly, cat hater out there.
4. Realistic Foot Fetish Masturbator
And just when you thought this article was going to stay relatively PG, we had to do it to you. Never let them know you’re next move. Not to kink shame, but this is something that exists. For those of you who needed to know that. For those of you that didn’t need to know that, neither did we. But that’s why we had to tell you. Anyways, you can quite literally ship this to your home in two days if you really want, which is both terrifying yet somehow comforting.
5. Mcphee Archie Handi Squirrel
Okay, time to tone it down a little bit before we go completely off the wall again. This set of five finger puppets created a squirrel on your hand that looks happy and healthy. That said, we like him and he is our friend. He is a little weird but he is weird in a way that we like.
6. Crying Baby Mask
Something about this crying baby mask makes us physically ill and we can’t wrap our heads around why. Freddy and Jason have nothing on this infant. The Strangers? We don’t know them. Clown masks? Who? This baby tops them all. If we see you coming down the street in this mask we will cry and we will also throw up.
7. Wet Fart Spray
We don’t know why it has to exist, but it does. For those of you that like to play pranks on your friends, Amazon has one of the best items you’ll ever need to make win your next prank contest: wet fart spray.
8. Brazilian Butt Lift Toilet Seat Riser Pillow + Back Support
Don’t get us wrong, we stan the BBL. Do what you want with your bodies, girlies. But, we had no idea that this existed? For people with a Brazilian butt lift? With so many positive reviews? Meaning that it is genuinely needed? We really learn something new every day. Again, no judgment, but like, what if you need to go to the bathroom in public? Do you bring your toilet seat risers with you? This discovery has led us to more questions than we will ever have answers.
9. Live Dubia Roaches
Okay, we understand that these are intended for your pets, but it’s also the fact of the matter that any person with access to Amazon can personally order live Dubia roaches to their home just because they can. Obviously do not do that, but it’s bananas that if you wanted to, you could. A whopping hundred of them, no less!
10. Wolf Dildo Realistic Animal Penis
We’re sorry we had to show you this. But, we accidentally stumbled upon it and so we decided it was important for you to see it, too. This realistic wolf dildo is actually being sold on Amazon. And, it has reviews. Again, we’re not here to kink shame… but… like… baby, this is an animal. It has what folks call “the knot” and all. Which, turns out dogs and wolves have when they become er*ct? Feeling traumatized.
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