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Billie Eilish is in her element. Sitting cross-legged on her bed in her childhood Los Angeles home, the singer, then 16, records bits and pieces of her song “Bury a Friend” alongside her brother and producer, Finneas. It’s an intimate, never-before-seen look at the songwriting process between the duo and just one of the many deeply personal forays into her private life in the new documentary Billie Eilish: The World’s a Little Blurry.
Now streaming on Apple TV+, the feature-length film follows Billie and her family for nearly two years through the creation and tour of her 2019 album When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? Throughout, fans get a sneak peek into the hectic life and highs of a rising international superstar while following the teenager through lows like heartbreak, physical injuries, mental strain, and taxing tours.
Composed of private home videos and behind-the-scenes footage, the documentary puts the life of the 19-year-old Grammy-winning singer into perspective. It’s a refreshing, unfiltered look into how one song, released online when she was 13, completely changed her life. The World’s a Little Blurry also gives fans a deeper look into Billie's private life, providing little details like her disdain for the color pink that humanize the world-famous star.
There's a lot to unpack. So, below, we rounded up some of the most important and fascinating moments from the Billie Eilish documentary.
Her family is very supportive.
Early in the film Billie says being surrounded by music while growing up contributed greatly to her artistry. Her mother taught her how to write songs, while her father showed her how to play piano and ukulele. Finneas would sing harmonies for her whenever she entered a talent show. “Our family was just one big fucking song,” she says. But it’s not just musical talents she inherited—Billie's mom and dad show throughout the doc that the teenager has a “whole army of people” to support her and keep her grounded.
She isn’t interested in sacrificing art for commercial gain.
The singer reiterates throughout the film that she’s not in the business of making top hits or music everyone can relate to. Instead she’s dedicated to making art that is authentic to who she is now, whatever that looks like. When asked why she doesn’t just write happy music, she responds, “I’m never feeling happy, so why would I write about things I don’t know about? I feel the dark things. I feel them very strongly, and why would I not talk about them?”
One emotional moment: During the recording of “Listen Before I Go,” which is centered around suicide, her mom asks if the singer really wants to go that “dark.” Billie responds, “This song is the reason I don’t...saying it instead of doing it is better.” Later she explains that having a song describe exactly how you feel “is the best feeling in the world” because it can make you feel less alone.
Her injuries have taken a toll on her mentally and physically.
Billie is injured several times throughout the documentary. During one tour, the singer has shin splints so bad she can't walk and has to get piggy back rides from her father. On that same tour, she throws out her neck and sprains her ankle. Regardless of these injuries, Billie goes onstage and performs to the best of her ability. In a separate incident in Milan, the singer busts her ankle during her first song and has to finish the show in a brace.
These injuries take a toll on Billie's mental health, something she reveals she's dealt with for years. It turns out a severe hip injury prevents her from dancing—a passion she used to practice 12 hours a week before she got hurt. “It was the most depressing year of my life,” she says. “I just laid in bed and I couldn’t move. Since then I have not danced.”
We get a peek at Billie’s unreleased song “Guess.”
Around the 26-minute mark of the documentary, Billie sets up a camera facing her and Finneas in a bedroom of their childhood home. She croons into her microphone a snippet of a song she teased on her Instagram in 2018: “Can you guess, what I’m thinking of?” Her brother jumps in with a catchy hook, “Can you guess, what I’m thinking of? What you might become if you fall in love.” Billie politely declines her brother’s notes, revealing the song isn’t about love but a tattoo. The song remains unreleased, and Billie hasn't revealed whether or not fans can expect the track on her upcoming album.
Her love for Justin Bieber is undeniable.
The documentary shows private DMs between Billie and her favorite artist growing up, Justin Bieber. (She told her idol he could say “poop” on the “Bad Guy” remix, and she’d be happy.) But an especially poignant moment comes when Billie's mother reveals that she once considered taking her daughter to therapy over how “lovesick” the young girl was for the singer. When Billie finally meets Justin at Coachella, she sobs in his arms for several minutes. He holds her as she cries, and he later Facetimes her after she sweeps the Grammys. He tells her she carries “a heavy calling.”
She talks about how she manages her Tourette syndrome.
Billie has revealed in the past that she was diagnosed with Tourette syndrome as a child, and though she doesn’t speak on it often, her documentary gives viewers an inside look into her experience. In one scene, during a particularly stressful period in her life, her tics manifest physically. She has different ways of dealing with the tics, including essential oils.
She also reveals that the filming of the music video for “When the Party’s Over,” in which tubes were connected to her eyes to create a crying effect, triggered her tics. In one particularly candid moment, Billie reveals she’s done “some crazy shit” because of her Tourette syndrome: “I fucking broke a glass once in my mouth because of ’em.” She then explains that one of her tics is to bite down on something incredibly hard: “Just because my brain is like, ‘Do it.’”
She had no idea who Orlando Bloom was when she met him.
Perhaps not one of the greatest revelations, but the funniest: At Coachella, Billie is approached by Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom, who says he's a big fan. Katy offers Billie a friendly ear, should she ever want to talk about the pressures of stardom, and hugs her. When Billie goes back to her trailer, her brother tells her Bloom was the actor in Pirates of the Caribbean. Billie admits she had no idea who he was—“I thought that was just some dude Katy Perry met”—and laughs about the moment.
Throughout are reminders that Billie is still a teenager.
While she might be one of the most famous singers on the planet, the L.A. native is still just a teenager and the documentary reminds us this through tender moments, like a scene celebrating her 17th birthday party at an ice rink and showing her excitement over getting a driver’s license. At one point, Billie's father sweetly offers a pep talk before her first solo car ride, saying, “Slow down. Try to figure it out. If you make a wrong turn, come back and make the right turn.”
We learn about the relationship she kept secret.
While Billie is usually very private in interviews about her love life, this documentary does reveal she had a relationship with rapper Brandon “Q” Adams. Billie and Q exchange “I love you”s over the phone, but otherwise details around their relationship come only through snippets. (Worth noting: When we first see them together in the documentary, Billie is 16. He is 22.) The relationship appears strained and a source of frustration for Billie. In one scene, she laments that Q never showed up to an event he was invited to. In another, she reveals he went to the emergency room for a broken hand after punching a wall. After nearly a year of these ups and downs, and some advice from her parents, she decides to end things.
Mental health is vitally important.
Trigger warning: suicide, self-harm, depression. Throughout the documentary is an emphasis on the importance of mental health and setting boundaries. In one scene Billie is upset as she describes how she's never allowed to have a bad moment in public or it will be written about or shared on social media. Her mom consoles her, saying her team will do better to protect Billie. Her mom is very transparent and validating, noting, it’s “horrible to be a teenager. Kids are depressed. It’s a scary time.”
Billie is open about her insecurities in the doc—even giving viewers a look at her journal filled with lyrics and dark drawings, as well as a bedroom wall covered in poems and intrusive thoughts. Some of these phrases read, “So empty, so weak, and so alone.” “There’s a mark on my arm.” “To not have everyone know who I am always.” “An intense feeling of the absolute end.” “It hurts even when it doesn’t.” I’m in so much pain.” “You’re needed.” “No matter what happens, I will be broken.”
Billie says she had razors and Band-Aids hidden around her room when she was younger and would make herself bleed because she thought she deserved it. But while the singer is open about her mental health, she says she never meant to make a big statement around it. However, her fame and the reaction to her songs made her realize that not enough people are talking about things like depression and suicide—something she promises to stay open about as long as her career continues to flourish.
Originally Appeared on Glamour