27 Things People Struggling With Infertility Want You To Know

Hollis Miller
Updated
(Photo: )
(Photo: )

It's National Infertility Awareness Week, and the theme this year is "You Are Not Alone." It's an apt message -- infertility is still somewhat of a taboo topic, but it's certainly not rare. According to the CDC, about 12 percent of women between the ages of 15 and 44 have difficulty conceiving or carrying a pregnancy to term -- which is almost one out of every eight women/couples.

To help spark discussion around the issue, we asked the HuffPost Parents community what they wished others knew about infertility. Check out their responses and add your thoughts to the comments below.

1.

infertility experience
infertility experience

2. "Sometimes conceiving isn't the problem, it's STAYING pregnant that is, and that's just as (if not more) painful than not being able to conceive." -- Stephanie Tait

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3. "It's absolutely heartbreaking. Every test that comes back negative made me feel like less of a person. As much as I wanted to share my stories or feelings, I kept a lot under my hat. No one has the same infertility experience, just as no one has the same pregnancy experience." -- Melissa Rocha

4. "It's not just about age! You can be young and still struggle with infertility." -- Colleen Sexton Freeman

5. "I wish they knew that on the outside the person may look like they're okay, but on the inside they feel like a failure as a woman and they die a little more each time they find out they're still not pregnant." -- Amanda Luba

6. "I wish people understood what an emotional roller-coaster ride infertility is." -- Shahidah Siraaj

7. "Someone who suffers from infertility needs support after they are lucky enough to get pregnant. From the second you get the diagnosis, the entire process is so scary and you constantly worry that something will go wrong with the pregnancy." -- Emily Shultz

8. "The woman often feels alone in the struggle, but it is just as hard on the husband." -- Mary High

9.

advice on infertility
advice on infertility

10. "It's gutwrenching, exhausting, hard on a marriage, and very, very long. It's also extremely rewarding when you find out it worked; the elation you feel is like nothing I could explain." -- Melyssa Glunz

11. "Infertility issues can hurt your relationship, and it's good to get proactive counseling." -- Lori Day

12.

infertility after kids
infertility after kids

13. "Infertility can affect anyone, and it can happen even if they've already had one child. Don't judge." -- Kris Vue

14. "We are eternally grateful for our surviving child, but having her DOES NOT eradicate the pain of her FIVE lost siblings." -- Louise Yates

15.

infertility when others are pregnant
infertility when others are pregnant

16. "You don't have to be afraid to tell me you are pregnant. I possess the ability to be happy for you regardless of my situation." -- Deb Gibson Patrick

17. "The hardest thing during my four years of trying was having friends who complained 24/7 about their pregnancy when I was wishing the whole time to be in their shoes." -- Alicia Wilkerson

18. "Yes, it is a blessing that a friend is expecting, but it can be excruciatingly painful to discuss the dreams and hopes of a mom-to-be while waiting and wondering about your own pregnancy. I would cry hysterically right after offering congratulations and well wishes." -- Dawn Sanders Ledford

19.

what not to say
what not to say

20. "Keep your comments to yourself. Especially ones like 'just adopt!' or 'maybe it's God's will.' YOU don't get an opinion on the matter. Period." -- Danielle Rainwater Shaw

21. "Stop asking when we are going to have a baby or a second child." -- Ashley Essex

22. "Never tell a person to relax and let it happen, or that it will happen when they stop trying -- like when your friend's cousin's niece's wife's aunt's boss tried to get pregnant for a year. It doesn't work that way, and it just implies that it is somehow their fault they are infertile because they are stressing too much. The best thing you can say is, 'I'm sorry you are going through this.'" -- Trina Alexa

23. "Don't comment about how much 'fun' trying must be (wink wink). Conception-focused sex is the worst kind. The worst." -- Rebecca Martin

24. "After five years, I really don't want to hear how you know how I feel because it took you a long four months. Trying to conceive is trying to conceive, but infertility (and secondary infertility) is entirely different." -- Rachel Cobb Klaus

25.

what to say
what to say

26. "Unless you have been through it, there isn't much you can say to someone with infertility issues. It’s better to just give loving support instead of explanations, suggestions, and reasons." -- Dana Russell Reimann

27. "That your 'kind' words of hope or encouragement aren't always kind. Sometimes just listening and being there is the best thing you can do." -- Kristina Aasen

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<strong>1. Your fertility is mostly determined by genetics, which influences how many eggs you are born with. </strong> Doctors believe that the number of eggs you have at birth determines the length of time you will remain fertile. At birth, women have about two million eggs in their ovaries. For every egg ovulated during your reproductive life, about 1,000 eggs undergo programmed cell death. Other things, such as smoking cigarettes and certain types of chemotherapy, can accelerate egg cell death and promote an earlier menopause.
<strong>2. Regular menstrual cycles are a sign of regular ovulation.</strong> Most women have regular cycles lasting between 24 and 35 days. This is usually a sign of regular, predictable ovulation. Women who do not ovulate regularly have irregular menstrual cycles. Those who do not ovulate at all may have a genetic condition called polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS).
<strong>3. Basal temperature charting does not predict ovulation.</strong> An older method of tracking ovulation involves taking your oral body temperature each morning before getting out of bed. This is called basal body temperature. This method is used to spot a rise in basal temperature, which is a sign that progesterone is being produced. The main problem with using this method is that your temperature rises after ovulation has already occurred. This makes it more difficult to time intercourse at an optimal time for conception. A better method is to use over-the-counter urine ovulation predictor test kits such as Clearblue Easy. These kits test for the hormone that prompts ovulation, which is called luteinizing hormone (LH).
<strong>4. Most women with blocked fallopian tubes are completely unaware they may have had a prior pelvic infection.</strong> About 10 percent of infertility cases are due to tubal disease, either complete blockage or pelvic scarring causing tubal malfunction. One major cause of tubal disease is a prior pelvic infection from a sexually transmitted disease such as chlamydia. These infections can cause so few symptoms that you may be completely unaware your tubes are affected. This is why fertility physicians will order a dye test of the tubes, called a hysterosalpingogram (HSG), if you have been trying and failing to conceive for 6 months or longer.
<strong>5. In most cases, stress does not cause infertility.</strong> Except in rare cases of extreme physical or emotional distress, women will keep ovulating regularly. Conceiving while on vacation is likely less about relaxation than about coincidence and good timing of sex.
5. In most cases, stress does not cause infertility. Except in rare cases of extreme physical or emotional distress, women will keep ovulating regularly. Conceiving while on vacation is likely less about relaxation than about coincidence and good timing of sex.
<strong>6. By age 44, most women are infertile, even if they are still ovulating regularly.</strong> Even with significant fertility treatment, rates of conception are very low after age 43. Most women who conceive in their mid-40's with fertility treatment are using donated eggs from younger women.
6. By age 44, most women are infertile, even if they are still ovulating regularly. Even with significant fertility treatment, rates of conception are very low after age 43. Most women who conceive in their mid-40's with fertility treatment are using donated eggs from younger women.
<strong>7. Having fathered a pregnancy in the past does not guarantee fertility.</strong> Sperm counts can change quite a bit with time, so never assume that a prior pregnancy guarantees fertile sperm. Obtaining a semen analysis is the only way to be sure the sperm are still healthy!
7. Having fathered a pregnancy in the past does not guarantee fertility. Sperm counts can change quite a bit with time, so never assume that a prior pregnancy guarantees fertile sperm. Obtaining a semen analysis is the only way to be sure the sperm are still healthy!
<strong>8. For the most part, diet has little or nothing to do with fertility.</strong> Despite popular press, there is little scientific data showing that a particular diet or food promotes fertility. One limited study did suggest a Mediterranean diet with olive oil, fish and legumes may help promote fertility.
8. For the most part, diet has little or nothing to do with fertility. Despite popular press, there is little scientific data showing that a particular diet or food promotes fertility. One limited study did suggest a Mediterranean diet with olive oil, fish and legumes may help promote fertility.
<strong>9. Vitamin D may improve results of fertility treatments.</strong> A recent study from the University of Southern California suggested that women who were undergoing fertility treatments, but had low vitamin D levels, might have lower rates of conception. This vitamin is also essential during pregnancy. At Pacific Fertility Center, we recommend our patients take 2,000-4,000 IU per day.
<strong>10. Being either underweight or overweight is clearly linked with lowered levels of fertility.</strong> The evidence in recent years is that obesity is clearly linked with a longer time to conception. Having a body mass index less than 18 or over 32 is associated with problems ovulating and conceiving, as well as problems during pregnancy.
10. Being either underweight or overweight is clearly linked with lowered levels of fertility. The evidence in recent years is that obesity is clearly linked with a longer time to conception. Having a body mass index less than 18 or over 32 is associated with problems ovulating and conceiving, as well as problems during pregnancy.

This article originally appeared on HuffPost.