50 Funny Tweets About The Things Parents Repeat

If you’re on the fence about having kids, repeat “Put your shoes on, please” 100 times in a row until you’re in a blinding rage & see if it’s right for you.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 6, 2018

I feel like I should create a recording of me saying PLEASE CLEAN THAT UP so I can just hit play 500 times a day.

— 🗽 Liz Gumbinner (@Mom101) November 12, 2015

The average number of times a parent says "goodnight" to their kid in one evening is 77 times.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 20, 2017

I may have set a world record this morning on the number of times I've said, "Put your socks on!".

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) December 11, 2012

Was not prepared for how much of parenting would just be repeating “please don’t do that with your sandwich.”

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 13, 2021

759: The number of times I have said to my daughter "No running!" at the pool so far this summer. It's day 3.

— Cara (@Carabee) May 31, 2012

Parenting Equation:
the number of times you say "Turn off that light!" ✕ the number of times you say "Close that door!" = infinity.

— The Alex Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) June 1, 2016

What matters most as a parent is your capacity to love, and also your stamina for repeating "I can't look. I'm driving".

— Walking Outside in Slippers (@WalkingOutside) January 16, 2019

I told my daughter, "Don't lick the door!" more times this morning than a person should ever tell another person in a lifetime.

— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) April 10, 2014

"You Can't Touch This" only it's me repeating that line to my toddler after he tries to grab every breakable thing in the damn house.

— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) March 12, 2018

Since having 3 kids, the number of times I say, "whatever. I don't care." Has increased dramatically.

— Meredith (@PerfectPending) August 21, 2014

And with that, I believe I've broken the world record for the number of times a parent can say "with soap!" in her lifetime.

— Karen Walrond (@Chookooloonks) November 9, 2010

PARENTING TRUTH: If you want to leave somewhere on time, you should start repeating, "it's time to go," before you even get there.

— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) June 23, 2017

Repeating the same thing over and over to your kids isn’t so bad if you think of it as chanting a zen mantra: “Put on your shoes. Put on your shoes. Put on your shoes. Ommmmm.”

— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 7, 2019

Fact: The number of times a mom has to repeat herself each day directly relates to the amount of chocolate she has to binge eat.

— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) September 25, 2017

What's the right number of times to ask a kid to brush his teeth before giving up & sending him to school w/ dragon breath?

I stopped at 8.

— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) May 29, 2015

2,047: Number of times I have told my preschooler, “Be careful! He's a PERSON, not a toy!” since her brother was born 4 months ago.

— Unremarkable Files (@ThatEvansLady) September 13, 2016

Bedtime for kids is just repeating "bed time," "put your pajamas on" and "brush your teeth" over and over in increasingly agitated tones.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 2, 2019

The number of times you tell your kids to get their shoes on should be the number of shots you down after bedtime.

So far I’m on 12.

— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) October 5, 2019

“Stop asking. We don’t get things just because we repeat them over and over again,” I tell my toddler for the 50th time.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 27, 2018

Based on the number of times a day I tell my kids, “Stop grabbing yourself there,” you wouldn’t know I have two little girls.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 14, 2013

Parenting is just repeating “last video... five more minutes” for an hour until their phone battery dies

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 27, 2018

499: the number of times during a 500 piece puzzle that my daughter and I say "BOO-YA".

— The Dad (@thedad) December 6, 2014

143. The number of times I've said "Awww, poor buddy," this morning alone. The Youngster's home sick w/ a bad cold.

— Nicole Blades (@NicoleBlades) January 11, 2012

Kids: You must ask me to do this task 967423512 times, and then I will take 3 hours to do it when it should’ve taken 10 minutes

Also kids: I SAID I WAS HUNGRY FIVE SECONDS AGO AND YOU HAVENT MADE WITH THE FOOD WHAT GIVES

— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) October 26, 2019

Who knew being a parent was mostly repeating everything you say with increasing volume and rage.

— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) May 2, 2018

Now taking entries for the "Number of times I think or say 'Moron!' while navigating the middle school parking lot today" pool.

— Gina Valley (@GinaValley) August 19, 2013

7,912,137.6

-hours I've spent explaining to my kids that y o u w i l l f i n d o u t h o w i t e n d s i f y o u w a t c h i t

— Brianna Bond (@sarcasmically) December 8, 2014

“I love my son...” I keep repeating as a reminder to myself, after stepping on another crayon he didn’t put away.

— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) October 3, 2017

100 = The avg. number of times I have to ask my 5yo to do something before she actually does it.

— PBS Parents (@pbsparents) December 3, 2009

Me: I’m growing tired of repeating myself.

8yo: You’re growing tired of what?

Me: Repeating myself.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 28, 2020

A 26.2 sticker but for the number of times I told my kid to sit down during dinner at a restaurant.

— lilswizzy (@MotherPlaylist) May 21, 2017

I consider it a victory when my son stops doing something before the number of times I've asked him to stop doing that thing reaches double digits.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) November 9, 2017

18.

Actual number of times I've asked someone in this house to put pants on today.

3.

Beers I've had to keep me sane.

— inappropriate mom (@nicfit75) May 11, 2012

17.
Number of times I have asked the kids to clean their teeth.

— Claire Smith (@MinistryOfMum) June 10, 2011

And so, I’m offering this simple phrase

To kids from 1 to 92

And though it’s been said many times, many ways:

“FOR CHRISTS SAKES QUIT BOTHERING YOUR SISTER ITS NOT TOO LATE FOR ME TO CALL SANTA AND TELL HIM TO GIVE YOU COAL”

— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) December 24, 2019

Number of times I've said "Aren't you supposed to be sick?" to my home from school child: 157. Possibly more, I've lost count.

— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) September 10, 2013

Taking bets as to the number of times I have to say, "No, it's not a tornado" to the kids today. We're up to 3 already. Anyone?

— Kelly Phillips Erb (@taxgirl) September 18, 2012

Me: I can count on all ten fingers the number of times I told you to clean up your toy room.
6: I can count it in my head!

— The Alex Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) April 20, 2016

A big part of parenting is just repeating GO TO BED 10000 times in a row.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 19, 2018

Parenthood is 50% being annoyed by your kids needlessly repeating things to you and 50% being annoyed by yourself forcefully repeating things to your kids.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 2, 2018

Our pediatrician keeps telling me my kids' ears are fine, but based on the number of times they say "What?" I may need to get a 2nd opinion.

— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) September 21, 2016

Parenthood is just one never ending mad-lib.

“Please get your (noun) off of the (noun)! I’ve told you (number) of times that I will (verb) that (same noun) if you continue to leave it there! Do you hear me? I’m not going to (verb) it again!”

— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) June 12, 2019

How crazy is parenthood? We have a password to get out of the house:

"We're gonna be late. We're gonna be late. (must be repeated 500x)

— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) April 2, 2016

I never thought I would grow up to be the Fonz, but the number of times I tell my kids to "just be cool" says otherwise.

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) September 4, 2015

Although I have to repeat myself several times for my children to listen, I take great comfort knowing that one day nothing will annoy them more than me repeating myself.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 16, 2018

Silver anniversary, but for the number of times I've said, "IF YOU POOP YOURSELF FROM FORCING OUT FARTS, YOU'RE SCRUBBING YOUR OWN UNDIES."

— Christina Evans (@cakevans) September 20, 2015

Observation: Number of times you need to tell a 5-year-old to wash her hands/get dressed/pick up her toys before it actually happens: 5.

— Karen Walrond (@Chookooloonks) April 30, 2009

MORNING MATH:

Child's volume level in decibels = [(number of people still asleep) x (times you've said SHHHH)]^10

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 16, 2019

It's the repeating. The number of times you repeat yourself as a parent...man.

— Nicole Blades (@NicoleBlades) August 18, 2013