27 Funny Tweets That Sum Up 'Alone Time' For Parents Right Now

Live ~ Laugh ~ Lock yourself in the bathroom and enjoy some alone time today. You deserve it.

— Moderately Mom (@momtribevibe) May 3, 2020

Family Quarantine Diary: Day 52

Just laid siege on my kid’s fort so I had a place for alone time.

— The Dad (@thedad) May 5, 2020

I just wanted five minutes to drink my coffee so I sent my kid in the other room to look for a toy that’s in my pocket.

Follow me for more parenting hacks.

— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) May 20, 2020

If you see a car sitting in an abandoned parking lot, just know it's probably a mom, trying to get some peace, quiet, and work done. #Quarantine

— Kristen Mei Chase (@thatkristen) April 30, 2020

parenting makes you do weird things like hate the daylight for waking your kids and preventing them from going to bed

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) May 21, 2020

Quarantine level: I let my 3yo play with playdoh before 8am and I didn’t even try to stop her when she started combining colors cause it gave me a few min of peace and quiet

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) April 18, 2020

*Husband takes the kids outside so I can be alone

*Grab a book and sit down to relax ALL BY MYSELF for the first time in 8 weeks

Baby inside my uterus: *kicks* Bitch, you thought.

— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) May 11, 2020

5yo: Mommy, I want some alone time but my sister won’t leave me be.

Me: Dude, same.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) March 17, 2020

Don’t tell my kids but when I say they can play video games as a reward for being done their schoolwork the reward is for me and the reward is silence and being left alone

— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) April 21, 2020

Crazy that I stay up late every night and consistently feel like crap the next day but will never do it differently because I’m a mom and that’s the only peace and quiet I get.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) March 25, 2020

Husband and kids go out for a walk.

Me: Ahhhhhhh....peace and quiet!

Neighbor: This is a perfect time for circular saw use.

— 😷🏡Ohio mom of two🏡😷 (@OhioMomoftwo) May 24, 2020

Homeschooling Tip: if you count Tiktok in their rooms as kids music, dance and PE classes you might get a few hours alone in peace.

— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) April 17, 2020

[8 AM]
Wife [walking into living room]: What time did you get up?
Me: 5 AM.
Wife: But it’s the weekend! WHY SO EARLY?!
Me [sipping coffee]: I’ve had 3 kid-free hours of silence.
Wife:
Me:
Wife: Why didn't you wake me?

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 25, 2020

Whenever I want quiet time, I ask my kid how to Minecraft a Pikachu in Roblox.

— Marlantined (@Marlebean) May 26, 2020

3yo: tell me a joke dad.

Me: okay here’s one...tomorrow you’re going to give me some time to be alone.

3yo: no make it funnier.

Me: okay you’re also going to let me sleep in.

— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) April 18, 2020

Me: I hate silence because I can’t be alone with my thoughts

Quarantine with kids: I gotchu

— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) April 25, 2020

I told my kid he could play a video game so I could have a moment to sit in silence.

Now all I’m getting is “mom watch this!” and I did not think this through.

— Life at Tiffany’s (@lifeattiffanys) March 18, 2020

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: I will close the kids outside while you nap.

ACTS OF SERVICE: *closes kids outside while you nap*

TOUCH: *high fives you before closing the kids outside*

GIFTS: Gives you waffles and a mimosa

QUALITY TIME: Time alone to enjoy your drink and your waffles

— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) May 5, 2020

9-year-old: What should we get Mom for Mother's Day?

Me: A little peace and quiet.

9: So we have to leave the house?

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 9, 2020

My husband doesn’t understand why I need so much alone time and I’m like I LITERALLY GREW THREE HUMANS AND THEN FED THEM FROM MY BODY FOR OVER A YEAR EACH I HAVEN’T BEEN ALONE IN ALMOST A DECADE

— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) May 8, 2020

I DRASTICALLY overestimated the amount of alone time my wife and I would have with my kids home 24/7

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 19, 2020

I just made kids run up and down our block 10 times ( don’t worry no one else was out) *because physical education is important.

*because they shut up for the duration of the running, it was glorious!

— Heather 🦠doo do doo do doo do doo do (@dishs_up) March 16, 2020

Me: what do you want for mother's day?

Wife: just some peace and quiet

Me: aww well *grabs her hand lovingly* then we shouldn't have had that kid

— The Dad (@thedad) May 7, 2020

7 got mad at me and didn't talk to me for a while hour.

How do I make all 3 of them mad at me so I get a good solid hours peace?

Wrong answers only.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) May 23, 2020

I guess my toddler wanted to spend some quality time alone with his mom this morning and let me know by saying “go away dad...just go poop”

— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) April 21, 2020

A kids version of the "Saw" movie but they can only escape by giving their parents just 5 minutes of peace

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 14, 2020

I told my kids to be good and not fight for 20 minutes so I could take a shower in peace, and then we all laughed and laughed.

— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) March 20, 2020