The 50 Funniest Tweets From Women In 2020
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant — and succinct — wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up the most hilarious 280-character-long musings. To close out 2020, we’ve picked 50 of the funniest tweets from women this past year.
Scroll down to read some truly laugh-out-loud posts from some wonderful women. And sign up for our “Funniest Tweets of the Week” newsletter here.
pet rent is the stupidest concept i’ve ever heard of how do you expect my cat to pay $50 a month she is unemployed
— kayla ♡ (@baz00per) September 22, 2020
I miss when I was a kid and my biggest problem was that a rapper didn’t mention my city when he rattled of a verse naming various cities he liked partying in.
— quinta brunson (@quintabrunson) February 18, 2020
chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing
— cass (@cassthevirgin) November 22, 2020
me, turning my wifi off & on again: i am a woman in STEM
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) April 23, 2020
Anyone else rip their mask off when they get in to the car like they’ve just finished a disappointing surgery on Grey’s Anatomy
— Sophia Cadogan (@sophiacadogan) September 2, 2020
australians be like hellaourer
— ምኞት (@blanketm9) April 27, 2020
everything i see someone on tv do i am like “I miss doing that” even if it’s like solving a crime in a library hundreds of years ago
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) April 9, 2020
What’s it like living with anxiety: pic.twitter.com/IDne7YbZMl
— Hannah Thompson (@HLThompson93) February 27, 2020
sleeping with a military guy and then telling him he can’t stay over because of the 3rd amendment
— ✨V✨ (@coolauntV) September 15, 2020
how tf a computer gone ask me if i'm a robot 😭 bitch you da robot 😭😭
— "THEE BRATT" 🦋 (@liddlexie) June 10, 2020
No one:
Me alone in the kitchen: Okay guys so now I’m going to preheat my oven to 350— Gabby 🧚🏽♀️ (@bria_simone21) August 1, 2020
2016: yay, I voted.
2020: I know what every member of every state’s vote certification committee eats at 3 pm on Tuesdays.— Kashana (@kashanacauley) November 23, 2020
Having a dog is just being the grand marshal of a very small parade into the kitchen like 800 times a day
— Amanda Mull (@amandamull) July 6, 2020
just got dumped and my roommate is trying to make me feel better by playing cards with me but she just keeps winning and whispering “sorry”
— amelia elizalde (@ameliaelizalde) April 27, 2020
Nevada counting ballots pic.twitter.com/GC85ZFZdMd
— Liz Jenkins (@ej11lizzie) November 5, 2020
i’ve always wanted to be a whistleblower but unfortunately i don’t know anything
— aida osman (@shutupaida) September 14, 2020
it’s not actually a coup unless it comes from the coup d'état region of france, otherwise it’s just a sparkling authoritarian takeover
— rémy anne (@Remy_Anne) November 10, 2020
quarantine is hitting some harder than others https://t.co/ZjD0DQXhpp
— 𝘣𝘥𝘦 ♌︎ ♃ (@stelleom) July 12, 2020
NO your email did NOT find me well, it found me ravaged with STRESS AND THE EFFECTS OF TIME
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) June 15, 2020
bet marie kondo is wishing she had more shit in her house right about now.
— pony starwarz (@tigersgoroooar) April 15, 2020
Just because something's vegan doesn't mean it's cruelty-free. For example, my ex-girlfriend
— Rachel McCartney (@RachelMComedy) July 8, 2020
No emoji will ever compare with “:/“....they just don’t have the range
— Dylan Ali (@dylanali_) April 7, 2020
White people have no problem pronouncing Daenerys Targaryen but start stuttering when tryna pronounce Ahmed
— ✰ (@amnaaxs) June 8, 2020
One time when I was like 11 my dad took me to an Italian restaurant and the waiter asked what my name was and I said “Sam but you can call me captain ravioli” and my dad just looked at me and said “what the fuck was that? don’t do that” and I’ve been chasing that high ever since.
— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) January 15, 2020
my therapist: you’re a good person
me: oh no I’ve tricked you too— Ely Kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) October 13, 2020
One night in college, my roommate got super drunk pretty quickly and ended up getting sick. We handed her a trashcan, with trash already in it. She puked a few times and started crying, and then looked in the can and yelled, OMG I THREW UP A FORK?!
— Elf on the hill (@Mom_Overboard) August 16, 2020
aioli is just mayo that studied abroad
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) August 25, 2020
black women: we are sad, frustrated, hurt, exhausted—
white women: okay so what I’m hearing is you’re mad at me 🥺😔— Ayo Edebiri (@ayoedebiri) June 13, 2020
You: 40 years ago--
Me: ah, so 1960
You: No, 1980.
Me: no— Olivia Hofer (@oghofer) October 17, 2020
Day 1 of quarantine: I'm going to take this as an opportunity to improve my health
Day 2 of quarantine: Due to personal reasons, I am eating a lasagna in my shower— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) March 18, 2020
me: i’m so sad and hopeless and directionless
my brain: buy stuff
me: no listen i need a purpose
brain: a purchase?— dirt prince (@pant_leg) November 29, 2020
Titanic (1997)
Scientist: Where’s the diamond?
Old lady: *three hour long story about how she lost her virginity*— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) May 25, 2020
Emails now be like: I hope you are staying safe, sheltered in place, stocked with toilet paper, and healthy during these absolutely unprecedented, wild, chaotic, terrifying times. Just wanted to follow up-
— into the chismosa-verse (@_chismosa_) March 26, 2020
Joe Exotic is Steve Irwin’s Wario
— Clara R (@ramencult) March 28, 2020
So excited to start my new advent calendar <3 pic.twitter.com/ll63YP9ILj
— G. L. DiVittorio (@ginadivittorio) December 2, 2020
My boyfriend got his covid vaccine yesterday and I can tell you the most prominent side effect is the inability to shut up about getting the covid vaccine
— Emaperidol (@Emaperidol) December 16, 2020
mosquitos really wake up everyday and choose violence
— dalia (@_dalia7) July 12, 2020
guy joined zoom class shirtless and the tutor told him to turn his video off and so he did and it just displayed his profile pic of him shirtless at the beach
— smack barm pey wet (@audrocur) August 27, 2020
MY PARENTS DIDN’T RAISE A QUITTER!! They raised ᵃ ᴾʳᵒᶜʳᵃˢᵗᶦⁿᵃᵗᵒʳ
— imman (@immantweets) December 16, 2020
safely taking a socially distanced trip w 19 friends who have ALL been safe.we took the trip safely. 1st we got on the socially distanced plane that was at full capacity.then we safely took ubers to the safe air bnb where we had a socially distanced (safe!!) lunch at an indoor re
— lindsey (@oldlinds) December 13, 2020
I wish I could say “???????” In real life, it would be very useful
— bri (@caringbrats) November 21, 2020
Day 3 in quarantine. My mom made me check my 11 year old brother’s search history. He has searched “how tall is goofy” and “why do Mormons have so many trampolines.” For his sake, I almost wish I found something bad
— Addison (@addie_huneycutt) March 24, 2020
best lyric of all time is when elton John was like “if I was a sculptor, but then again no” like pls I’m on the edge of my seat .. what were you going to do as a sculptor Elton!?!!!
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) April 28, 2020
How did y’all find out Santa wasn’t real? My grandma straight up told me “I’m not letting some white man take credit for my hard work I’M Santa Claus!” 😂
— SCAM GODDESS (@DivaLaci) November 29, 2020
i admire how when babies dont want to hold something anymore they just drop it
— secular angel (@mixedmediapaper) May 11, 2020
Somebody said they accidentally screamed “Jesus” at a protest when they said “say his name” 😂
— Saint Rems (@RemiOmolosho) June 10, 2020
Today is 5/9, or as some guys call it 5/11
— defne gencler (@omgitsdef) May 9, 2020
i just think if i chewed lava quick enough it wouldn’t be too bad
— shar✨ (@sharloola) August 5, 2020
My fifth grade boyfriend got married yesterday and yes my sixth grade boyfriend was there. I just HOPE they didn’t make the night about ME
— Katie Kershaw (@katie_newshoes) July 26, 2020
My 6 year old brothers teacher asked the class what’s their favorite season and he said garlic powder 😭😭😭😭
— KK🏆 (@kkstaackz_) December 3, 2020
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This article originally appeared on HuffPost and has been updated.
