Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
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People say committees don’t work but that’s bc they haven’t seen a group of women gather to help one person draft & send a risky text
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) November 15, 2019
Is there a murderer in my apartment or is that scary noise just the radiator: a memoir
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) November 11, 2019
Is OK Boomer a new dating site?
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) November 11, 2019
Most of being an adult is whispering "fuck this" while doing it anyway
— Elisabeth🎄 (@YourMomsucksTho) November 14, 2019
Can u imagine getting married and having a family and staying in love until u die, then waiting in the afterlife for your wife to join you and she finally dies and ditches u for a dude she knew for three days on a boat instead?? Anyway I’d give Titanic a 9/10
— Saddington 2 ✈️😔 (@2Saddington) November 12, 2019
No joy to report a first sighting of my nemesis: man wearing shorts in This Weather
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) November 13, 2019
“If you love something set it free” -me spending money
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) November 14, 2019
i am going to buy so many fucking flamingos pic.twitter.com/D6NMqhSOu5
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) November 11, 2019
Maybe you accomplished something this decade. Maybe you didn't. I still haven't crushed a wine glass with one bare hand while staring down a dinner guest, but that's what the 2020s are for.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 13, 2019
FYI a woman in Italy told me it's healthy to eat pasta every day as long as you only eat lasagna on the weekends I am seeking no further nutrition opinions at this time
— Tess Barker (@TesstifyBarker) November 14, 2019
I’ve done a lot of deep healing and am happy to announce that I no longer feel obligated to listen to the first 12 minutes of podcasts
— Blair Socci (@blairsocci) November 14, 2019
Disney princesses gave me unrealistic expectations that I'd have adorable animal servants and way more naps.
— Melanie (@ImMelanieGibson) November 13, 2019
This man sitting next to me in the airport lounge is watching a video without headphones. When I get home I am not speaking to anyone for 24 hours.
— roxane gay (@rgay) November 11, 2019
you're telling me that when i email people they are gonna email me back again and then i have to answer THAT email, too? what the fuck
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) November 12, 2019
Always the bridesmaid. Never the Bog Witch emerging from the mist during the harvest festival to receive my annual tribute and wish everyone a happy holidays.
— Julia Gulia 🌈 (@JRobb773) November 13, 2019
i’m going to give my plants some coca cola on christmas and nobody , not one of you losers, can stop me
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) November 12, 2019
My therapist: talk to me about how you reward yourself for your accomplishments?
Me: reward? *stares blankly* why would I do that? I’m not gonna celebrate for doing what I’m supposed to do
Her, takes off glasses: oh boy
— Patrice Caldwell (@whimsicallyours) November 12, 2019
Gen-Xers love Twitter because we’re still consumed by the shame of losing touch with our twelve international penpals whom we met by answering a sketchy ad in the back of a comic book in 1982.
— Tippi Hedren Collider (@linanneblack) November 11, 2019
Chilled to my core by the woman at a 12pm showing of The Irishman who, after hearing Robert DeNiro say “the only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead,” loudly announced “that’s true”
— Haley Mlotek (@haleymlotek) November 13, 2019
Sephora be like “do u wanna redeem your beauty insider points” pic.twitter.com/680NMCoCtp
— AUNTIE MAJIC (@1800BUDDHA) November 9, 2019
This article originally appeared on HuffPost.