Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
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I just realized that the word "Dorito" implies the existence of a larger, adulter, possibly more delicious "Doro"
— Maya Shwayder (@MayaErgas) November 7, 2019
Ctrl-F but for all the hair ties in my apartment
— Taylor Ortega (@taylor_ortega) November 6, 2019
wait you’re telling me that once i buy all these groceries i have to COOK them, too?!
— Samantha Tomaszewski (@managewski) November 4, 2019
Me: *wearing a bundt cake as a crown* my wedding is everything I wanted it to be
— Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) November 5, 2019
All these things to worry about and we have to fear the return of low rise jeans, too
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) November 8, 2019
The wildest thing about 1999 was the number of us who were straight up angry not to be mentioned in Mambo No. 5.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) November 6, 2019
Halloween costumes are a great way to find out which of your friends watch movies and which of your friends read books.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) November 2, 2019
- turns sex into an object
- places pressure on the decision
- you don’t actually lose or take anything ?
- all focus is on u
- suggests a musical number is involved
— lotty (@lottydoes) November 4, 2019
the greatest lie the devil ever told was that you would get up and finish that project in the morning
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) November 8, 2019
*cleans one literal inch of my bathroom*
so i just have to .. keep doing this?? how often?? for the rest of my life ????
— danielle weisberg (@danielleweisber) November 4, 2019
My husband's on a work Skype, so every few minutes I silently cross the room behind him dressed as a new character from Wicked.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 6, 2019
You all can keep your menstrual tracking apps: I am “crying to the Beatles while driving” days away from my period.
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) November 7, 2019
Tfw when you find an old family photo album pic.twitter.com/LemWQQ5tlS
— Mug McCup (@megmackaycomedy) November 4, 2019
I can't believe people used to just show up at someone's house to "pay them a call." All of a sudden you have to make tea and put out snacks just because Susan wanted to say hi. SMH, I don't even answer my buzzer unless I ordered takeout.
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) November 8, 2019
me looking at my professor when i hear backpacks zipping 2 mins before class ends bc i want him to know i’m still listening & everyone else is rude pic.twitter.com/hBSLFGaTmg
— ♡ (@kaylasheagg) November 6, 2019
If there is a mirror behind your head when I’m sitting across from you at dinner I will stare at myself the entire time.
— greta titelman (@Gertie_Bird) November 5, 2019
Me when I hear a bottle of wine being uncorked pic.twitter.com/OfkigYq8JU
— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) November 5, 2019
Me at 18: I can't wait to see what amazing things are waiting for me as an adult!
Me at 38: Pretty excited about this new scent of dish soap.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) November 4, 2019
I’ve made mistakes in life, but the only one I regret is not marrying a massage therapist.
— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) November 5, 2019
This article originally appeared on HuffPost.