The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Jan. 18-24)
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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let's hang, here's when i'm free pic.twitter.com/a6VIJcZZj7
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) January 23, 2020
me phoning in an order for mozzarella sticks pic.twitter.com/bpYz9ysjOV
— lily ratbird (@ratbrd) January 21, 2020
I AINT SCARED OF NOTHING
Except undercooking chicken and everyone getting sick and having to go to the hospital and it’s all my fault that’s my deepest fear— quinta brunson (@quintabrunson) January 22, 2020
I'm not an avid reader of food magazines but if Toast On A Paper Towel Monthly ever comes out, yes, I'd like a subscription.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) January 24, 2020
after careful consideration i have decided that “feeling my feelings” was a mistake and I’d like to undo this action.
— employee of the bearimy (@crissles) January 20, 2020
anyone’s boss when you invite them to happy hour pic.twitter.com/1rWUYp85tB
— kim. (@KimmyMonte) January 21, 2020
I don't know who needs to hear this, but it's okay to have a favorite fork.
— Felicia (@LostFelicia) January 16, 2020
“wait, what?” -adulthood
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) January 18, 2020
At some point we all stopped having pizza parties and that's when our slow descent into quiet sorrow began.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) January 21, 2020
In Chicago we don’t say “I love you”. We say “yes, I can pick you up at O’hare” and I think that’s beautiful.
— mujer valiente🌛 (@KimberlyRubyy) January 22, 2020
can’t believe that as a child grease had me thinking that these ppl were teenagers pic.twitter.com/PIB4Oa2dk4
— elle ✰ (@sundayblondie) January 21, 2020
when you're 20 a "what's your address?" text means someone's sending you a fun care package of cookies
when you're 30 a "what's your address?" text means your friend is getting married and you are, actually, doing everything wrong— Rekha Shankar (@rekhalshankar) January 23, 2020
villain: ok we've injected you with truth serum
Tony the Tiger: they're fine— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) January 21, 2020
I’m by far not the best person but by far the worst thing I’ve ever done is accidentally touch the mailman through my house’s mail slot. I have never before heard the sort of noise he made after reaching into what he hoped was the cold embrace of a mail slot and finding a hand.
— Kayla Ancrum (@KaylaAncrum) January 20, 2020
— dirt prince (@pant_leg) January 23, 2020
i'm not trying to tell anyone how to do her job but god should've made me taller and better at math
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) January 22, 2020
me: okay time to sleep
brain: ok
brain:
brain: hey
brain: HEY
me: ... what
brain: u ever wonder what bear milk tastes like
me:
brain: do...do u think it would give us powers— nash™ (@thenashleysays) January 18, 2020
me: I’m gonna stop eating bread
narrator: she went on to eat all the bread— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) January 23, 2020
me in my apartment: i am hungry and i can make whatever i want because i am an autonomous adult with a bank account and i thrive in freedom
me at my parents’ house: i can’t find the can of chickpeas my mom said was in the pantry so i have to wait for her to come home and feed me— Scaachi (@Scaachi) January 21, 2020
me: “sorry, my calendar is booked until April”
also me: watched all 12 episodes of The Circle— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) January 23, 2020
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This article originally appeared on HuffPost.