Kimmel went after Cruz in his monologue for sharing a Russian army recruitment ad and dismissing the U.S. military as “woke” and “emasculated.”
Ted Cruz, who four years ago took permanent residence up the ass of a man who beat him in every election by calling his wife ugly and slandering his elderly father, says this is emasculating. Primarily because Ted Cruz is not human. He is a moist, gelatinous tubeworm whose elastic-band pants are filled with an inky discharge every time he speaks.
The late night host often compares Cruz to a blobfish and called their one-on-one basketball match in 2018 “The Blobfish Basketball Classic.”
Cruz tweeted a reference to that match and suggested they settle it on the court again:
.@JimmyKimmelLive keeps talking crap. Really tough guy.
Here’s a reminder, when we played one-on-one, I kicked his ass. He has to live with that...forever.
Rematch, punk?https://t.co/t8O0QCEaYS https://t.co/AltnpM2Lib
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) May 25, 2021
Kimmel didn’t exactly accept the challenge:
Oh Ted... you get so sad after you masturbate. https://t.co/8fxCzUNwqg
— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) May 25, 2021
Cruz beat Kimmel in the game, but it wasn’t known for its highlights.
“Just like a blobfish, the game was sloppy and within moments we were gasping for air,” Kimmel cracked afterward. “We played one on one. It took almost an hour to get to 6 points ― which would be a lot if this was a World Cup soccer game. But it was not.”
The game was expected to go to 15 points, but they wrapped it up at 11-9.
The loser was supposed to donate $5,000 to the charity of the winner’s choice. Instead, Kimmel donated $10,000 to both charities ― Texas Children’s Hospital and Generation One in Houston ― and Cruz did the same.
“You’re a good sport,” Kimmel told Cruz after the game. “I still think you’re a terrible senator.”
This article originally appeared on HuffPost and has been updated.