Here's How Ridiculous It Would Look If Tabloids Treated Men The Way They Treat Women

Amanda Scherker
Updated

Tabloid magazines are the fast food of media -- we know they're not great for us, but plenty of us guiltily consume them anyway.

The harsh scrutiny, superficial judgements and snarky comments that fill gossip mags' pages disproportionately target female celebrities in sexist, demeaning ways. For serial tabloid-subscribers and casual checkout-line observers alike, it's easy for our palates to adjust to the absurdity.

The best proof that these comments and fixations on women's supposed "body flaws" and imaginary relationship dramas are sexist? Tabloid features about female celebrities seem absolutely ridiculous when you swap the subjects' gender. Take a look at our imaginary renditions of what these tabloids would look like if they dispensed their same commentary about male celebs that they do about famous women:

my body is back
my body is back

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Every five pounds Kim Kardashian gains or loses make the tabloid writer's jobs a little bit easier. When famous women lose weight, they've triumphed against the ultimate evil. When they gain weight, they're presumed to be sad, lonely, serial binge-eaters. You rarely see the same kind of obsessive monitoring of male bodies.

guy beach bods
guy beach bods

Being a female celebrity during the summertime means having your "bikini body" constantly appraised. While male celebrities can't escape fat-shaming entirely, women face the brunt of the summertime tabloid body police.

bride
bride

When a female celebrity says "I do," she's typically labeled as a sweet blushing bride or a deranged Bridezilla, and her choice of wedding dress becomes the most interesting thing about her. Dudes just wake up, throw on a nice suit and get married.

sunburns ow
sunburns ow

When nature takes its toll on male celebrities' skin, it's not exactly breaking news.

jonas brethren
jonas brethren

"Cat fights" make for the ultimate magazine cover fodder. But "brothers at war" over their bodies? That just sounds silly.

Hooters

<a href="http://www.hooters.com/home.aspx" target="_hplink">Hooters</a> opened in 1983 and has grown to more than 460 locations across 44 states. Chicken wings are the restaurant's specialty, but the menu also includes hamburgers, sandwiches, steaks and seafood entrees.

Mugs 'N Jugs

<a href="http://store6.geomerx.com/mugsnjugs/" target="_hplink">Mugs 'N Jugs</a> has two Florida locations and serves sports bar fare like wings, burgers and sandwiches.
Mugs 'N Jugs has two Florida locations and serves sports bar fare like wings, burgers and sandwiches.

Twin Peaks

<a href="http://www.twinpeaksrestaurant.com/" target="_hplink">Twin Peaks</a> is a chain based in Texas, with 24 locations in 10 states. The "ultimate man cave" is attended by the Twin Peaks girls, whose serve up patrons in skimpy outfits. The menu includes dishes like pulled pork BBQ nachos, homestyle meatloaf and buffalo wings.

Cowgirls Espresso

Seattle-based <a href="http://www.cowgirlsespresso.com/" target="_hplink">Cowgirl Espresso</a> is a coffee kiosk manned by baristas in barely-there ensembles. Costumes change depending on the day's theme; there's Military Mondays, Cowgirl Tuesdays, Bikini Wednesdays, School Girl Thursdays and Fantasy Fridays.

Show-Me's

<a href="http://www.showmes.com/" target="_hplink">Show-Me's</a> 16 locations in Indiana, Illinois, Ohio, Missouri and Kentucky serves up classic sports bar dishes with the tagline, "Show-Me's, when you have an appetite for fun."
Show-Me's 16 locations in Indiana, Illinois, Ohio, Missouri and Kentucky serves up classic sports bar dishes with the tagline, "Show-Me's, when you have an appetite for fun."

Bone Daddy's House of Smoke

<a href="http://www.bonedaddys.com/" target="_hplink">Bone Daddy's House of Smoke</a> is a BBQ joint with five Texas locations. Its website breaks down its appeal: "BBQ, BEER AND DADDY'S GIRLS."
Bone Daddy's House of Smoke is a BBQ joint with five Texas locations. Its website breaks down its appeal: "BBQ, BEER AND DADDY'S GIRLS."

Shorty's Bar and Grill

<a href="http://www.shortysbarandgrill.com/" target="_hplink">Shorty's Bar and Grill</a> describes itself as a family-friendly restaurant, but its waitresses -- the Shorty Girls -- always serve up fare wearing country-ified getups. Its website describes them as being of a "country girl-next door type." The place's "Big A$$" burger holds a hallowed place on the menu.

Man Cave

We first introduced you to <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Man-Cave-Restaurants/172065822900074?sk=wall&filter=12" target="_hplink">Man Cave</a> earlier this year, a Norman, Oklahoma eatery that's <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/12/man-cave-breastaurant_n_1339043.html" target="_hplink">exactly what it sounds like</a>. Wings and pizza are menu mainstays.

This article originally appeared on HuffPost.