Mr. Peanut Apparently Died, And Everyone Thinks He’s In Hell
Bartholomew Richard Fitzgerald-Smythe, the infamous legume traitor known more commonly as “Mr. Peanut,” was murdered by a marketing team on Wednesday. He was 104.
But that’s not what Planters, one of the nation’s largest snack brands (and the late Mr. Peanut’s employer), would have you believe.
“It is with heavy hearts that we confirm that Mr. Peanut has died at 104,” the Twitter account called “The Estate of Mr. Peanut” (formerly, “Mr. Peanut”), tweeted Wednesday. “In the ultimate selfless act, he sacrificed himself to save his friends when they needed him most. Please pay your respects with #RIPeanut.”
It is with heavy hearts that we confirm that Mr. Peanut has died at 104. In the ultimate selfless act, he sacrificed himself to save his friends when they needed him most. Please pay your respects with #RIPeanut pic.twitter.com/VFnEFod4Zp
— The Estate of Mr. Peanut (@MrPeanut) January 22, 2020
The Estate of Mr. Peanut (aka Planters’ PR team) also uploaded a very distasteful video of Mr. Peanut’s “death” on its YouTube page. In the cover-up video, Mr. Peanut is shown driving his Nutmobile with celebrity pals Wesley Snipes and Matt Walsh (“Veep”), when Mr. Peanut is forced to quickly swerve to dodge an armadillo. As a result, the Nutmobile flies off the side of a cliff and Mr. Peanut, Snipes and Walsh narrowly survive by clinging to a branch after being ejected from the vehicle. When the branch begins to break from the three friends’ combined weight, Mr. Peanut sacrifices himself and lets go, so the other two can survive.
Planters issued a press release encouraging people to mourn his death by tuning in for his funeral, which will air during the third quarter of the Super Bowl on Feb. 2. But the reaction on Twitter makes perfectly clear that people are not saddened by the news. In fact, many were convinced that the human-sized peanut man with a penchant for monocles and top hats was rotting in hell — oh, and that all of this is a really obnoxious PR stunt.
But, hey, the responses on Twitter are pretty hilarious. Check out the nuttiness below:
He sold his people to humans as food. He was a freakish monster, and nobody should mourn him. https://t.co/GFd015BPC1
— Renaissance Mandalorian (@indik) January 22, 2020
he is in hell now. it's brings me no joy to report this. pic.twitter.com/7MgH7fCUQF
— sadvil (@sadvil) January 22, 2020
Mr. Peanut is in Hell. He spent decades as the smiling face of a company that sold the boiled and roasted corpses of his people as a snack
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) January 22, 2020
Rot in hell you discount cashew
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) January 22, 2020
— dylan matthews (@dylanmatt) January 22, 2020
Hearing early reports that he died while nutting. Is this true?
— Roger (@iamtherog) January 22, 2020
So when they cremate Mr. Peanut, do they honey roast him or
— Carly (@nuclearcarly) January 22, 2020
I hate corporate brands utilizing social media.
— The Original “Destroy Wedgewood LLC” Society (@jefmbv) January 22, 2020
I let Mr. Peanut fuck my wife for a million dollars. Ruined everyone involved. Good riddance.
— Daniel Ralston (@danielralston) January 22, 2020
It is clear to anyone paying attention that there is something bigger here. Call it what it was you cowards. Mr. Peanut was murdered.
— Brendan Reamer (@Brendan_Reamer) January 22, 2020
i don't know why i blocked mr peanut in the first place, but this PR stunt is not gonna get me to unblock!
— EMC (@nehedar) January 22, 2020
I shall not mourn the death of Mr. Peanut. A capitalist who feeds his own kind to the machine in order to increase profits is exactly the kind of person who should be yeeted into an explosion #RIPMrPeanut
— نورجہاں پلّا (Pup Noor Jahan) (@PupNoorJahan) January 22, 2020
I’m DYING laughing thinking about the Mr. Peanut twitter team having this big red PR button on their desks for years and deciding that TODAY was the day they finally pushed it and killed off Mr. Peanut https://t.co/tTG8LsEFr1
— Dan 🌗 (@DanEmmans) January 22, 2020
Open or closed shell funeral?
— dave, airbag man (@airbagged) January 22, 2020
finally. mrs. peanut and I can stop sneaking around
— kilgore trout does not recall meeting lev parnas (@KT_So_It_Goes) January 22, 2020
— jack (@elferoh) January 22, 2020
Love HuffPost? Become a founding member of HuffPost Plus today.
This article originally appeared on HuffPost.