Marry Someone You Can Laugh With
Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. And in between all of the highs ― the wedding day, trips around the world, births of children ― there are going to be some lows. When you’re in the throes of one of those unavoidable rough patches, a shared sense of humor can truly be a lifesaver.
Writer Lisa Munn, aka Sarcastic Mommy on Twitter, told HuffPost she and her husband have relied on humor to get them through some of the challenging parts of their 18-year marriage, including job changes, multiple moves and parenting.
“Life is hard. It becomes a little more bearable when your significant other can cheer you up and put a smile on your face when you feel like doing anything but,” she said. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried and my husband has made me laugh at the same time. It never hurts to lighten a heavy situation with a little humor.”
I lost my keys & then found them where I'd left them but still blamed my husband.
Because that's how marriage works.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 12, 2017
Munn and her husband are on to something; science says laughing together can be an indicator of how strong your relationship is. Although there isn’t a ton of research on the subject, a small 2015 study from Laura Kurtz and Sara Algoe at the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill, published in the journal Personal Relationships, found a link between the amount of time couples spent laughing together and how supported and close they felt to one another.
Kurtz and Algoe recorded 71 heterosexual couples talking about how they first met. During the retelling, researchers tracked each couple’s shared spontaneous laughter and how long each of those instances lasted. Couples also completed a survey gauging the quality of their relationship. From this, Kurtz and Algoe learned that couples who spontaneously laugh together more often tend to also report feeling closer to and more supported by their partner overall.
“The results were found while controlling for any other laughter that occurred during the conversation but which was not shared ― i.e. all of the solo laughter for each person in the couple,” Kurtz explained to HuffPost. “What this suggests is that it’s not so much about how much your partner laughs or makes you laugh ― the real magic may be in those moments where both of you find yourselves laughing together.”
Karl Pillemer ― author and professor of human development at Cornell University ― interviewed 700 Americans ages 65 and older for his book 30 Lessons for Loving. He, too, found that a shared sense of humor is one of the keys to a lasting relationship.
“One of the best pieces of advice from people who have been in very long marriages is to lighten up. And this is what the ability to laugh does for a couple,” Pillemer told HuffPost. “Most people have had the experience of getting ready for a knock-down, drag-out fight, and then just start to laugh because the issue is so idiotic. So in general, humor is good.”
“However, be careful that ‘humor’ doesn’t extend to sarcasm and unwanted teasing,” he cautioned. “Sarcastic comments may seem funny to he or she who makes them, but they can kill the quality of a relationship. Laughing together is the key.”
Writer, husband and father of four James Breakwell, who runs the popular @XplodingUnicorn Twitter account, told HuffPost that when it comes to life’s stresses, “you can laugh or you can drink. I find it helps to do both.”
“My sense of humor saves my life every day. It’s all that stops my wife from smothering me in my sleep,” Breakwell ― who has been married 10 years ― told HuffPost. “It helps that I’m a comedy writer. Every time something terrible happens, I turn it into a joke and hopefully make some money off it. Then neither of us feels so bad. There’s always profit in pain.”
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Wife: We need milk, eggs, and bread. Write it down.
Me: No need. I'll remember.
[an hour later]
Wife: What did you buy?
Me: A panda.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 6, 2016
It might sound corny, but it’s true: a sense of humor really can be the glue that keeps a couple together when everything else is going to sh*t. Marriage is no joke, but if you can laugh together, you’re on the right track.
Also on HuffPost
87% of married sex starts with someone pausing House Hunters.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 3, 2016
My wife & I just snoozed 2 separate alarm clocks for 2.5 hrs. This is the exact relationship I hoped for.
— Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) May 18, 2016
When my husband goes outside to investigate a strange noise, how long do I have to wait before un-pausing the show we were watching?
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 30, 2015
Wife: We need milk, eggs, and bread. Write it down.
Me: No need. I'll remember.
[an hour later]
Wife: What did you buy?
Me: A panda.— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 6, 2016
"I was just about to do that chore that I see you're starting now"
- Marriage— Zack (@Mr_Kapowski) May 10, 2016
It was while watching husband eat 9 hard-boiled eggs in one sitting that I realized I'd achieved my childhood dream of marrying Gaston.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) May 15, 2016
Marriage is basically shouting the word DOG at each other whilst out when you see a dog and acknowledging that it is indeed, a good dog.
— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) April 10, 2016
me: HONEY COME DOWN to THE BASEMENT!
wife: are u dressed as Pickachu again?
me: NO NO, ITS AN EMERGENCY
wife: ok
me: pic.twitter.com/iFzsSOMQuZ— Mr. Peel (@Rlpihl) May 13, 2016
[in bed]
Me: I like the sound of that. What are you doing under those covers?
Wife: Stirring mac and cheese.
Me: oh hell yeah— Rock (@TheMichaelRock) April 14, 2016
*pulls curtain back while wife is in the shower*
me: Are we - stop screaming, it's just me- are we out of Cheetos?— Josh (@iwearaonesie) February 24, 2016
Nothing in life can prepare you for how much of marriage is spent just listening to someone cough.
— beth loves cake, so (@bourgeoisalien) May 3, 2016
Most of your time being married is spent saying, "I never heard you say that."
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 11, 2016
You: *opens mouth to say something
Me: "Shh, baby, I really don't feel like arguing right now."
-marriage— Scorpicpanda (@scorpicpanda) March 20, 2016
[watching a video of melted cheese being poured on food]
Husband: Whatcha doing?
Me: PORN— Jenn (@heyevergreen) April 17, 2016
My wife & I are pretty sure if we make coffee, we can stay awake to watch a movie after 9 PM. So yeah, I'd say we keep it lit.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 16, 2016
Before I got married I didn't realize "What do you want to watch?" was a rhetorical question
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) May 16, 2016
That moment when you turn a corner and scare the hell out of each other and then you both get mad like it was on purpose.
- Marriage— Downtime Dad (@DowntimeDad) May 6, 2016
🎶 You take the good, you take the bad, you took the leftovers, now I'm mad. 🎶
-The Facts of Wife— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 3, 2015
This article originally appeared on HuffPost.