Some Solutions To The Problem Of Hiding One's Tampon On The Way To The Bathroom

Sara Boboltz and Eva Hill
Updated

Ladies!

You know what gets weirder the more you think about it? Getting up to go to the bathroom when you're carrying (*whispers*) a tampon.

It was determined long ago, probably by some man, that revealing a tampon anywhere between the innermost pocket of your handbag and the relative safety of a bathroom stall is "awkward." And as we know, misfortune will rain upon anyone who improperly conceals her feminine hygiene products, lest it be known that you have a uterus. Skies will darken. Crops will wither. A plague of killer bees will descend upon your home and take up residence in every last pair of shoes -- even in the bunny slippers you just wear around the house because no one sees you there.

Whether you let slip the fact that you're (*uses morse code*) on your period shouldn't matter whatsoever, but such is a woman's burden. Oh well!

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Below, please find nine of our favorite ways to bring a tampon into the bathroom completely unnoticed, so you can rest easy knowing that no one suspects you are a female human.* Good luck out there!

"The Magician"


Hide tampon up a long sleeve.

"The Holster"


Slip tampon into uncomfortably tight jeans pocket.

"The Granny"


Conceal tampon in a sweater folded neatly over the arm.

"The Half Marathoner"


Slip tampon into shoe.

"The Full Marathoner"


Hide tampon in water bottle.

"The Pinch Hitter"


Tape tampon to underside of baseball cap.

"The Binge Reader"


Hollow out a favorite book in which to hide a tampon.

"The Long Con"


Slip into bathroom in the dead of night and tape box of tampons to back of toilet for future use.

"The Snow White"


Befriend a small woodland creature with a penchant for hiding small objects.

* Being a female human rocks and this is a joke.

Words by Sara Boboltz; Illustrations by Eva Hill.

Embrace your bossiness

"I just love bossy women. I could be around them all day," Poehler told Glamour in 2011. "To me, bossy is not a pejorative term at all. It means somebody’s passionate and engaged and ambitious and doesn’t mind leading." And Fey, in her book aptly titled Bossypants, advised readers: "Do your thing and don't care if they like it."
"I just love bossy women. I could be around them all day," Poehler told Glamour in 2011. "To me, bossy is not a pejorative term at all. It means somebody’s passionate and engaged and ambitious and doesn’t mind leading." And Fey, in her book aptly titled Bossypants, advised readers: "Do your thing and don't care if they like it."

Ignore the "crazy" label

“I have a suspicion -- and hear me out, ’cause this is a rough one -- I have a suspicion that the definition of ‘crazy’ in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to f**k her anymore," wrote Fey in Bossypants.
“I have a suspicion -- and hear me out, ’cause this is a rough one -- I have a suspicion that the definition of ‘crazy’ in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to f**k her anymore," wrote Fey in Bossypants.

Step away from your screens every once in a while and live in the moment

"Try putting your iPhones down every once in a while and look at people's faces," Poehler said during her 2011 class day speech at Harvard. "People's faces will tell you amazing things. Like if they are angry or nauseous, or asleep."
"Try putting your iPhones down every once in a while and look at people's faces," Poehler said during her 2011 class day speech at Harvard. "People's faces will tell you amazing things. Like if they are angry or nauseous, or asleep."

Break the "rules" sometimes

When it comes to your career, ignore what people think you should be doing

"There's an unwritten rule that women who stay at home are supposed to pretend it's boring, and women who work are supposed to pretend they feel guilty," Poehler told Rachel Dratch in a 2010 interview for BUST. We know that both of those options are bullsh*t.
"There's an unwritten rule that women who stay at home are supposed to pretend it's boring, and women who work are supposed to pretend they feel guilty," Poehler told Rachel Dratch in a 2010 interview for BUST. We know that both of those options are bullsh*t.

It's best to take any setbacks gracefully. And losing is always better when you do it with a buddy

Be kind to yourself -- and to your body

Body image can be a struggle for everyone, but the best thing you can do is avoid beating yourself up for not fitting into some "ideal." "I go up and down a few pounds with a relative amount of kindness to myself," Fey told Vogue in 2010. "And I have a daughter, and I don’t want her to waste her time on all of that."
Body image can be a struggle for everyone, but the best thing you can do is avoid beating yourself up for not fitting into some "ideal." "I go up and down a few pounds with a relative amount of kindness to myself," Fey told Vogue in 2010. "And I have a daughter, and I don’t want her to waste her time on all of that."

One of the best ways to subvert gender norms is to make fun of them

Know that falling in love is both the best and the worst -- and you'll have to learn to experience it both ways

In the wise words of Amy Poehler: Being in love is the worst. It’s also the best, but it’s so hard and scary to open your heart to someone … when you tell somebody you love them or you realize you’re in love, what it means is you’re giving yourself over a little bit, you’re being vulnerable. But the point is vulnerability is the key to happiness. Vulnerable people are powerful people … celebrate the idea that you’re in love and that you love the idea of being in love.

In conclusion? These two are truly the best.

This article originally appeared on HuffPost.