55 Funny Tweets About Hallmark Christmas Movies
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The holiday season is a time for festive decorations, seasonal songs, delicious eggnog and, of course, tremendously cheesy and formulaic Christmas movies from the Hallmark Channel.
Hallmark movies have a dedicated following of fans who genuinely love ― or love to hate ― these tales of lonely innkeepers, corporate women who’ve given up on romance, widowed Christmas tree farmers and more. Many Hallmark viewers also love to tweet about the comfortingly familiar films.
We’ve rounded up 55 funny and all-too-real tweets about Hallmark holiday movies. Enjoy!
Dammit I fell asleep during a Hallmark movie so now I'll never know if the cute couple who misunderstood each other at first fell in love.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) December 21, 2016
she was new in town and didn’t have any friends, until she decided to trust a handsome stranger
—hallmark movies and true crime podcasts— Jennifer McAuliffe (@JenniferJokes) November 18, 2020
Does every Hallmark Christmas movie have the same plot?
Yes.
Am I still going to watch them and act surprised when Susan falls in love with the small town baker who only wears sweaters instead of falling for the big city CEO?
Yes.— Alli Moore (@AlliMichalMoore) November 22, 2017
[watching romance movie on Hallmark channel]
Me: *crying* It’s. Just. So. Beautiful.
Husband: *crying* It’s. Just. So. Terrible.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 13, 2019
Every Christmas movie that starts with a single dad has a dead mom. I’m pretty sure that @hallmarkchannel has killed off more moms than @lifetimetv at this point. Hallmark does not believe in divorce, especially during the holidays. #ChristmasMovies vs. #TrueCrime#SaveMoms
— Keisha A. Salmon (@KEISHAinc) November 15, 2022
Hey nice city boyfriends/love interests in Hallmark Xmas movies who graciously lose out to the small town guy when she decides to follow her heart and stay— hit me up when you get back to the city 💃🏻
— Christine Nangle (@nanglish) November 25, 2018
The man in the Hallmark movie just hired a nanny so he could continue to work on THIS pic.twitter.com/GgTKWsgabu
— Justin “Hoops” McElroy (@JustinMcElroy) November 20, 2019
What is it about Hallmark Christmas movies that seems like the casting directors just walked into a Target, walked up to the relatively most attractive white person and said “Hey wanna be in a movie?”
— katie jo (@katiejoyofosho) December 23, 2019
House Hunters and a Hallmark Christmas movie. The only two places where a reindeer groomer is independently wealthy.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 8, 2017
These Hallmark Christmas movies inspire me to believe that one day I too can bicker my way into true love with a Canadian long johns model if I just curl my crispy blonde hair into gross enough spirals
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) December 31, 2017
lady in hallmark movie just said “sorry I’m late, the stars are breathtaking tonight” and everyone was fine with it. no one blinked an eye. those are 2 separate thoughts. u did not arrive late because you were just fucking, looking up. i can’t say “sorry im late, there are birds”
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) January 13, 2019
I'm beginning to think Hallmark might have a formula for their Christmas movie posters. pic.twitter.com/w1uGBSwlFI
— Dave Addey (@daveaddey) December 10, 2017
a hallmark christmas film starring werner herzog and tilda swinton as two romantic leads drawn together by a shared love of walnuts and figs and kept apart by bitter grocery store owner who only stocks enough for one (played by harrison ford, with earring)
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) November 28, 2020
I will write the queer Hallmark holiday movie about a gal who leaves the city to find small town love
& then moves back to the city bc cmon— Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) November 26, 2019
I'm convinced that every single Lifetime/Hallmark/ABC Family TV Christmas movie was scored by the same person. The music is always this bouncy, obvious "HERE COMES THE BAD GUY" or "UH OH AWKWARD" theme
— jacksfilms (@jacksfilms) December 10, 2017
I'm sorry. I'm watching a Hallmark 🎄 movie and he just said, "You are the reason I got a library card" and I'm not sure I've heard anything sexier?
— Estelle (@thatsostelle) October 27, 2022
please let me write a hallmark christmas movie where the townspeople of Snow Falls, North Dakota meet one (1) single jewish person
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) October 8, 2019
It would take surprisingly few tweaks to turn MISERY into a Hallmark Christmas movie.
— Mary Gillis (@living_marble) November 10, 2022
I’m one Hallmark movie away from grabbing the cute, single dad down the street and making snow angels.
— Chelle (@BombChelleMama) December 1, 2018
Just watched a Hallmark Christmas movie about a psych professor who gets a call from the "dean of Yale University" saying they saw her thesis manuscript (!) and want to publish it (!!), and then the dean's like, "also, an associate professor position just opened up, come" (!!!).
— Nicole Seymour (she/her/hers/Dr.) (@nseymourPHD) November 21, 2018
I’m waiting for a reverse Hallmark Christmas Movie about a small town girl who realizes her community’s politics are terrible, moves to Manhattan, gets a high pressure office job, meets a businessman, and they host a non-denominational holiday party at their penthouse.
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) December 1, 2018
I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Hallmark Christmas movies and then asked it to write a Hallmark Christmas movie of its own. Here is the first page. pic.twitter.com/HMEtkzHVCi
— Keaton Patti (@KeatonPatti) December 12, 2018
I'm watching Hallmark Christmas movies (FOR RESEARCH jeez) and I am scandalized how quickly the city girl goes over to the handsome widower's house. Like all you know about him is he has a dead wife and statistically he's the one who did it. All that risk for a dry lip smooch? no
— Jennifer McAuliffe (@JenniferJokes) August 11, 2020
I want to see a reverse Hallmark movie where someone starts out with a ton of Christmas spirit and then gets broken down and hates the holidays by the end.
— JEFF WILD (@jiffywild) December 24, 2018
They need to make a Hallmark Christmas movie about a Mom who slowly loses her mind because no-one appreciates her and by the end she sets fire to the Christmas tree, throws all the presents in the snow, and runs down the street in her bathrobe screaming “Fuck Everyone!”
— Harris (@GrandpaHarris65) May 22, 2022
MAKE A HALLMARK CHRISTMAS MOVIE SET IN HAWAII CALLED ‘MAUI CHRISTMAS’ YOU COWARDS
— katie jo (@katiejoyofosho) January 19, 2020
In my touching Hallmark Channel movie, I die in the beginning and the remaining 2 hours is my husband learning to wrap presents.
— Molly Erdman (@erdmanmolly) April 7, 2018
Sometimes I discover a plot hole in a Hallmark movie and I feel like I’m the king of the world
— Bart (@bartandsoul) July 15, 2019
Hello it’s me, the villain of this hallmark movie, I’m the protagonists shitty girlfriend from the big city as well as the only person in the whole world who inexplicably hates dogs. I hate your used bookstore and I WILL close it down, woman who will eventually date my boyfriend!
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) February 2, 2018
the bad guy in hallmark movies is a boyfriend who is like “uh no babe i cant drop everything + leave work this weekend im about to close a deal for ten million dollars that will set us up for life” and the good guy is a guy who is just standing there when she gets to her hometown
— owen cyclops (@owenbroadcast) November 4, 2022
I'm a typical female in that I love Hallmark Christmas movies, but I also sometimes wonder about the penis sizes of the male leads.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) December 9, 2019
Last night I fell asleep during a Hallmark Christmas movie and now I’ll never know if the margarine woman conned the CPR dummy into loving her
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) November 24, 2018
I love how every Hallmark movie the fiance/current boyfriend is potrayed as a deadbeat for often having some opportunity pop-up plenty of times INVOLVING the girlfriend
But he doesn’t like LOVE Christmas so he’s not the one— Craigory Smith, KXCN (@nihilist_bucks) November 23, 2021
Some one hire me to write a Hallmark movie about a Black girl that escapes her suffocating small town & broke ass high school boyfriend in favor of a great career in the city with an adventurous well off man who loves to travel
— ❄Mikki Kendall❄ (@Karnythia) December 11, 2018
seriously i've seen like 39 hallmark movies this year & everyone of them is about a mean realestate developer or a sled that needs polishing
— matthew gourd gourdler (@GUBLERNATION) December 24, 2016
Has a Christmas ball/gala ever existed outside the confines of a Hallmark or Lifetime holiday movie 🎄
— Emma Gray (@emmaladyrose) December 24, 2019
Earlier today, I had a rep at Amazon named 'Angel,' who saved the day on a Christmas present for my son, and just now, a Citibank rep named 'Gabriel' was able to reverse a double charge from DoorDash that would've caused a check to bounce. Am I in a Hallmark holiday movie?
— Gennefer WEAR A MASK Gross (@Gennefer) December 17, 2017
For those of you who think I never “reach across the aisle” to listen to Republicans, I’ll have you know I’ve already watched a Hallmark Christmas movie this year.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) November 12, 2018
The plot of every Hallmark movie is about a career woman who is too busy for love but she has to move to a small town where a handsome local bachelor teaches her about the true spirit of the holiday. It starts snowing and they kiss. There is also a dog.
— Joel Doubleyou (@JoelDoubleyou) November 19, 2018
What I really want is a Hallmark movie where a woman learns the true meaning of Christmas while she hunts a serial killer.
— Dammit Erin (@DammitErin) December 2, 2019
Spoiler alert, someone in that Hallmark Christmas movie drives a cool vintage truck.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 21, 2018
thing about me is… ima watch every Hallmark holiday movie that I stumble upon.
— Serene Brook Russell (@SereneBRussell) November 9, 2022
Actual conversation at work today:
"I've heard you know Hallmark movies."
Me: pic.twitter.com/IsEWBRrQuV— Linda Holmes Thinks You're Doing Great (@lindaholmes) December 14, 2017
WIFE: hey wanna try some role play?
ME: [unaware she just completed a 10 hr hallmark christmas movie bender] wow, sure
WIFE: ok i’ll be the big city executive visiting my rural hometown and you be the old bff who is still single and grew up hot— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 10, 2019
The most unrealistic thing about Hallmark movies is how well all of these women walk in heels.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) December 31, 2017
Hallmark Christmas movie where the overworked single 30-something woman moves to a small town in Georgia to work on a runoff election. She doesn’t find love. She helps keep a US Senate seat, finds happiness in preserving Democracy. It’s called “A Campaign for Christmas”.
— Molly Korn (@mdobk) November 13, 2022
I am once again asking for the Hallmark Christmas movie where the high-powered lawyer who moved to the big city sees that her ex boyfriend from her small town is now on trial for being at the Capitol and her mom is completely redpilled sharing QAnon memes on Facebook.
— Eric Michael Garcia (@EricMGarcia) November 26, 2022
Let me write a Hallmark movie about how while all the Christians go back to their hometowns to find love, the Jews have an easier time getting restaurant reservations in New York City for a week.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) November 27, 2022
The real stars of these Hallmark Christmas movies are all the scarves.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 20, 2018
What’s your favorite Hallmark Christmas movie? The one with the lady from the big city who goes back to the rural town where she grew up and runs into an old boyfriend? Or the one with the lady from the big city who goes back to the rural town where she gre
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 9, 2018
I told my husband we need to decorate the kitchen like I saw on a Hallmark Christmas movie & now I think I’m getting a divorce.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 27, 2018
Every Hallmark romance movie is like "yeahhhh you wanna live in a small town"
And every Hallmark mystery series is like "YOU ABSOLUTELY DO NOT WANT TO LIVE IN A SMALL TOWN"— Dr. J (@learnteachwin) April 3, 2022
I want a Hallmark movie about a woman who dumps her bigoted small-town boyfriend, moves to a big city, lands a dream job and discovers the magic of Christmas by living in community with people of different creeds and cultures.
— Icona 📚 (@iconawrites) December 6, 2022
every hallmark holiday movie plot hinges on the cancer-capricorn axis
— rowan ☿ (@rowastrology) November 29, 2022
The sibling relationships in Hallmark movies are intense, especially when one of them won’t be home for Christmas. That’s excruciating pain. You need to understand these siblings were kids together.
— John Levenstein (@johnlevenstein) November 29, 2020
I yelled ‘hold the lift please!’ earlier whilst on the phone, running in heels and carrying a take-out coffee. Cannot believe I am a busy exec in a Hallmark movie whose life is about to be turned upside down by inheriting a B&B in the countryside!!!
— Juliet Mushens (@mushenska) October 2, 2019
