Funny Tweets For Grammar Nerds

if you try to correct my grammar, i will think fewer of you

— Sammy (@thesammyhannah) January 24, 2021

*swigs tequila*
*slams down shot glass*
*stretches triceps*
*jogs in place*
F yeah. Let's do this.
*points out grammar mistakes on Facebook*

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) February 2, 2017

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month.

Sorry, bad punctuation.

I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) November 10, 2020

[screams into the abyss]
SOMETIMES THE WRONG GRAMMAR MAKES THE JOKE SOUND BETTER

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 14, 2016

Guys. I have not been so excited in maybe a year. Someone just corrected my grammar online but they're incorrect.

— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) August 25, 2015

little known fact: the em dash is actually named after noted dash fan emily dickinson

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) December 10, 2019

Earth, Wind and Fire doesn't give two beans about your Oxford comma.

— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) September 16, 2017

me flirting: so here’s why what you just said was grammatically incorrect

— keely flaherty (@keelyflaherty) November 26, 2017

I used to love correcting people's grammar until I realized what I loved more was having friends.

— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) February 8, 2014

I can’t stand people who has bad grammar.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 22, 2020

there's a typo in my last tweet but grammar wasn't even codified until relatively recently and also death comes for us all

— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) July 6, 2016

me deleting the oxford comma from a post so it meets the character limit pic.twitter.com/RkTYwzLyBz

— girlboss don biggaveli (@rwxoxo) August 7, 2017

People who have terrible grammar on the internet should go to they'reapy

— Megan Amram (@meganamram) December 5, 2014

My wife, who’s a copy editor, tells me that to encourage distancing, the MLA has gone back to two spaces after a period.

— Keith A. Eddins (@EugeneinOregon) March 22, 2020

I don't want to brag but I managed to use the following in one sentence: a colon; a semicolon; em dashes—you know that's right—AND quotation marks in what many people are saying is "the best sentence of all time."

*blows smoke off finger guns*

— ⚓️🚢Imani Gandy 🚢⚓️ (@AngryBlackLady) November 24, 2020

The annoying thing about having incredible grammar skills is how everyone wants to have sex with I.

— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) October 23, 2018

gonna make a bumper sticker for my car that says "MY KID IS SMARTER THAN YOU'RE KID" just to troll the grammar nazis behind me

— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) February 20, 2017

If you’re wondering how punctuation can be used to create suspense,

— The Untastic Mr. Fitz (@UnFitz) January 20, 2020

It’s called a semicolon because people only use it correctly half the time. The other half it’s used for a winky emoticon symbol.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) July 18, 2014

*Corrects the grammar on your Christmas card and mails it back*

— Marl (@Marlebean) December 7, 2014

Grammar Police: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: So you'd have an excuse to end a sentence with a preposition?
GP: You're free to go.

— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) March 28, 2017

when i die i hope god shows me all the commas i forgot to put in my writing

— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) January 12, 2018

Wife: I’m leaving you.

Me: is it because I’m the universal blood donor type but I never donate blood?

Wife: no, it’s because of your terrible grammatical errors in everything you write.

Me: [whispers] type-o.

— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) September 20, 2018

Two scientists walk into a bar.
"I'll have H2O," says the 1st.
"I'll have H2O, too," says the 2nd.
Bartender gives them water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.

— Diane Turnshek (@DianeTurnshek) December 8, 2017

Who vs. whom grammar tip:

Use "who" if you can substitute "he/she."

Use "whom" if you're a pretentious douche who likes to sound smart.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 4, 2015

What I hate most about Twitter: finishing a good tweet, having -1 characters left, and then having to decide which grammar crime to commit.

— Cora (@vintageortacky) December 20, 2011

Please know that when I correct your grammar, I do it with love.

As well as a smug sense of superiority.

— Northern Lights 🦖🦎🐢 (@PinkCamoTO) March 2, 2017

(sees Liam Neeson on the street) Hey, dummy, it's "what I do have IS a very particular set of skills. Not 'are.' Guess grammar isn't one o

— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) May 28, 2015

My copyeditor has corrected 'you've another thing coming' to 'you've another think coming' and I just googled it and she's right and now everything I've ever known is a lie

— Tammy Cohen (@MsTamarCohen) January 19, 2019

deleting tweets that contain grammatical errors and tweeting them again as if nobody saw it the first time >>>

— B (@bernetteisqueen) August 14, 2020

Just remembered when I taught myself basic Hindi so I could speak to grandfather on his death bed and his final words to me were correcting my grammar

— Anna Fitzpatrick (@bananafitz) August 17, 2018

I am haunted by nothing but the commas I got wrong.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 2, 2020

Coworker of mine couldn't remember the name for ellipsis and called them DRAMA DOTS and now I will too forever thanks

— Will Taylor (@InkAndHive) February 24, 2020

"I'm a copy-editor"
- boring
- who cares
- what does that even mean

"I am here to right what has gone wrong"
- mysterious
- ominous
- maybe you have a sword

— David East (@davideastUK) February 10, 2020

Sometimes I throw, in a few extra commas just, so they can hang out,, and catch up,,,

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 20, 2018

While y’all were watching the debate, I spent 30 minutes texting someone about reflexive pronouns and the proper use of “myself,” so I’m pretty sure we all know who the winner was tonight.

My mother. The copy editor. The grammar task master. She’s the reason for this.

— ⚓️🚢Imani Gandy 🚢⚓️ (@AngryBlackLady) August 1, 2019

High School English teacher: so when in doubt, insert a comma anywhere you would naturally pause when speaking
15 y/o William Shatner: o, k

— maura quint (@behindyourback) June 9, 2016

8yo is writing a story. Her antagonist has written a letter, I said she needed a question mark, "Villains don't care about punctuation!"

— Karen Cole 💙 (@karlou) November 15, 2015

I hope I can still correct people's grammar when I'm a ghost

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) November 9, 2014

Kerouac doesn't obey grammar rules: HE'S A SUBVERSIVE LITERARY GENIUS
Girl on the internet does same: IT'S THE DOWNFALL OF THE WRITTEN WORD

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) April 7, 2016

Writer: "Is it 'firsthand' or 'first hand'?"
Editor: "Either one is fine." pic.twitter.com/36xHxrG9q1

— AJ ⚾️ (@NCSox) October 29, 2017

me, young, not cool *knows when and how to properly use a colon and semi-colon*

me, way too old, very cool *never capitalizes anything and abandons commas like they were the accidental prom baby I never wanted*

— maura quint (@behindyourback) July 12, 2018

[Ouija board]

“Who am I speaking to?”

ACTUALLY, IT'S "WITH WHOM AM I SPEAKING?"

“It’s a grammar Nazi ghost! Abort! Abort!”

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 12, 2016

Before sex I like to listen to my favorite podcast about grammar

— grace spelman: spokeswoman for loving alan alda (@GraceSpelman) May 22, 2015

You know I genuinely loved your tweet because I retweeted it despite the grammatical errors.

— Naazihah (@naazihah) March 3, 2013

me: when I sign off emails with simply “Love Karen” it’s not bc I forgot the middle comma!! It’s bc it’s an order to love me :-)

potential employer: that makes this even weirder

— Karen Chee (@karencheee) December 4, 2018

I dreamt I gave a TED Talk about the importance of the Oxford comma. Ok, I was awake.

— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) March 24, 2018

Journalists: ~grammar~ 😌✨

Also journalists:

Lede
Graf
Hed
Dek

— Stacy Fernández (@StacyFernandezB) October 8, 2020

Grammar Fun Fact: A group of teenagers is called "a shit."

— Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) November 25, 2012

i hope a lot of yall's comma keys on all your keyboards die in a fire bc yall be ABUSING

— tracy the business goose (@brokeymcpoverty) December 30, 2016

COMMAS AREN’T PEOPLE. https://t.co/dO1EzRygNw

— Robyn D’Banche (@supershadiobro) December 6, 2017

Trump: I am illegally defunding the Post Office so less people can vote.

Democrats: *fewer

— Michael Green (@andmichaelgreen) August 13, 2020

let’s keep that period inside those quotation marks babygirl 🤪🤪🤪🤪

— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) June 12, 2020

Instagram added a period to the end of its notifications making them grammatically correct as if I didn't want to marry instagram already

— Chelsea Nachman (@chelseanachman) December 11, 2014

When you abandon all grammar and punctuation, it’s hard for me to tell if you’re terrible at writing sentences or great at writing poetry.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 29, 2013