The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week
Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Kids don't have a volume knob, they have a volume roulette wheel.
— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) October 3, 2017
1st Kid: spends 6 weeks sewing perfect costume
2nd Kid: *cuts holes in an old NKOTB beach towel* just say you're an 80's ghost or some shit— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 1, 2017
Parents on Facebook are sipping pumpkin spice lattes while making gourmet breakfasts.
Meanwhile, Twitter parents: pic.twitter.com/EOOphT6jbz— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) October 4, 2017
*me, at liquor store
“Hi. I have to attend three kids parties this weekend. What would you suggest?”— Meh, Interrupted (@TheAlexNevil) October 3, 2017
If you consider scream-swearing into the dark at 4 am handling motherhood with grace and tact, then it me.
— ☠Mommy Cusses☠ (@mommy_cusses) September 30, 2017
If it’s Sunday night and you’re not just finding out about a school project due tomorrow are you really even a parent?
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) October 1, 2017
One day my kids will ask me why we never went any place fun and I will tell them it’s because I spent all my time putting the throw pillows back on the couch.
— 🎃MamaFizzles🎃 (@MamaFizzles) October 3, 2017
Having kids means you'll never be able to drive & sing along to your favorite song ever again.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 4, 2017
Welcome to parenthood.
Everything you touch will be sticky.— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) October 4, 2017
13 out of 10 parents have difficulty helping their kids with Common Core math homework.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) October 2, 2017
2yo is passed out, clutching a fist full of fries. She's 100% mine.
— Lilly (@misslillytoyou) October 4, 2017
[sees teacher from school at the store]
7-year-old: They let you out?— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 30, 2017
My daughter's response to me saying I won't be peeling her apples today.
Well played, kid. pic.twitter.com/3MQTFrQjqw— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 3, 2017
New haunted house suggestion: the "child who got a nosebleed in the middle of the night" room. It was a straight up horror scene you guys.
— here comes the son (@idtweetforever) October 4, 2017
Me on the couch:....
My family:......
Me in the shower:.....
My family: “Can I have a snack?” “Have you seen the remote?” “Help!”— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) October 5, 2017
I asked around for tooth fairy rates and some of you people are rewarding your kids with lots of money for an inevitable bodily function.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) September 30, 2017
Carving pumpkins is a good example of something that you loved as a kid only to grow up and realize that it totally sucks.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) October 1, 2017
5: I feel sick and my medicine is pumpkin spice.
Me: what?
5: I don't know. I heard a teacher say it and it seemed to work.— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) October 6, 2017
I'm starting to think my daughter's "homework" every day is to just take the laptop from me when I finally sit down to use it.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) October 5, 2017
Friend: Are you dressing up for Halloween?
Me: That depends. Do you consider "Mom who has mostly given up" a scary costume?— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) October 4, 2017
My husband gave me a break by doing the grocery shopping, but he didn’t take the kids with him so, I don’t think he knows how breaks work.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) September 30, 2017
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This article originally appeared on HuffPost.