The Funniest Tweets From Couples Who Treat The Dog Better Than Each Other

Whenever my husband shows me affection and my dogs get jealous, I have to tell them that they are my true loves and he means nothing to me.

— Stacey (@skittle624) November 3, 2018

I sneezed and my husband didn’t say a word.

Fifteen minutes later the dog sneezed.

Husband FROM UPSTAIRS, “BLESS YOU!”

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) February 26, 2020

If you want to know how I rate in our household, my wife has one term of endearment for me and 74 for our dog.

— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) March 24, 2017

[middle of the night]
*wife rolls over*
me: I'm trying to sleep!
*dog sits on my head*
me: Hi puppy

— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 6, 2016

My husband has already apologized more to the dog in 3 weeks than to me in 6 years

— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) January 6, 2020

Husband: *gets in the shower*

Me: Honey! Come quick! Hurry!

Husband: *soaking wet* What is it? What’s wrong?

Me: Look what the dog is doing. Isn’t he the cutest?

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) December 18, 2019

My husband came home from being gone for 6 days, walked through the door & went straight to the dog.

And that’s what it’s like to be married for 20 years.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 6, 2020

I like to think my dog follows me to the bathroom so we can gossip about my wife in private.

— lucy bexley🌈 (@bexley_lucy) July 10, 2020

I will give my wife a back rub for 5 minutes before I get tired but I'll rub my dog's ears for hours until he ends it.

— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) November 17, 2017

*Arriving home at the end of the day*
Me: Hi handsome
Husband: Hi
Me: Sorry I was talking to the dog

— sophielou (@sophielou) July 17, 2019

Another romantic evening with my husband except it's us watching TV while he cuddles with the dogs.

— EricaTriesToTweet (@EricaWhoToYou) July 3, 2017

Me: Don’t forget we’re wearing matching costumes for Halloween.

Husband: Great! What should we be?

Me: I meant me and the dog.

Husband: Of course you did.

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) October 7, 2019

WIFE: He never pays any attention to me. All he cares about is that dog.

THERAPIST: is this true?

ME: [sewing swim trunks for the dog] is what true?

— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) May 19, 2018

No one:

My husband: I don't know what your Friday night plans are, but I'm drinking hard seltzer and watching Air Bud with the dogs.

— Black Lives Matter Betty (@EzMacArt) February 28, 2020

*husband snoring*
Me: OMG YOU NEED TO GET YOUR OWN ROOM I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

*my dog snoring louder than my husband*
Me: OMG You are so adorable!

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 5, 2020

My husband asked me to do something creative in the bedroom, so I positioned my three dogs in the shape of a heart and went to sleep.

— Stacey (@skittle624) April 23, 2018

My camera roll:

2% my wife
5% me and my wife
93% our dog

— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) November 22, 2017

*gets home from PetSmart*
me: Don't let the dog see the bag. I don't want her to know where we got her present
wife
me
wife
me: What?

— Josh (@iwearaonesie) December 11, 2016

My husband calls me Sugar and my dog's name is Sugar so when he says, "C'mere Sugar" there's an awkward stare down between me and the dog.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) March 24, 2017

Thank god for our dog. She's the only reason my wife lets me turn on the air conditioning.

— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) May 25, 2020

Me: Bye! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
Husband from another room: Bye! I LO-
Me: Oh, I wasn't talking to you *Goes back to enthusiastically hugging dog*

— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) March 2, 2018

I knew getting a dog would bring my husband and I closer together but I was not prepared for the incredible new level of intimacy and sensitivity he’s displayed... toward the dog pic.twitter.com/uF8kUsojNS

— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) April 9, 2020

wife: You're home early
me [hugging the dog] I had to see you

— Josh (@iwearaonesie) May 3, 2016

[wife returns from overnight work trip]
"Why's there 2 dirty wine glasses??"

[flashback to romantic dinner w/ dog]

...it was another woman

— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) January 28, 2015

HUSBAND: I got the dog heart shaped cookies for Valentine’s Day.

ME: *through a mouthful of cookies* The dog?

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) February 14, 2019

My dog decided she is a teddy bear, and I wake up to her and my husband like this every morning now. pic.twitter.com/Nopf7pbe1O

— Black Lives Matter Betty (@EzMacArt) November 7, 2019

I insisted on making my dog her own pancake and my wife is annoyed with me?? Just because I made us late for therapy?? Big picture, babe. pic.twitter.com/glTdEZxI8L

— lucy bexley🌈 (@bexley_lucy) July 12, 2020

I convinced my spouse we needed more “security” but mostly I wanted a video doorbell on our backdoor so I could watch live streams of our dogs all day.

— Betty (@BoomBoomBetty) October 16, 2019

When me or my wife video call each other it goes like this:
"Hi, where's the dog?"

— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) August 28, 2017

Husband: We need to stop spending so much money.

Me: *fluffing the pillows on the dogs’ new paw patrol beds* not sure what you mean by that but okay.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 9, 2020

Dog: *sneaks one of my chips*

Me: aw you sneaky goose 😍

Husband: *sneaks one of my chips*

Me: pic.twitter.com/cSM4YBLj5v

— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) August 6, 2019

In an effort to keep our house clean before Christmas, I’ve asked my husband & kids to relocate.

Dogs can stay. I’m not heartless.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 23, 2019