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Parents, to their kids: Hey, you guys have to be nicer to each other.
Parents, to their own siblings: Hey, idiots.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) May 16, 2020
It’s the last week of school and I’m proud to say my husband and I have a B- in 3rd grade math
— NoTasha (@looksliketuttut) May 18, 2020
My child: I want a snack.
Me: Okay, just give me one minute and I will get it for you.
What my child heard: You will never eat another snack again. Commence with the screaming.
— Jordyn Armour (@survivingmommy_) May 17, 2020
Charlie Brown's teacher,
but it's my kid explaining Minecraft to me.
— Marlantined (@Marlebean) May 19, 2020
My middle schooler just remembered there is a lunch in her locker.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 18, 2020
[buying shoes for our kids]
her: which do you like better
me: idk probably our daughter
— Christopher Ashman (@CAshmanActor) May 20, 2020
I really miss my son texting me from school to let me know he didn’t like what I put in his lunch.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 21, 2020
Today from 9 to 10 AM we are having an all-hands family seminar on how to replace an empty toilet paper roll.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 21, 2020
My toddler demanded shorts and now he's crying that they are broken because they don't cover his legs
— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) May 17, 2020
Have kids so that you can see your dogs running around your house wearing your only clean bras.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) May 18, 2020
Me: Oh, I’m sorry. Is the sacrifice I made for 9 months not enough? Sharing my body and nourishing a child twice didn’t prove my level of unselfishness? Why must I constantly give and give and-
Husband: JUST LEAVE THE LAST TWO WAFFLES FOR THE KIDS YOU’VE ALREADY HAD 8
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) May 21, 2020
My 4yo used the phrase “a long time ago today” to describe the morning and it’s probably the most accurate description I’ve ever heard.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 17, 2020
Welcome to parenting. Here is your collection of markers that have run out of ink, which you will inexplicably hold onto for a minimum of 2 years.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 21, 2020
I’m urgently looking for a parenting book that has a chapter on how to peel an orange correctly for a 3 year old. It’s life or death.
— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) May 21, 2020
Me: *Sitting quietly at dinner table as one kid screams/has tantrum while other kid eats as slowly as effing possible because she’s about that life.
Apple Watch: ⛑“Your heart rate rose above 120 BPM while you seemed to be inactive for 10 minutes.”⛑
I’m not gonna make it.
— The Brooklyn Archer, Allegedly (@elonjames) May 17, 2020
My toddler‘s playing this game in the bath where he flings his washcloth around it’s called “fuck you dad”
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) May 19, 2020
No one mentioned parenthood would include so many skipped meals but zero weight loss.
— Possum Kingdom (@aissalanis) May 20, 2020
Show me a mom who says she’s never thrown a towel over pee on the bed in the middle of the night and I’ll show you a damn liar.
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) May 19, 2020
parenting makes you do weird things like hate the daylight for waking your kids and preventing them from going to bed
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) May 21, 2020
I only let my kids cheat at board games if it ends the game faster.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) May 21, 2020
I've decided to forgive everyone who calls their dog their "child" in order to make mental space to hate on people who call themselves "plant parents"
— The Dad (@thedad) May 18, 2020
I just wanted five minutes to drink my coffee so I sent my kid in the other room to look for a toy that’s in my pocket.
Follow me for more parenting hacks.
— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) May 20, 2020
8-year-old: Hey Google, what day is it?
Me: It's sad that you have to ask.
8: Then you tell me.
Me: Let's see what Google says.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2020
🎵 I believe the children are our future
Me: oh yes
🎵 Teach them well
Me: oh no
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) May 19, 2020
“That’s it! I’m done!” I yell at my family as I continue to do absolutely everything for them, every day for the next 70 years.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) May 20, 2020
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This article originally appeared on HuffPost.