The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week
Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Me: What should you do if you see smoke?
6-year-old: Ask what you're cooking.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 24, 2019
Took my kids out to dinner because apparently I forgot my kids love fighting with each other more than eating.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 25, 2019
Dads love saying "Can't get very far without these" when they come right back in the house after forgetting their car keys
— The Dad (@thedad) April 24, 2019
You think you’re going to have a pretty normal day and then your 5-year-old announces she only walks backwards now.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 20, 2019
Why is it called bribing your child and not kid pro quo?
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 22, 2019
At some point, you will reach a "Driving to pick up your kids from practice barefoot" level of parenting.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) April 25, 2019
My kids ate 1 million grams of sugar yesterday. Shout out to all the teachers today. Godspeed.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 22, 2019
As long as you sing to the tune of "You Are my Sunshine," you can literally say anything you want to a baby. I just vented all my frustrations and she still fell asleep. Best therapy ever.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) April 23, 2019
I need to hide the teen’s birthday present where he’ll never find it so I’m thinking behind the vacuum cleaner will be perfect.
— Just J (@junejuly12) April 22, 2019
Hey parents, remember sleeping in? That shit was wild, right.
— Karlie Hustle (@THEkarliehustle) April 24, 2019
My kid’s soccer roster looks less like a group of 8 year olds and more like a band of dwarves in Lord of the Rings.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 24, 2019
Pasta is just an elaborate delivery mechanism for my kids to eat a pound of Parmesan cheese
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 24, 2019
Thoughts & prayers requested for my 6y.o, who experienced the devastation of drawing the cupcake card in Candyland that sends him back to start.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) April 25, 2019
Lady on the phone: it sounds like you’re in the car. Should I call at a better time?
Me: are you kidding? My kids are strapped in. This is the ONLY time to call.— Celeste Yvonne (@andwhatamom) April 23, 2019
Doing dishes:
Horrible drudgery of a job that has no end.
Doing dishes as a parent:
I will gladly scrape, wash and polish each dish until it shines with the light of a million suns if it means a break from managing this TEEMING HIVE of MISCHIEF-FERRETS!!— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) April 25, 2019
Welcome to parenthood: Matching socks are a thing of the past now.
— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) April 23, 2019
KIDDO: I love ketchup. It tastes like tasty blood.
ME: ... pic.twitter.com/EUUZzHGL1U— JΛCQUΞS (@jnyemb) April 22, 2019
90% of a toddler's teeth-brushing process involves falling off a stool.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) April 25, 2019
It took my toddler so long to pick a spoon for dinner, she forgot what she was doing, I forgot what I was doing, and we just stood there staring at each other until she left.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 26, 2019
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