This Is What Dating Is Like During The Coronavirus Pandemic
Before stay-at-home orders became widespread across the country, Kaitlyn McQuin, a 28-year-old comedian from New Orleans, was still dodging date requests on dating apps.
“Their openers would be like, ‘Hey, want to get coffee/drinks?’ and I was like...no,” McQuin told HuffPost. “It was shocking, with social distancing.”
McQuin jumped on Twitter to share her thoughts about how dating might begin to change in a tweet that’s since gone viral.
You know who’s really gonna suffer during this social distancing?
Dudes on dating apps
Welcome back to courtship, Brad. Welcome back to talking to a gal for WEEKS prior to meeting.
We’re pen pals now, my dude.
We bout to get Jane Austen up in here.
Now, write me a poem.— Kaitlyn McQuin (@kaitlynmcquin) March 15, 2020
Jokes aside, the comedian really does hope our current global pandemic leads to some great love letters. (Or hey, at least some horny John Donne-esque poems.)
McQuin is one of many singles navigating the brave new world of dating during the COVID-19 crisis.
These days, first dates are eerily similar to pod-style dating on “Love Is Blind” (but at least you can see your Hinge match with FaceTime). Dating profiles are full of quips about toilet paper. And burgeoning relationships are being tested by self-distancing orders. (But then again, so are long-term ones. Have you tried self-quarantining with your significant other?)
Given all the changes, who’s to say love letters ― the kind your grandfather used to send to your grandma while stationed overseas ― won’t come back into vogue?
“The one thing I can think of it being like is during the two world wars, actually,” said Terri Orbuch, author of “Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship” and a professor at Oakland University in Michigan.
“Back then, relationships progressed and developed without [couples] ever seeing each other,” she said. “And they weren’t even able to text or call each other like we can now.”
It’s a hard time to be a single. It sucks to have no opportunity to meet other singles in person while much of the rest of the world is hunkering down with loved ones. Kevin Lewis, associate professor of sociology at the University of California, San Diego
Bumble, Hinge and other dating apps are actively encouraging their users to make their dates virtual and not meet up in person, and users seem to be taking their advice.
According to data supplied to HuffPost from the Bumble, the app has seen a 21% increase in video call usage over the past week and a 21% increase in messages sent. The average video call or phone call time is 14 minutes, which is pretty impressive, given that these are essentially cold calls between perfect strangers.
The cities most affected by coronavirus are messaging the most, with a 21% increase in messages sent in Seattle, a 23% increase in New York City, and a 26% increase in San Francisco.
The inclination to hop onto dating apps doesn’t surprise Kevin Lewis, an associate professor of sociology at the University of California, San Diego, who’s studied online dating.
“It’s a hard time to be a single,” he said. “It sucks to have no opportunity to meet other singles in person while much of the rest of the world is hunkering down with loved ones.”
This situation forces people to communicate more digitally before meeting in person than they would normally, which could have a mixed effect on post-quarantine bonds, Lewis said. You may vibe over DMs but feel no physical sparks when you meet IRL.
“But hey, at least this makes people feel less isolated for the moment,” Lewis said.
Dating without the possibility of going on an actual date in the near future has actually been a breath of fresh air for some.
Shyla Watson, a 26-year-old associate editor at BuzzFeed in Los Angeles, admits she’s guilty of not putting herself out there. Because of the coronavirus, she’s talking to guys without having to worry about going on any real first dates anytime soon.
“If I’m being honest, I actually think that our new circumstances have made me a little bit braver and more comfortable with dating apps,” she told HuffPost. “I actually didn’t download Tinder until my first or second day of quarantine.”
“I’m usually very hesitant to meet people in person unless we’ve been talking for a while, but now, literally not being allowed to go out has removed all the risk,” she said.
With so much attention put on an intellectual connection, Watson figures she and her matches have a chance to truly get to know each other ― and hopefully, establish real connections that’ll last after the stay-at-home orders are lifted.
Coronavirus has also helped some singles weed out people who weren’t relationship material. Meghan Adams, a 23-year-old environmental engineer in Chicago, said she’s come across far too many guys who aren’t taking the pandemic seriously.
For instance, this undeterred world traveler:
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“Things like that have been frustrating, but it’s telling about their willingness to follow the rules,” said Adams, who’s also tweeted about her COVID-19 online dating experiences.
dating during the coronavirus? HAH I DONT THINK SO IM NOT DYING BECAUSE OF SOME CHAD WHO ONLY LOVES FISH AND THE OFFICE
— meg-Han Solo (@red10meg) March 14, 2020
Once past the “swipe right” or “like” stage, Adams said COVID-19 is pretty much all she and her matches talk about at first.
“All of the conversations I’ve been having over the past two weeks have started with things like ‘How are you doing in the quarantine?’ or ‘What are you doing to keep yourself busy lately?’” she said. “It’s been a good way to learn about guys’ hobbies and personality types.”
Indeed, COVID-19 has fueled some highly entertaining conversations. Take, for instance, this one sent to HuffPost from a single woman in Los Angeles:
Ah, nothing like Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis drilling a deep shaft into an asteroid to get you all hot and bothered.
Online dating profiles have also been edited accordingly.
Hinge has a prompt that says, “You should *not* go out with me if...”
McQuin changed her answer to: “Hand-washing wasn’t a part of your daily routine prior to coronavirus.”
Watson has left her Hinge profile as is, but she did make some quarantine quips on Tinder.
“Currently my profile says: ‘Looking for a corona bae: Together we could quarantine and chill, stay six feet apart, and wash our hands a lot.’”
The most popular tagline in the days of COVID-19 (besides “I have toilet paper”)? “Let me take you out before corona does.” Romantic!
Of course, the pandemic has tossed some cold water on burgeoning relationships, too.
Michelle Elman, a 26-year-old life coach from London, started seeing someone new a week before social distancing began in the U.K. She’s been quarantined for 14 days; without in-person dates, she’s starting to feel like she’s in a long-distance relationship.
“The conversations have definitely kept my mind off my illness at the moment and it’s a great distraction, but it’s also frustrating because without seeing each other, it will probably result in it fizzling out eventually,” she said.
Andrew Cassidy, an insight researcher from London, had just gotten back into the dating scene in January. He’d met a cute guy and the two planned several theater dates. They even managed to nab some highly sought-after “Dear Evan Hansen” tickets.
“Of course, then they suspended production ― cue dramatic crying,” Cassidy joked.
Me: I’ll give dating another go
Me: plans a lot of cute dates with man over the next couple of months
Coronavirus: pic.twitter.com/TmO9m8b6Bt— Cassididdly 🏳️🌈 (@_ACasso) March 19, 2020
“So now, we’re currently describing ourselves as ‘casually dating,’” he said. “The guy is currently in self-isolation after a housemate showed symptoms, and I’m headed back up to Newcastle to avoid being stuck in London during a lockdown, so it’s a lot of not knowing when I’ll be able to see him again.”
Cassidy and his love interest went on their first FaceTime date this week, sharing dinner and drinks over the screen. It was lovely, he said, with the exception of one thing.
“I’m usually someone who likes to try whatever food my date is having, so having two separate meals with no chance to steal whatever they’re eating was probably the hardest part about this whole thing,” he said.
“We’re getting used to it,” he said. “We miss the whole holding hands aspect of it, but it’ll just make it all the more exciting when the lockdown is lifted!”
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When a 22-year-old talks about how they’re going to be alone forever because dating is hard, I break out in hives.
— BOO-is Frightsman (@LouisPeitzman) September 9, 2019
One time on a first date I yawned and the guy stuck his fingers in my mouth. I was like “wtf” and he said he used to do it to his ex. I didn’t know her but I understood her decision to leave him
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@SJSchauer) November 12, 2018
[on a first date]
do you got any games on your phone— everett byram (@rad_milk) October 17, 2019
Don’t think of it as dating ladies think of it as creating a lifelong audience for your Instagram story
— Amanda Mull (@amandamull) March 24, 2019
Told a boy I fancied him last night and he said ‘let’s just nip that in the bud’ patted my back and walked away
— joy (@theothrjoy) July 27, 2019
After exchanging numbers with a new guy on Hinge, I noticed my phone already had his number saved as a guy from Bumble, and now I feel like a Westworld robot realizing they’ve tried the same escape 100+ times before
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) October 23, 2019
You ever check your tinder matches from last night and think.. maybe I drank a little too much? 😬
— Nate Hill (@NateHillTV) June 10, 2019
I often think about the tinder date that told me they don't "believe in medicine"
— Charlie Haynes (@charliehtweets) October 31, 2019
When the dating app profile lists his politics as “moderate” pic.twitter.com/8ZN1AzN50d
— Jackson McHenry (@McHenryJD) March 29, 2019
So I had a wedding in my Calendar for this Saturday and I was very stressed out because I didn’t know whose it was and I was afraid I was going to miss it. Then I realized that it was part of my 20 year plan and I set it like 5 years ago. It’s my wedding, I’m missing my wedding.
— Troy (@thunt59) August 15, 2018
Guys on dating apps:
Moms love me 🤷🏻♂️ haha.
Your mom is gonna love me.
I’m gonna love your mom.
Your mom and I are in love.
We’re getting married.— Nick Lehmann (@NickStopTalking) October 3, 2019
I was looking up old Barbies on eBay, and all the Kens look like shitty Tinder dudes who got turned into dolls by a witch. pic.twitter.com/GXOXHtGkrI
— Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) March 6, 2019
Dating in your 30s is just two people telling each other stories about how they used to be fun.
— Sarah (@thetigersez) February 12, 2018
what’s the pettiest reason you’ve ever swiped left on someone? once after a few wines and a bad day at work I saw a guy on Hinge whose profile said that even if money was no object he’d still do his current job and i was like FUCK YOU BRO. SWIPING LEFT. FUCK OFF. JOB LOVING FUCK
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) February 10, 2019
A joker-style villain origin story, but it's a girl who goes crazy after dating a standup comedian
— No Dana only Zuul (@DanaSchwartzzz) October 9, 2019
Happy Halloween to the single girl who dressed up as “Ghosted” or “Bread Crumbing” or any other sad dating thing to show they’re totally ok and not hung up on anything that happened with Greg a couple weeks ago.
— Jared Freid (@jtrain56) October 31, 2019
A tip for all the young straight guys out there: If you're on a first date and she hasn't heard of your favorite band, the best thing you can do is start from the beginning of their discography and describe every one of their albums in detail, as well as all their influences.
— Jesse Singal (@jessesingal) September 3, 2018
I’m sorry but if you are dating my crush you need to have easily accessible pictures of you online so I can compare myself to you IN A HEALTHY WAY.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) October 24, 2019
Dating in your 30s seems awful but what’s the alternative? Getting married in your 20s? This is a lose lose situation
— cassandra (@jungIered) December 8, 2018
“Hey. Glad that we matched”
[2 days later]
“Hey, same! how’re u”
[4 days later]
“Good. You?”
[a week later]
“Good too. Been busy. How’re you?”
[8 months later]
“Hey again! It’s me. I’m single again”
pic.twitter.com/GEVco4Gkmv— Draculan 🧛♂️ Cashin (@Tweet_Dec) August 20, 2019
Dating in your 20s: He's mysterious.
Dating in your 30s: He's an alcoholic.— Lauren Vino (@LaurenVino) June 12, 2019
- This girl tweeted "no guy would be interested in me"
I DMed her, I'm interested
She deleted the tweet, and posted "no good looking guy would be interested in me"pic.twitter.com/DB47g59QAX— a²zeez (@sh4hnoor) July 19, 2019
Dating apps are dumb. I miss the good ol’ days when you’d send a horse-drawn carriage for a suitor and by the time they arrived, you'd died of the flu
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) September 14, 2019
HOW AM I SINGLE WHEN DUDES ARE OUT HERE MARRYING NOT EVEN REAL PEOPLE?!?!?
Brb I’m going to jump off a cliff. https://t.co/31NlbamZgu— nicole byer (@nicolebyer) November 18, 2018
Dating in your 20s: wink, wink, bla, bla, smooch, smooch, love.
Dating in your 30s: My love language is acts of service, I'm a saggitarius & I'm too busy to speak to you for the next 6 days.— Kerry Contrary (@Kerry_Contrary) March 20, 2019
When you’re on a first date and go to reference something about him you only know through an Instagram post from last year pic.twitter.com/2HusocHRup
— Sean (@seanbgoneill) April 23, 2019
On a first date, PLEASE find a way to say your own name in conversation several times (I have probably forgotten it)
— Ginny Hogan (@ginnyhogan_) June 17, 2019
A Dating App only for introverts where they talk awkwardly, it's called Mumble!!!
— sumaira shaikh (@sumairashaik) October 31, 2019
Fave dating app = Ouija board
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) October 30, 2019
Best part of being single is u can stay up late reading about escalator fatalities on Wikipedia with your phone's brightness all the way up
— Greg Sprinkles (@GraceSpelman) June 9, 2017
It is unnecessary for a guy on a dating app to specify that he's only in town for a few days, that is more than enough time for me to ruin your life
— Hanna Dickinson (@hansdickie) September 19, 2019
I’ve found it, the worst tinder bio pic.twitter.com/phguX5qE8P
— Abby Tomlinson (@twcuddleston) August 5, 2019
This article originally appeared on HuffPost.