45 Hilarious Tweets About Going To The Dentist

I have a dentist appointment first thing tomorrow morning.

If you need me, I'll be cramming six months worth of flossing into one night.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 20, 2017

My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?

— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) August 8, 2013

Invention idea: A dentist drill that sounds like a lovely, melodious harp.

— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) January 5, 2017

DENTAL HYGIENIST: your teeth and gums are moments from death. Quit your job so you can floss 16 times an hour. I hate you!
DENTIST: looks good!

— Luke Mones (@LukeMones) October 23, 2018

I don't make dentist appointments, I make nitrous oxide appointments.

— ShotofCherye (@CheryeDavis) February 6, 2014

Every time my dentist is kind enough to tell me I need to floss, I am kind enough to tell him that he needs to trim his nostril hairs.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) August 26, 2014

Dentist: ok open up

"Well I guess it all started when my dad left..."

Dentist: no I mean-

Assistant: wait bill...let him finish

— paperwash© (@PaperWash) June 4, 2015

Going to the dentist is a great way to remind yourself what a coward you are.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) February 14, 2012

I get the same feeling at the dentist that I get when a cop car is behind me; I haven't done anything wrong, but I feel incredibly guilty.

— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) September 30, 2014

Jaws wide open, gums & teeth exposed, the last thing you want is a good-looking dentist! #iForgotToFloss

— Pattie Mallette (@pattiemallette) June 8, 2013

To sound important, when my dentist books my appointment 6 months away and asks, "Does 10am work?", I say,"Ugh, busy. How about 2?".

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) February 28, 2013

When my kids assure me they will clean up their mess, I know how my dentist must feel when I assure him I will floss.

— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) June 19, 2017

The day you have a dentist appointment really makes you appreciate all the other days you didn't have a dentist appointment.

— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) October 26, 2015

Dentist numbed my mouth this morning. Turns out I'd rather dribble coffee all over my chest than wait 1 more hour to drink coffee.

— Laurie Kilmartin (@anylaurie16) January 10, 2015

MY DENTIST ASKED HIS ASSISTANT TO SUCTION (THE WATER OUT OF MY MOUTH)BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS TALKING TO ME SO I SUCKED HIS FINGER. IM MORTIFIED

— Sarah Lyons (@sarbeaaaar) January 3, 2017

*tries to quietly unwrap a tootsie roll during a dental cleaning*

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 4, 2017

Dentist: (cleaning my teeth) Do you floss every day?

Me: (gargling on blood) Yes, why?

— Carbosly (@Carbosly) July 18, 2018

[dentist chair]
how's school?
*I start talking, dentist notices his hand isn't in my mouth*
oh sorry
*puts hand in my mouth*
how's school?

— ann (@omically) February 25, 2015

my dentist hates when i call him a face gynecologist

— kim new years (@KimmyMonte) August 20, 2018

Dentist: I'm going to take your tooth out

Me: Ok then

[later that evening]

Dentist: Well this is nice

My tooth: I'm having a lovely time

— AnOnion (@onion_an) June 10, 2015

[at dentist]
"Are you remembering to floss?"

Oh ya, Dr, totally.

"...u sure?"

Yup.

"Cuz it looks like-"

I REMEMBER, I JUST DON'T DO IT.

— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) July 13, 2015

Flossing the day of a dentist appointment feels a lot like cramming for a history test you didn't study for but with more blood.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 31, 2015

I'm glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.

— ShotofCherye (@CheryeDavis) January 14, 2014

Dentist: *asks me a complex question about my life*

Me: Well-

Dentist: *shoves his hand inside my mouth*

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 3, 2016

I've never been caught cheating on a test, but I did just run into my dentist at the mall while eating cotton candy.

— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) December 7, 2017

Dentist: Do you grind your teeth?
Me: Yes, I have a child.

— A Very TheAlexNevil Christmas (@TheAlexNevil) October 19, 2017

Me: what should I do?

Dentist: stop eating sugar, drinking coffee and wine, cut back on stress..

Me: right but like realistically

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 8, 2017

[At Dentist]
Dentist: When was the last time you flossed?
Me: When was my last appointment?
Dentist: 8 months ago
Me: 8 months & one day ago

— ☃️❄️🎄Tim🎄❄️☃️ (@Playing_Dad) October 23, 2017

Schedule your dentist appointment early in the month so you can do the hidden picture in the Highlights magazine before some kid ruins it.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 4, 2017

My dentist gives you a cookie at the end of each visit. A delicious, sugar-filled, cavity causing cookie. I see how this works now.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) January 19, 2018

Why are dentist offices always playing home improvement shows on their tvs? Do they just want the sound of drills to be filling the air?

— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) December 27, 2017

Someday, I'd like to meet my dentist's kids. My teeth paid for their college. I'm part of the family, really.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) October 12, 2015

dentist: now you're gonna feel a little pinch
little kid: okay
*dentist pinches him*
dentist: that's for not flossing, you little shit

— strongest living baby (@hippieswordfish) March 1, 2015

COP: Know why I pulled you over?

ME: Because I didn't floss?

DENTIST: *rips off cop mask* I gotcha now, you son of a-

— Floyd (@dafloydsta) November 30, 2016

At what point does the dentist stop giving you toothbrushes? Dude, I'm forty. I have one.

— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) June 19, 2013

Turns out my dentist is not giving me a plaque for great teeth after all. He really hurt my fillings.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) April 6, 2017

My dentist sent me a reminder postcard

And a reminder email

And a reminder text

If he shows up outside my window with a boombox, I'm out

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 12, 2017

DENTIST: "Now lie back and open your mouth"
ME: "Please stop flirting with me."

— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) April 13, 2015

Eating candy in the dentist's waiting room because I'm a bad ass.

— Stacey (@skittle624) September 27, 2017

"Does anyone know why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony?"

[dentist yells from back] SHE'S NEVER FLOSSED

— Floyd (@dafloydsta) November 20, 2015

Dentist: "It looks like you've ground these two teeth down. Why?"
Me: "I've had to open thousands of McDonald's ketchup packets this year."

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) September 2, 2015

My four year old spends the entire 6 month period between teeth cleanings standing in the dentist's office trying to choose a toothbrush.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 8, 2016

[sits in dentist chair]
Just give me whatever made that kid scream "IS THIS REAL LIFE"

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) May 31, 2017

I like to sit in random dentist offices & start sobbing uncontrollably when a kid comes in

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) October 29, 2011

*gives picture of a great white shark to dentist*
"Yes I want a smile like that please"

— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) June 1, 2015