45 Funny Tweets About Screen Time From Parents Who Are Honest About It

Pediatrician: They're only getting two hours of screen time a day, right?

Me: HAHAHAHA! I mean, yes.

— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) May 5, 2017

Sure, I could parent without screen time. I could also churn my own butter, but let's not get crazy here.

— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) July 3, 2017

Me, to all my kids before the age of 2.

"No screens allowed."

On their 2nd birthday, handing over iPad.

"This is your mother now."

— Ashnog ⚪️ (@adult_mom) October 23, 2015

School: We're hosting a book fair to encourage more reading/less screen time
Me: What book did you pick?
7: Super Mario Skill Book
Me: Right

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 25, 2017

My kids made cardboard computers: I'm glad they're so imaginative and equally disturbed that even their creative play involves screen time.

— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) April 21, 2017

Me: No screen time. Three is too young.

Me on an airplane: More. Plug him in. Yes hi flight attendant, do these seats come with a Matrix neck-jack

— Dave Learns Dadding (@DaveLearnsToDad) December 10, 2018

Took my son to the eye doctor & was asked “how much screen time do you allow?”

Liar level: EXPERT

— 🎄Sarcastic Mommy🎄 (@sarcasticmommy4) October 9, 2018

I am trying to limit my kids' screen time, which is why today we're going to a movie.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) August 14, 2018

The cat keeps stepping on the surge protector switch and shutting off the television.

My cat is better at enforcing screen time limits than I am.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 29, 2018

You don't let your kids have screen time? That's cool. Tell me some other ways you enjoy punishing yourself.

— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) February 10, 2017

I can give Holden screen time and listen to Caillou whining. Or I can say no screen time and listen to Holden whining. #parenting

— Baby Sideburns (@BabySideburns) October 11, 2017

Daytime parenting: strict screen time limits. 1hr only. Child must earn it.

5am parenting (hands 4yo iPad): take this so I can sleep.

— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) August 22, 2018

“No iPad. You guys have had plenty of screen time today!” she shouts, without looking up from her phone.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) August 29, 2018

"Well, if you don't, I'll take away your screen time."

- my family motto

— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) January 10, 2017

I'm at my most hypocritical when telling my kids they've had enough screen time

— The Dad (@thedad) August 18, 2018

Spend a few weeks with your kids making and distributing slime all over your house and you'll think, "screen time isn't so bad."

— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) April 12, 2017

What does it mean that every time I ask my daughter what the best part of her day was, she says “screen time”?

— Rachel Simmons (@RachelJSimmons) May 18, 2016

Yeah, I could restrict my kids' screen time, sure, but I just don't want to be the kind of parent who *limits* her children, ya know? Right, yeah, I want them to feel limitless, that's all...

— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) June 29, 2018

What I say to my son: "Get dressed."
His interpretation: "Stand around naked watching television with one sock on."

— Sarah del Rio (@sarahdelri0) February 3, 2015

Are we all done pretending we try to limit screen time?

— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) September 22, 2016

Parenting today: Screen time that rots their brains or playtime that rots your house.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 31, 2017

Me (taking away Ipad): "Too much screen time makes people stupid."

5yo: "Four plus four is eight!"

— Kathy Cooperman (@Kathy_Cooperman) December 22, 2016

Random dad: Do you limit your kids' screen time?

Me: I gave up.

Him: Why?

Me: It increased their scream time.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 9, 2016

According to my kids, their friends were all birthed into a golden land of endless dessert fields and flowing rivers of screen time.

— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) October 4, 2016

Me: (limits screen time)

[5 minutes later]

6: (gets a concussion)
Me: That’s it! Everyone back on their tablets!

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 10, 2018

Doctor: How much screen time does your child get every day?

Me: Hmmm let's see, he sleeps for about 8 hours, so that leaves...

— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) August 14, 2018

Ah, morning: the sun is shining, the coffee's brewing, and your kids’ screen time for the day is still fresh enough that you haven’t started to feel guilty about it yet.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 12, 2018

1st kid: No screen time except one hour of sesame street.
By the 3rd kid: Let's schedule in some eye contact time with mom tonight ok?

— Meredith (@PerfectPending) March 29, 2016

I don't want to alarm anyone but I've been told about a serious situation where someone got 4.2 seconds more screen time than their sibling.

— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) October 11, 2016

If humans do eventually merge with computers, one positive is that parents will no longer have to pretend like they maintain screen time limits for their kids

— Andrew Knott (@aknott21) July 16, 2018

The most effective way I've found to limit screen time is to be too poor to afford cable or WiFi.

— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) August 29, 2017

Screen time report: My kids are watching increasingly insane and off-tune covers of "I Will Always Love You" on Youtube.

— Emily Nussbaum (@emilynussbaum) June 15, 2018

Me, to other parents: We try to limit screentime to two hours a day at most.

Me, to my toddler: Here’s my Netflix password, don’t wake me before noon.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 12, 2018

“Of course I limit screen time.” I say, turning off the television while my children continue to use their tablets.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) May 15, 2018

Oh yes plz parents of only 1 kid who is 3 months old, tell me more about the dangers of screen time, ur so superior and I await ur priceless knowledge and hard-won wisdom on this topic

— Valerie 🎄🤶🏻 (@ValeeGrrl) April 21, 2018

School's almost out for summer. Gotta get my screen time plan and chore schedule in place and ready to be abandoned midway through week 2.

— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) May 18, 2017

Minimizing Your Kids' Screen Time While Maximizing Yours - a modern parenting handbook

— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 2, 2017

1. When I told my kid no more screen time she started “watching” her dollhouse TV
2. She says the show on that TV is called “We Sing But We’re Cats” pic.twitter.com/SNAJVb0Fx7

— Molly Jolly Erdman (@erdmanmolly) December 27, 2017

Are my kids getting too much screen time? I’m not sure because I’ve been playing on my cell phone since 2007.

— Court (@Discourt) February 16, 2017

“No, you can’t watch TV right now because too much screen time is bad for you,” I explain to my kids while browsing social media.

— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) April 12, 2018

Which magical screenless device did you use to write that 50 page blog entry about the dangers of screen time?

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 22, 2014

"That's enough screen time!" I yell, like I didn't lie around watching MTV through the entirety of the 1990s.

— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) January 28, 2018

They say too much screentime is bad but my 3yo speaks like 10 different languages now.

— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) February 20, 2018

Punished the kids* by taking away screen time.

*myself

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) December 1, 2016

People who say we should limit screen time for our kids, what if you're just holding back evolution?

— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) January 5, 2017