43 Hilarious Tweets That Sum Up Shopping At Whole Foods

It's West Side Story in the Whole Foods parking lot as two dads in cargo shorts fight over a parking spot, brandishing Audi flip keys like switchblades.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 21, 2018

OH on Whole Foods checkout line, woman yelling at husband: "Does it spark joy?! Does. It. Spark. Joy?! No it doesn't."

— Erin Biba (@erinbiba) February 5, 2019

Just told a guy who cut me off in the Whole Foods parking lot to eat a bag of dicks but then thought better of it and added THEY'RE ORGANIC

— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) March 10, 2015

This woman at Whole Foods is choosing a bundle of asparagus more carefully than I chose my husband.

— shauna (@goldengateblond) November 20, 2014

*lowers sunglasses

I'm here for a good time not a long time, ma'am... and also this thyme.

*holding up the line at Whole Foods

— JEFF WILD (@jiffywild) April 13, 2018

I just used Trader Joe’s bags at Whole Foods 365 and only apologized to the cashier ONCE pic.twitter.com/ASAjEQgS2m

— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) February 6, 2018

i just remembered the time i was at Whole Foods and a girl took a “broken, do not use” sign off the door a took a selfie with it over her heart and then dropped the sign and walked directly into the broken doors

— elijah daniel (@elijahdaniel) February 16, 2019

Amazon is buying Whole Foods for 13.7 billion dollars. And that's just the price of the apples!

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 16, 2017

Me: do you sell half roast chickens?
Whole Foods cashier: yes
Me: well what the fuck

— David Hughes (@david8hughes) August 26, 2018

If all the gluten-free vegan yoga weirdo customers at Whole Foods are so healthy, then why are they so fucking angry?

— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) March 20, 2015

carry yourself with the confidence of a white dude with 16 items in his cart while standing in the "10 items of less" line at Whole Foods

— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) January 18, 2019

We bought condensed milk at Whole Foods and it looks like the fake food that my kid has in his play kitchen. 😂 pic.twitter.com/ta7718Q7qb

— Celeste Ng (@pronounced_ing) November 21, 2018

I'm wandering around Whole Foods like tom hanks in The Terminal

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) March 10, 2015

impossible to express how calm i become upon entering a whole foods

— Catherine Cohen (@catccohen) February 21, 2019

going to cash in my 401k so I can start shopping at Whole Foods

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) November 2, 2012

"In which aisle can I find the nunchucks?"
"Ma'am, this is a Whole Foods"
"Sorry, in which aisle can I find the gluten free nunchucks?"

— dream ghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) January 16, 2015

I just went to Whole Foods and asked for a rec for a good cheddar for mac and cheese, and the employee directed me to a $42.16 block of cheddar. I'm trying to figure out whom I should sue.

— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) November 18, 2018

robbers stole $60,000 from a NYC Whole Foods. police don't know if the bag of apples and loaf of bread will ever be recovered.

— lawblob (@lawblob) October 22, 2013

just saw a whole foods commercial where the customer calls the butcher a “meat santa” everything is shit go hug your kids before it’s too late.

— kim beans (@KimmyMonte) December 5, 2018

lol why r u trolling me whole foods pic.twitter.com/5cpsCDRMj2

— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) July 30, 2018

Omg so embarrassing. So I go shopping at Whole Foods and get all the way to the register only to realize I forgot I don't have a trust fund.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 23, 2016

IS THIS A GAY BAR? DID YOU BRING ME TO A GAY BAR, SON?

This is whole foods, Dad.

— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) February 7, 2015

I'd trade it all in for the balls-out confidence of the 7-year-old screaming "NO I NEED RANCH DRESSING" at the Whole Foods sandwich counter.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) August 25, 2014

Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.

— Mikey (@KrunkedRobot) January 21, 2016

THE WORST: I just spent $30 on apples at Whole Foods and then dropped both of them!

— Megan Amram (@meganamram) February 21, 2012

{whole foods}

ME [screaming, hysterically breaking jars of pickle spears]: THESE FOODS AREN'T WHOLE!

— rachelle mandik 🎈 (@rachelle_mandik) September 24, 2015

For 150 bucks, you can either buy some veggies and a bottle of wine at Whole Foods or furnish an entire city at IKEA.

— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) June 28, 2014

It's impossible for me to get into Whole Foods because of COURSE I care about the whales where do I sign?

— Kristen Bell (@IMKristenBell) August 28, 2015

Amazing - overheard at Whole Foods. "Um, I need to read the numbers on the barcode aloud to you. I don't want any lasers touching my food."

— Lauren Dobson-Hughes (@ldobsonhughes) August 7, 2015

me, eating every. last. bit. of this oxidised guacamole i bought in whole foods because that shit was priced like it was saffron pic.twitter.com/qY6uyHnWwg

— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) May 14, 2018

I threw my kids' McDonald's trash away at a Whole Foods and 2 yoga models fainted, a hemp bro started crying and now they don't let any dads without reclaimed bamboo capris shop there anymore. 🙁

— Shane Nickerson (@shanenickerson) April 29, 2018

I just bought 1 lb of taboulé at Whole Foods and long story short I need to learn how to make taboulé.

— Laurie Kilmartin (@anylaurie16) October 23, 2018

I like to go to Whole Foods, put organic stickers on conventional produce, then sit back and watch the fireworks.

— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) September 29, 2014

I am now only coming to whole foods at 10:45pm. Running up and down aisles with gleeful freedom.

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) June 6, 2014

Bought gluten-free dairy-free organic raw vegan cookies at Whole Foods. They're just piles of coconut that keep rolling their eyes at me.

— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) July 28, 2014

"candy corn was a good idea but it's too colorful and fun" - Whole Foods pic.twitter.com/7OWFKZTJv2

— wikipedia brown, chiberian tiger (@eveewing) October 1, 2016

An authentic white noise machine would play the sound of people impatiently sighing while waiting in line at Whole Foods.

— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) February 12, 2013

Just saw a woman buying toilet paper at Whole Foods and man it must be wild to be that kind of rich

— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) December 9, 2018

1 more payment and we can pick up our fresh organic free range turkey from Whole Foods lay-away.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 17, 2018

Just saw a guy in a Bentley exit a Whole Foods with his stereo blasting "Fight the Power" & now I kinda hate white people.

— Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) August 20, 2012

'Whole Foods on a Sunday' should be it's own term to describe horrible, unspeakable things.

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) April 28, 2013

I'm the only woman in this Brentwood Whole Foods who can still move her forehead.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) January 6, 2017

Choosing between Trader Joe's and Whole Foods is white people's real Twilight.

— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) February 28, 2012