The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
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if anyone asks at this party, i’m in the bathroom. my bathroom. I left
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) December 6, 2018
I am eggnogstic as in eggnog is my lord and savior
— Ashnog ⚪️ (@adult_mom) December 6, 2018
If there isn’t a Mother’s Day Card that says, “Thank you for your cervix,” I don’t know what any of us are doing.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) December 4, 2018
remember when you were little and your aunt's xmas list was like "thick socks and a bag of nice coffee" and you were like, what a strange list wonder what her life is like maybe it's sad and then you got older and you realized she knew exactly how to live
— rachel syme (@rachsyme) December 6, 2018
Just said “stop being weird” out loud to myself but I’m not gonna
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) December 2, 2018
In the future everyone will be cancelled for fifteen minutes.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) December 7, 2018
My preferred amount of hot sauce is “enough that I regret it a little bit but not enough to let it stop me”
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) December 5, 2018
I have not been asked to host the oscars yet so at least they aren’t THAT desperate
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) December 7, 2018
My body: can I have wate-
Me: ICED LATTE COMIN UP— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) December 5, 2018
Had two drinks on an empty stomach. Take my text messages away
— roxane gay (@rgay) December 5, 2018
Holidays are great because websites produce all these articles like “gifts your best friend will love” and “affordable gifts for your mom this Christmas” and I get to see all this shit that I’m going to end up buying for myself!
— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) December 6, 2018
It Finally Happened: This Email Found Me Doing Well!
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) December 2, 2018
toddler: *throwing a violent tantrum*
me: pic.twitter.com/XafsJTFOax— kelly (@kelllicopter) December 5, 2018
Found out the show I'm going to tonight doesn't start until TEN P.M. and my entire spirit wilted out of my body
— Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) December 7, 2018
Being good at bubble letters used to be a marketable skill
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) December 5, 2018
everyone please keep me in your thoughts, i’m about to enter the first date montage portion of my rom com
— anna ho ho horges (@annabroges) December 4, 2018
My therapist: have you ever been to therapy before?
Me, in extreme Gwyneth Paltrow voice: you have this job because I’ve been to therapy before.— Kirsten King (@KirstenKing_) December 7, 2018
Beyoncé married the best rapper alive and turned him into her own personal hype man. Iconic.
— Penny (@DanaeLovesYou) December 3, 2018
when the waiter comes to your table to clear the plates but you’re still working on it pic.twitter.com/3tV3T9yoBB
— kim christmas (@KimmyMonte) December 6, 2018
My dog chewed the squeaker out of a toy and is carrying it around the house like the heart of a slain enemy.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) December 2, 2018
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This article originally appeared on HuffPost.