The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
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Looking forward to everyone's slutty Steve Bannon Halloween costumes.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) September 11, 2017
Just filed a piece called "So You've Been Caught Jerking Off" & so far 2 coworkers have said seeing that in their inbox caused them panic
— Erin 🎶Gloria🎶 Ryan (@morninggloria) September 12, 2017
My tub is so white it's requesting Despacito.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) September 12, 2017
If a friendship outlasts my HBO free trial then I know it's real
— Adrienne Airhart (@craydrienne) September 13, 2017
men are trash but I still need one to pay attention to me at all times
— farwz (@farwzz) September 11, 2017
the world would be a lot better if it had an editor
— Jen Doll (@thisisjendoll) September 13, 2017
U ever about to go so hard on some food you need a hair tie
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) September 13, 2017
Public transit: nature's immunity booster
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) September 13, 2017
Waiting for the beauty industry to invent the Jem earring, that allows you to remove your makeup, wig, and clothes instantly. pic.twitter.com/FeAqabtmXT
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) September 13, 2017
Pumpkin seeds are a nice, wholesome snack that you can throw onto anything: salads, spreads, oatmeal, soup, the floor
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 12, 2017
*googles treatment for stress*
most popular answer: eliminate stress
me: oh good. thanks.
— Erica (@SCbchbum) September 14, 2017
The Samsung Phones vs. iPhones debate is the new East Coast-West Coast beef.
— Awesomely Luvvie (@Luvvie) September 13, 2017
My 11 pound female cat just alpha-ed a 70 pound male pit bull off my couch with a single growl because she is my fucking daughter.
— (((OhNoSheTwitnt))) (@OhNoSheTwitnt) September 12, 2017
can't wait for the iPhone 12 to come out so I can afford the iPhone X
— Ziwe (@ziwe) September 12, 2017
A free tourist activity is to go to the Financial District during lunch rush, walk up to any guy in a suit, and say "I know about Katie."
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) September 14, 2017
Relative: You didn't register anywhere for your wedding, what do you wa-
— Cara Warnar (@careworn) September 13, 2017
I wish there were a specific ring you could wear that meant "I'm not married but I don't want men to talk to me"
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) September 14, 2017
i miss the days when i only knew about how Ted Cruz liked to filibust
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) September 12, 2017
A toddler is crying "it's not fair" while eating a cookie and I've never been so represented in my life
— Jennifer McAuliffe (@JenniferJokes) September 10, 2017
Me: *drunk on hammock*
Me: This boat ride is super fun.
— Sara (@sara_ashlynn) September 10, 2017
This article originally appeared on HuffPost.