15 Extremely Annoying Characters To Avoid At Your Next Holiday Party

Youyoung Lee
Updated
(Photo: )
(Photo: )

Just because every year we make the same terrible mistake, you don't have to. Behold, the worst offenders behind extremely annoying cocktail conversations, or who to avoid at your next holiday party.

1. The Anecdostage-Taker

This will display an animated GIF
This will display an animated GIF


When someone holds you hostage with an extremely long and boring anecdote. Examples: That crazy Saturday night when they took "molly" with a bunch of NYU kids at a Bushwick loft party; any Burning Man story.

2. The Geographer
"Where are you from?" "What's that close to?" "Do you know so-and-so?" Look, we have all come to live in our current locations by way of someplace else. Let's just avoid mapping out family trees within the first five minutes of getting to know each other.

3. The Person Who Asks A Question Only So They Can Answer The Question
These people slyly feign interest in someone else before using it as a gateway to start talking about themselves again. How to spot it: "Oh, you just got back from India?" "Yes!" "No, I know, that's amazing. I was just in Nepal last year and [proceeds to talk about unrelated Himalayas hike]..."

Love HuffPost? Become a founding member of HuffPost Plus today.

4. The Close Talker

This will display an animated GIF
This will display an animated GIF


This person doesn't know how to give personal space. Nor do they realize that the chips and salsa they keep stuffing their face with smell foul up close. Most shudderingly, for every step back you take, they take one step forward. Leave immediately.

5. The Deep Thinker
The person who ropes you in by asking needlessly philosophical questions. Unless you're at a church summit or 13 years-old, do not begin conversations with "do you believe in life after death" or "is there such a thing as true happiness," no matter how much you may want to.

6. The Shade-Thrower

This will display an animated GIF
This will display an animated GIF


Traditionally known for their few words but bold stares, this breed usually appears in the form of ex-boyfriend's girlfriends.

7. Touchy-Feely Talker
A cousin of the Close Talker, the Touchy-Feely Talker slaps you on your arm, shoulder, back or even butt. No.

8. Shifty Eyes
This person grazes the room with their eyes as they're talking to you, as if there is someone better to talk to. News alert: There is. Cut the conversation short and move on.

9. The Echo
The person who makes the same point you made five seconds ago, but then acts like they independently came up with the idea themselves.

10. Bitchface

This will display an animated GIF
This will display an animated GIF


The person in the room who doesn't do much other than scowl at everyone that walks past him/her. To quote Karl Lagerfeld, they are dangerous and probably want to hurt you.

11. The Know-It-All
There's always an insufferable know-it-all at a party, leading you to secretly Google-verify their claims in the bathroom. But do you confront them in public when they're wrong? Or do you let others continue living in oblivion? Which makes you a bigger asshole?

12. The Lawn Sprinkler
When someone has had too much champagne and starts dancing around with glass in hand, the liquid they spray into the air is similar to that of the Home Depot staple. And if they're drinking red wine, these are the worst offenders.

13. The Mirror Princess

This will display an animated GIF
This will display an animated GIF


Oh, is that a mirror on the wall behind you? Then forget about having a normal conversation with the Mirror Princess, who will spend the duration of your conversation admiring their reflection and over-pronouncing their words in this weird, theatrical kind of way, like you're at a party with dramaturges.

14. The Contrarian
The person who interrupts your story to contradict everything you say. Leave them by the eggnog with Shifty Eyes.

15. The Barney
This person repeatedly says "I love you!" and "omg you're so funny!" upon first meeting them. When you bump into them on the street a week later, they will completely ignore you.

Simon Cowell Doesn't Need Another Ego Boost

Oh, Honey, No.

In her defense, she's not the only one to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=camndOJGmSM" target="_hplink">conflate the two</a>.
In her defense, she's not the only one to conflate the two.

NSFW X-Mas Decor

For an extra dollar you can get that voyeuristic toy in the background.
For an extra dollar you can get that voyeuristic toy in the background.

But That's Worse Than Coal!

Maybe go with the jewelry.
Maybe go with the jewelry.

Charming Christmas Card

It's easy to forget sometimes that we don't have a monopoly on eccentric elected officials. Case in point: <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/12/jorge-santini-mayor-of-san-juan-strange-christmas-photo_n_1143265.html" target="_hplink">Mayor Jorge Santini of San Juan, Puerto Rico</a>, who went a little crazy with his official card one year by taking it at the city's Wildlife Museum. Leopards and gazelles and mayors, oh my!

Sleep In Heavenly Pee?

Bathroom lines must be out the door.
Bathroom lines must be out the door.

Dingle All The Way

Copyright infringement safely, if not unnecessarily, averted!
Copyright infringement safely, if not unnecessarily, averted!

Judgmental Christmas Lights

But what are the product disclaimers REALLY trying to tell us?
But what are the product disclaimers REALLY trying to tell us?

This Isn't Halloween

This guy took Christmas FAILS to the extreme and caused quite a scare among neighbors. No, not the guy hanging from the roof (that's a dummy), the guy who engineered this fake Christmas-light disaster only to be <a href="http://thehappyhospitalist.blogspot.com/2009/12/christmas-pranks-taken-to-unbelievable.html" target="_hplink">advised by police to take it down because it was freaking people out.</a>

Lazy Man's Christmas tree

Even smells the same!
Even smells the same!

Umm...

The giant, pooping elf you see to the left is actually a <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/20/weirdest-christmas-decoration_n_799227.html" target="_hplink">mega-sized version of a popular ornament called a Caganer</a> that's popular in Catalonia and other areas of Spain, Portugal and Italy.

Kids, Look Away

This is just wrong.
This is just wrong.

Lonely Couple Christmas Card

Baby Mac has his mother's eyes.
Baby Mac has his mother's eyes.

Not The Brightest Way To Advertise Underwear

Would it be more or less creepy if he were looking at Santa?
Would it be more or less creepy if he were looking at Santa?

"The Loneliest Ho In The World" For Kids

We have so many questions.
We have so many questions.

Floating Christmas Tree

Just when Christmas is perfect BAM! Here comes a devil-may-care bannister out to ruin it all. Nothing a little forceful decorating can't fix, however.
Just when Christmas is perfect BAM! Here comes a devil-may-care bannister out to ruin it all. Nothing a little forceful decorating can't fix, however.

Half-Man, Half-Christmas Tree

Only now does his self-described "inverted Christmas tree" beard truly make sense.
Only now does his self-described "inverted Christmas tree" beard truly make sense.

Flasher Santa

That's actually Santa's cousin Ralph Claus. He's the black sheep of the family.
That's actually Santa's cousin Ralph Claus. He's the black sheep of the family.

"It's Just What I Wanted!"

Some gifts are unfortunately perfect.
Some gifts are unfortunately perfect.

Not So Festive Stockings

A fun game is to think of other naughty things you could spell.
A fun game is to think of other naughty things you could spell.

These Candles Really Need Cherries Under Them

This feels like a first draft.
This feels like a first draft.

Just Throw Them Up There

Take that, neighbors who wasted hundreds of lights and hours of manpower creating dubstep-synced light displays.
Take that, neighbors who wasted hundreds of lights and hours of manpower creating dubstep-synced light displays.

Christmas Day, Like Thanksgiving, Changes Every Year

Will it be closed both days?
Will it be closed both days?

Santa Farting

We really hope he's just lighting that fire.
We really hope he's just lighting that fire.

If Santa Won't Give You What You Want...

Then you have to take it to the streets.
Then you have to take it to the streets.

Every Part Of The House Does Not Need To Be Festive

Manscape The Halls

There are some other less-desirable places on a dude's body where he could manscape a Christmas tree, so we're glad he chose this one.
There are some other less-desirable places on a dude's body where he could manscape a Christmas tree, so we're glad he chose this one.

A Festive Christmas Cake

Those eyes!
Those eyes!

Santa, Teach Me How To Write

What About Mrs. Claus?

Is she the Morton Salt girl all grown up?
Is she the Morton Salt girl all grown up?

Santa Candy Holder

At least, we think it's a candy holder.
At least, we think it's a candy holder.

Santa Sez What?

Some things are best left unsaid.
Some things are best left unsaid.

This article originally appeared on HuffPost.