Why Am I Never in the Mood for Sex Anymore?
Twice a month, Yahoo Health’s Hormone Whisperer Alisa Vitti, HHC, is answering the most common questions about hormones and how they relate to weight, sex, acne, bad moods, low energy, and everything in between. Read her introductory column to learn more about Alisa’s approach to stopping hormonal chaos and getting into hormonal flow.
THE QUESTION: Lately my libido has been MIA and I don’t know where it’s gone. I’m in my early 30s, so I feel like I’m way too young to lose my sex drive. Where did it go and how can I get it back?
ALISA’S ANSWER: Men often get all the credit (or flack) for being sex-obsessed, but here’s a little secret: Women want sex just as much as their male counterparts — or at least they should when things are working properly.
Sex is an amazing, integral part of womanhood, but because of the misinformation we’re fed about hormonal health, we women are often led to think that our lagging sex drive is a normal part of aging that we should expect and accept.
This logic couldn’t be more flawed: women are not meant to settle for celibacy once 30 hits (or 40, or ever if we take care of our hormonal health!). Your sex drive affects so much more than the time you spend in the bedroom; it impacts your vitality, fertility, creativity, and experience of a pleasure-filled, satisfying life. When we talk about libido, we’re not just talking about orgasms (although those are ultra-important as well). A healthy sex life and sex drive can have an overwhelmingly positive influence on your overall hormonal health, and it’s important you take back control as soon as possible to locate your missing libido.
Related: When Couples Have Mismatched Libidos: 19 Heart-Wrenching Confessions
The FLO Science: What Causes Low Libido?
Whether you’re in the midst of perimenopause or you’re years away from this kind of hormonal upheaval, your sex drive can go missing for a variety of reasons. There are so many factors driving premature hormonal aging today, that you could be in your 20s or early 30s and facing the same unpleasant issues women twice your age are dealing with. Unfortunately, because of the environment we live in and the way so many of us eat and live, nothing is 100 percent guaranteed to work seamlessly for everyone.
Having a low libido means you’re lacking the desire and interest for sex, and you’re not experiencing the two testosterone surges you should be getting every month. During these times, you should feel libidinous, sexy, and ready for action, all thanks to your chemical programming. That means that no matter what’s going on in your life — a stressful situation at work, drama with friends, etc. — you should still have the “game on” mentality when it comes to sex. That’s just Mother Nature’s genius way of making sure we continue to reproduce.
Related: The Surprising Link Between Your Heart Rate and Your Libido
As I mentioned, there are many biological and environmental factors that can contribute to a diminished sex drive, and our overly processed American diet and overabundance of stress are major culprits. But from an endocrine standpoint, there are three primary causes of low libido: high estrogen, fried adrenals, and — sorry to say — medications and birth control. If your liver and digestive system aren’t clearing out excess estrogen efficiently, the high levels of the hormone can disrupt your sex drive. And if you’re stressing your adrenals beyond their breaking point, you’re definitely decreasing your output of juicy sex hormones. And yes, if you’re on the Pill, a side effect is elevated levels of sex hormone binding globulin, reducing the amount of testosterone stimulating your desire (and this effect may be permanent even after going off the Pill). Before stopping any medication, it’s important to talk to your doctor and find the right support you need, but weaning off any unnecessary medications may be in your libido’s best interest.
The FLO Fix: How to Recover Your Missing Sex Drive
Rest assured sexy women: You can absolutely reclaim your libido and get your groove back naturally! You don’t need pills and products (those don’t work anyway); all you need is to start incorporating the right foods at the right times in your cycle. Here are four ways to eat for your libido so you can start feeling sexy in just four weeks:
Load up on honey during your follicular phase (right after you have your period, just before you ovulate). Not only is honey an ancient aphrodisiac, but it’s packed with hormone-regulating boron as well as nitric oxide, something your body naturally releases during arousal. This is so helpful as this week is often a week where we are not naturally in the mood.
During ovulation, stock up on strawberries and figs. Known as the symbol of Venus, the goddess of love, strawberries contain antioxidants and phytochemicals that are nutritious energy support, and their symbolic power can get you in the mood mentally. The fiber and potassium in figs are also great hormone balancers, helping you with your natural surge in estrogen during this phase.
Asparagus and artichokes can do wonders during your luteal phase (right after you ovulate, just before your period). Asparagus contains aspartic acid, which can help prevent fatigue as well as low libido, and artichokes help your body utilize thyroid hormones more efficiently, helping to offset any fatigue during this week. As a bonus, bite into some magnesium-rich dark chocolate closer to your period in order to fulfill your natural cravings, elevate your mood, and give you a much-needed increase in energy.
Dig into avocados during your menstrual phase. Your testosterone is at its lowest ebb during your period, and avocados are full of bio-identical versions of the hormone. Aztecs even believed that avocados had the power to incite sexual passion — try testing the theory for yourself!
Related: 3 Ways Sugar Kills Your Libido
What you eat affects your sex drive and your orgasm. Click here to download my free guide on the Missing Micronutrient to Get your Mojo Back. No matter what age you are, increasing this one micronutrient can dramatically improve your response and help your hormones overall.
Good things come in threes: I want to hear from you in the comments!
First, do you feel like you’re too young to be dealing with low sex drive? What suggestions are you going to try?
Second, what are your top health questions for me, your trusty Hormone Whisperer? Your question could be featured in my column!
Third, everyone you know is hormonal: Spread a little good ovary karma and share this article with your friends on social media, and be sure to follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram.
ABOUT ALISA: Alisa Vitti, HHC, is an integrative nutritionist, best-selling author of WomanCode, creator of the WomanCode System, and the founder of FLOLiving.com, a virtual health center that supports women’s hormonal and reproductive health. A graduate of Johns Hopkins University and the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, Alisa has been featured on The Dr. Oz Show, has a web series on Lifetime, and has been a regular contributor for CBS, Fox, Shape, Women’s Health, MindBodyGreen, and the Huffington Post. She’s also presented at TEDx, Talks@Google, Summit Series Outside, Hay House, WIE Symposium, and SHE Summit.
