How Many Americans Have Read A Significant Other's Email?
A new survey of 600 Americans from My.com, a mobile email provider, has revealed some truly unromantic stats about how couples use and abuse email. Among them, that one in three Americans has read a partner’s email; 17 percent have done it “at least once” and over 12 percent do it “every chance I get.” Great!
These stats are not set in stone. A 600-head-count survey is hardly covering the teeming masses; it’s quite a small sample. And perhaps if you’re tech-savvy and bored enough to take online surveys, you are also the exact type of person who would read a partner’s email in a nonchalant way.
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Just my theory, but while 15 percent of partners who have e-snooped have found something worthy of e-snooping, with one in six learning that a partner was cheating, I think most people people do it just because the opportunity arises.
The only time I’ve read a partner’s email was when a college boyfriend forgot to log out of his account after using my computer. Back then, I knew girls (and now I know plenty of grown women) who’d get all Nancy Drew on their partners because they were suspicious; they’d guess at passwords or check social media and texts looking for a specific name. But I had no real reason to be untrusting of my boyfriend, just an opportunity. An opportunity I regretted when I did see a name I didn’t like in his inbox. Nothing in the email itself (from a flirty coworker) was sketchy, but seeing her name birthed a curiosity in me that I did not want to nurture. It could have been the start of my going down a slippery slope. All I had to do was not sign him out and I would have had access to his account with him none the wiser—until maybe he got wiser and our relationship imploded. I stopped, considered that he might see plenty he didn’t like in my email, and logged him out. It felt hard to do only because my access had been so easy.
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We walk around with most of our communication in our pocket these days. When a peek at our partner’s exchanges is easy to get to—swiping a lock on an iPhone is hardly breaking into Fort Knox—it can mentally minimize what we’re really doing here. But ultimately, the blowback is tough to minimize. Once you break in, it’s hard to break out. I watched a friend spiral out of control after she realized she could access her boyfriend’s Facebook account from his TV. If he was late coming home from the office, she’d check his messages and wall so casually, like she would her own. It became a regular part of her post-work routine to snoop, and hiding it hurt her. I think she secretly wished he’d change his password so she would be forced to stop. I don’t think snooping is a sign that you’re a mistrusting monster. It’s a very forgivable, human mistake so long as you’re actually sorry. But if it becomes your new norm, if you think there’s nothing wrong with it, then you’re going to be sorry for so much more.
By Kate Sullivan
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