Here's Why I'm Totally Cool With Sex on the First Date
Time to talk about sleeping with your date…on the first date. (Illustration: Samantha Hahn)
There’s been a lot of discussion around The Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe’s decision to do the deed before the show’s trademark fantasy suites. Many slut-shamed her for getting it on too soon, while some defended her right to—gasp!—have sex. “It makes me SO angry that there is such a double standard in this world when it comes to men and women having sex,” former Bachelorette star Ali Fedotowsky wrote on her blog. …“So stop judging Kaitlyn for following her heart annnnnnd her vagina ;).” Preach!
Now, I may not be dating 25 guys at once (respect), but I do share the same sentiments. Like Kaitlyn has stated, “intimacy” a.k.a. sexual chemistry and physical compatibility is a huge part of the relationship equation for her, and I agree. I don’t want to waste time beating around the bush when I know something is important to me in the long run. So, I tend to sleep with men on the first or second date. I don’t necessarily make that my mission for the night. But it usually does happen if I’m into the dude (and happened to shave my legs that day). What better way to get to know someone than by being naked, right?
Related: 10 Things He’s Thinking When You’re Naked
It’s not out of a sense of obligation or because I think the guy will like me more. If I’m attracted to him and we’re both feeling it, why not? I don’t believe in playing games or playing hard to get. Am I giving away the milk for free? Moo. I’m a human being, and human beings can have sex if that’s what both people want to do.
I understand that there are emotional and chemical responses connected to sex and that both women and men may develop stronger emotions for each other after getting it on, but I don’t think sleeping with someone has greatly sped up the process for me or necessarily made me more susceptible to heartbreak. For me to invest a ton of time in waiting and following the “rules” and then find out the sex is bad or meh later on in the game would be a greater disappointment. Plus, if a guy would judge me for doing it on the first date or pull some double standard B.S. then I wouldn’t want to date him now or after the 10th date.
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Also worth stating: Sex on the first date doesn’t automatically equal a second date, just as not having sex on the first date doesn’t automatically equal a second date. So is there any magic number of dates to wait? Three? Five? Ten? The wedding night? Obviously, for some folks, sex isn’t as important and doesn’t make or break a relationship regardless of when it happens. Everyone simply needs to figure out the right time for themselves and not judge others for doing it too soon, waiting too long, or not at all. But if you want to do it, don’t let anyone tell you when the right or wrong time is. Ultimately, you’re the only one in charge of your real-life fantasy-suite date card. (Sorry, Chris Harrison.)
By The Single Files
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