Everything That’s Ever Baffled You About Guys and Urinals—Explained

Yahoo Health
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One dude leaks all. (Photo: Shutterstock)

When my editor asked me if I was up for writing some answers to questions women have about urinals, I immediately accepted. I’m definitely the man for this job because I urinate more than anyone else I have ever met. Seriously. I’ve been tested for diabetes several times because doctors are dumbfounded as to how I could possibly pee as much as I do without having some sort of medical condition. (Just for kicks, I tallied the number of times I peed at work the other day: In about nine hours, I peed 21 times.) What I’m saying is, I have a great deal of insight into urinal use, some of which I’ll share with you now.

Do Men Really Leave a “Gap Urinal”?

If he is able to, your average man will always leave a urinal in between himself and another guy. Because some dudes get weirded out when others stand directly next to them to take a leak when other urinal stalls are open. Men like their space, and there’s no plausible reason to pee right next to someone else if you can employ a gap urinal.

Related: Is It Harmful to Hold in Your Pee?

However, I should also mention that when the bathroom is crowded and you need to pee right next to someone, guys don’t give it a second thought. Because it’d be really weird if you waited until it was cleared out enough for a gap urinal. You’d never get to pee during a professional sporting event, that’s for sure.

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<p style=“ color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;”><a href=“https://instagram.com/p/0-UIrSkAHN/” style=“ color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none;” target=“_top”>A photo posted by Fernando Rodriguez (@elpiris_09)</a> on <time datetime=“2015-04-02T13:08:23+00:00” style=“ font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;”>Apr 2, 2015 at 6:08am PDT</time></p>
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Are There Any Other Weird Urinal Etiquette Rules Women Are Unaware Of?

Unless you’re a little kid, you should never drop your pants the whole way. That’ll weird people out. Oh, and farting is, like, totally cool when you’re at the urinal. You wouldn’t rip one out in the middle of the office when someone else can hear it, but when you’re at the urinal it seems to be universally understood that sometimes when you’re pushing the urine out, the effort expels some gas. Most guys don’t even laugh when it happens.

Probably the biggest part of good urinal etiquette is to not let your eyes wander—or at least to not let anyone know if your eyes are wandering. Most guys will either stare straight ahead at the wall, or they’ll look down and appear as though they’re concentrating very hard on something that is very easy to do. Guys don’t want to feel like you’re checking out their junk or anything. I usually hold my junk with my left hand and swipe through Tinder with my right, which requires a certain level of skill, but like I said: I spend a lot of time posted up at the urinal.

Related: Why You Get Stage Fright When You Use a Public Restroom

…So Do You Ever See Other Guys’ Packages?

Every man has checked out someone else’s package, and if he tells you he hasn’t, he’s a liar. As humans, we’re inherently curious, and on occasion that curiosity gets the best of you. I remember doing this once in college when I was peeing next to a guy who some of my female friends said was hung like a moose. I had to see it for myself.

Do Guys Ever Talk at The Urinal?

Yes. But at times it can be super awkward. With certain people, like your boss or someone you don’t really know all that well, you’ll start peeing and wonder if you should strike up a conversation or just be completely silent and concentrated on the task at hand. I usually wait to see if they’ll strike up a conversation. At my last job, I would actually always pee next to my male bosses, and they would tell me all kinds of news that I would then deliver to my female work partner. It was good intel (and that was one of the only instances in which my frequent-urination issue was a positive thing).

If it’s a friend or well-known colleague, I’ll usually engage in some small talk about work or the weather or his general well-being. That’s one cool thing about being able to pee at a urinal: We can talk to each other. I mean, you ladies don’t just start speaking to the person in the stall next to you. Do you? If you do, that strikes me as kind of odd.

Related: Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Public Toilets

Serious conversations are usually considered off-limits, as are depressing ones. We try to keep it jovial. I was just home mourning a death in the family, and I could’ve stayed at the urinal all day without someone coming in and saying something like, “Sorry for your loss, man,” but every other guy would’ve brought up something about baseball or humidity or whatever.

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<p style=“ color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;”><a href=“https://instagram.com/p/0vkRBeEpu_/” style=“ color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none;” target=“_top”>A photo posted by Tom Bailey (@thomasbbailey)</a> on <time datetime=“2015-03-27T19:40:43+00:00” style=“ font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;”>Mar 27, 2015 at 12:40pm PDT</time></p>
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What’s Easier to Use: A Urinal, or a Toilet?

Aiming at a urinal is easier, usually, because with most urinals you just have to shoot straight ahead or at a slight downward angle. The downside of using a urinal, though, is that they’re always closer to your penis, and sometimes you’ll get some splash-back if you’re hanging an extra thick wire at a high velocity. The toughest thing in the world from a peeing standpoint, though, is trying to pee in a toilet when you have an erection. The stream goes rogue, man. It’s rough.

Related: Are You Covering Yourself in Germs Every Time You Flush the Toilet?

So Do Dudes Ever Miss?

Dudes miss so often and in such high volume that I’m actually kind of ashamed to admit it. And the more we miss, the worse it gets. If I walk into the restroom at work at the end of the day before the custodian has cleaned the floor, there will almost always be a bunch of errant piss pooled on the ground in front of the urinal. Now, of course I don’t want to step in goodness only knows how many other dudes’ urine, so I stand further back from the urinal than I normally would, which just compounds the problem. I don’t miss (because my aim is always true), but some inevitably trickles on the floor when I’m wrapping things up because I’m too far away from the urinal for it to dribble in the basin.

Related: This Pic of a Mom Breastfeeding on the Toilet Has Launched an Internet-Wide Hygiene Debate

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Scott Muska is a writer in New York City. You can follow him on Twitter @scottmuska or e-mail him at srm5082@gmail.com.

By Scott Muska