9 Better Ways to Get in the Mood
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Setting the mood for sex may feel a bit excessive, especially if you’ve been with your partner for a while. You may not be a candles-and-rose-petals kind of couple, but even small gestures to keep a spark going can add up to something more meaningful. “If you’re nurturing your relationship all the way along by finding ways to get in the mood and stay in the mood and commit to your partner, when you do have life stresses or life changes, whatever it might be, it’s easier to cope with those,” says Melissa Jones, sexologist and executive director of the Sexology Institute and Boutique. Some suggestions for getting in the mood might seem cheesy but, Jones points out, you really have nothing to lose.
Related: 10 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life
Pre-Game
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Jones says that people often forget that intimacy should go beyond the bedroom and the time immediately before and after sex. Making the effort to flirt with your partner, complimenting them, and helping them around the house can all warm you up for better sex later on. Sexting also falls in this category, but if that just isn’t your thing, no problem. “It doesn’t have to be ‘naughty,’ so to speak,” says Jones. “It’s just letting the person know you’re thinking about them and can’t wait to see them and be with them.”
Related: Why Foreplay Is Important
Health Check-Up
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A man’s heart health has a very close relationship to the health of his penis. So does his weight. Anyone who wants a stellar sex life should start with a doctor’s visit. Having a solid understanding of how everything is working down there not only benefits your time between the sheets, but can also inform you about your overall well-being. Also, make sure you know how medications you’re taking may affect your sex drive and functioning.
Related: The 11 Health Benefits of Sex
Educate Yourself
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Nowadays there is boundless information available about different ways to have sex. For those looking to spice things up a little, finding a book of positions or new techniques can be a simple first step. Thanks to internet shopping, you don’t even have to make an embarrassing trip to explore nearly everything sex has to offer.
Related: 37 Sex Stats You Need to Know
New Toys
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Toys are a mood-booster that has become much more appealing thanks to shopping online. “You don’t have to go into your local sex store and be overwhelmed by everything — you can just start small,” says Jones. Consider sitting down with your partner and deciding on a toy you’d like to try. Remember that sex toys don’t have to be a vibrator or a dildo — you can ease into your experimenting with a new lube or massage candles.
Related: 10 Ways to Get More from Your Sex Toys
Tease
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If you really want to commit to setting a special mood, consider focusing on touching and stopping before you get to sex. Jones says she has clients who go a week or two doing this in order to build their intensity and desire. There is still plenty of intimacy in the form of massaging, cuddling, and making out. Admittedly, going further may be hard to avoid. “If you go through all the work, doing [this] activity and you end up having sex, you have not failed because that’s the goal,” says Jones, “we want you to connect.”
Related: 10 Ways to Maximize Pleasure During Sex
Erotic Reading
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50 Shades of Grey may be up your alley, but Jones recommends getting things going with something shorter. She suggests finding an erotic novella, many of which are only one or two pages long and written with couples in mind. “They’re really great because you can imagine yourself as a couple in that scenario,” says Jones. This task will require some curation on your part. Spend a little time looking over reviews of the novellas first to make sure the one you want is made for couples and within your area of interest.
Make a Schedule
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Adults have busy lives and (oftentimes) the busier we are, the less we get busy. Pick the right time to have sex. Having sex before going to sleep is a mainstay, but most people are so tired by then, there isn’t much mood that can be set. Instead, consider a romp in the morning or just a little bit after you get home from work. Also, pay attention to what days of the week might be extra stressful due to meetings, events, or family situations. Sex can be a stress reliever, but it can also suffer if someone is too stressed. Try to understand how different activities affect you and plan accordingly.
Related: How to Prioritize Sex in Your Relationship
Get Away
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“I often find clients especially can’t orgasm at home because the kids are there or work or whatever stress there might be,” says Jones. “But when they go away and leave all that behind them, it’s easier for them.” Taking just a little trip with your partner can add a surprising level of excitement and intimacy to your sex life. Keep an open mind, and your romantic getaway doesn’t have to take too much time or break the bank.
Unplug
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Even if you can’t accommodate a short vacation, you can definitely take a break from your electronics. “There’s nothing worse than being in the middle of playing and having a phone beep,” says Jones. Turn off your phone, turn off the TV, and shut down your computer. Give your partner your complete attention. It’s a small gesture that can pay off big.
