8 Things People Married for 50 Years Do
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Half of a century. Two thousand six hundred weeks. And we won’t even tell you how many seconds that is. What does it take to stay married—to the same person—for over 50 years? We caught up with half a dozen couples who have hit the half century mark since their wedding vows to give us some inside tips for how they’ve learned to love, laugh, and survive living with the same person for 50 whole years. (Make YOUR well-being a priority this year! Join Prevention and other leading minds in health & wellness for our annual R3 Summit.)
They know how to fight with each other.
From serious fights about spending to heated squabbles about the toilet seat, it’s not that couples that last half a century simply don’t fight. It’s that they’ve learned how to fight. “The most important thing is to establish a way to resolve differences,” say Bill and Becky Greene, who’ve been married for 54 years. “If you just can’t settle on something—especially if one person is irrational about something and won’t budge—that’s when what we call ‘Give and Take’ can be a marriage saver. 'Give and Take’ means first one person in the marriage gives while the other one person takes, then vice versa, in turns, on and on and on.” In short: It’s all about compromise. And by all means, say what you need to say. “It’s ok to fight it out when you need to. We don’t hold grudges or brush problems under the table. We have it out when we need to and then we get over it!” say Sonny and Carol Sumampow, married for 51 years.
They haven’t stopped flirting.
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Even 50 years in, happy couples know that you don’t stop flirting just because you’ve tied the knot. Wearing your partner’s favorite outfit, smiling at each other from across the room, and holding hands during your morning commute are all small gestures that go a long way. “We’ve embraced a healthy, loving sexual tension,” say Dennis and Marj Kocher, who’ve been married for 53 years. Susan and Randy Cooper, married 51 years, agree: “We’re not afraid to be silly and have fun with each other. We’re not afraid to show affection in public. We like each other—and show it!”
…or getting it on!
If the health benefits of sex aren’t enough to convince you to make it a habit again, what it can do for your relationship may be. “Believe it or not, we still enjoy a lot of loving sex—and that has never changed over the years,” say the Coopers. “I remember one time I had a little headache when Randy wanted to make love, but we did it anyway—and my headache went away. Sex always makes us feel better.”
Related: Why Does Sex After 50 Rock?
They force themselves to talk even when they don’t feel like it.
From their dreams for the future to what they are doing that afternoon, communication is key to building a long-term coupledom. Say Billye and Bill Thieman, married for 51 years: “Communication is probably the most important tool in a successful marriage. If you don’t have it, your spouse has no way of knowing what’s wrong or what to work on. We also always discuss our days in the morning so that we know what’s going on with each other, and can offer suggestions for how to help out.”
They’re kind to each other.
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Sounds simple, but studies have found that one of the greatest predictors of marriage success is kindness. The Kochers agree: “We have never name called or used derogatory terms with each other. We don’t dig in just to bring home our own agenda. We’re flexible and honest with each other, supportive in stressful times, and sensitive to each other’s feelings.” And according to the Thiemans, one small, kind gesture goes a long way: “Always make eye contact when listening to your spouse (even if you’re in the middle of doing something) because it respects their thoughts.” (Here are 10 more things connected couples do.)
They don’t let themselves get stuck in a rut.
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Whether it’s traveling to new places or talking about new ideas (or even new sex positions), couples that spend time doing things together—and often new things—keep their connection strong. “Our travel log of all the places and journeys we have explored is a true testimonial of how much we enjoy each other,” say Linda and Jack McCarthy, who’ve been married for 52 years. “I never even knew how to ride a bike or how to swim before I met my husband!” The Coopers agree: “We’ve always been willing to try something new. We’re getting into Toastmasters, Marriage Encounter presenters, and, most recently, improv!”
Related: 12 Ways To Save Your Marriage
They make sure that they’re a team…
Committed couples know that getting married means finding a way to survive the test of children, financial woes, or work changes. And that means working as a team. “Love alone isn’t enough,” say the Coopers. “A couple needs to like and respect each other and enjoy each other’s company.” The Kochers credit striving to divide work evenly for their success. “We’ve lived by the rule of equal partnership—sometimes it’s 80/20— but for us that’s always worked out. Whichever of us is best suited to the job at hand did it. We did not separate 'women’s work’ or 'men’s work’."
…but also develop their own passions and interests.
Sure, you and your spouse need to be a team, but that doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself in the process. "The fact that we do things separately gives us more to talk about when we’re together,” say the Coopers. Echoes Wanda and Wayne Troxell, who’ve been married for 51 years: “It’s important to be your own person. It’s not good to feel 'trapped’ in a marriage.”
By Kate Bayless
This article ‘8 Things People Married for 50 Years Do’ originally ran on Prevention.com.
