7 Burgers Even Worse For You Than the Imaginary McWhopper
(Photo: Florida State Fair)
Despite the public pleadings of Burger King, there will never be a royal wedding with McDonald’s to create the much-talked-about McWhopper. And that’s probably a good thing. After all, no food has been more tortured—both by food marketers and the media that love to hate them—than the humble hamburger.
One done right should run you about 400 calories. But the hypothetical McWhopper would have clocked in at 726. And that’d be on the lower end of what you’d find at many chains and local restaurants. The editors at Eat This, Not That! took a spin through the bizarre world of modern burgers and identified some of our most frightening Frankenfoods—and some smart swaps that will let you enjoy delicious hunks of ground beef, while flattening your belly in the process. (Make these burger moves, and then keep dropping pounds with these essential 8 Secret Superfoods for Rapid Weight Loss!)
1. THE BURGER FROM HELL
Hardee’s and Carl’s Jr. ½ Lb. Thickburger El Diablo: 1,380 calories, 92 g fat (31 g saturated fat), 3,830 mg sodium, 84 g carbohydrates
That’s the Fat and Sodium Equivalent of: 3 whole Big Macs! Hardee’s and Carl’s Jr. take misplaced pride in their shamelessly caloric approach to everything they put under a heat lamp, which is probably reason enough for some to find another place to eat. Need more motivation? This burger is named after The Devil! Many of their offerings break the perilous 1,000-calorie barrier; but this bunbuster has nearly 75 percent of your entire day’s calories and as much fat as a dozen Taco Bell soft beef tacos. And a lot of that fat is in the fried jalapeño popper wedged inside the bun. Beware.
Eat This Instead!
⅓ Pound Low Carb Thickburger: 470 Calories, 36 g fat (13 g saturated fat), 1,170 mg sodium, 9 g carbohydrates
(And go from “thick” to thin: Slim down—fast—with these essential 14 Ways to Lose Your Belly in 14 Days!)
(Photo: Instagram / @hardees)
2. THE FRANKEN-PRETZEL
Ruby Tuesday’s Portabella Crispy Onion Pretzel Cheeseburger: 1,659 calories, 95 g fat (N/A saturated fat), 3,086 sodium, 130 g carbohydrates
That’s the Carb Equivalent of: Shotgunning 10 slices of Wonder Bread! Since our last Eat This, Not That! report, Ruby Tuesday’s ditched their “Colossal Burger,” which equaled six regular burgers at DQ. But they still offer the country’s worst sit-down burger, adding a healthy portabella mushroom, but then piling on crisp onion straws and chipotle mayo, and topping it all with a salted pretzel as a bun!
Eat This Instead!
Turkey Burger Wrap: 584 calories, 28 g fat, 1,395 sodium, 45 g carbohydrates
3. THE SHAKEDOWN
Steak ’n Shake’s 7x7 Steakburger: 1,330 calories, 98 g fat (45 g saturated fat, 3.5 g trans fat), 4,490 sodium, 34 g carbohydrates
That’s the Sodium Equivalent of: 12 servings of Pop Secret Homestyle popcorn! Available only from midnight through 6am on the chain’s “Up All Night” menu—because eating this monstrosity in daylight would be too shameful—the 7x7 isn’t even described as food; they call it a “challenge.” Steak ’n Shake smashes 7 Steakburgers and 7 slices of American Cheese into one pound of goopy, bloaty trans-fatty horror (usually sold for $7.77). You’d have to be either sleepwalking or drunk to think this marketing gimmick is a good idea.
Eat This Instead!
Nothing! Go to sleep! Nighttime fasting—aka closing the kitchen early—may help you lose more weight, even if you eat more food throughout the day, according to a study in the journal Cell Metabolism. But if somehow, you find yourself in a Steak ’n Shake at 2am, and absolutely need a burger, get the Double Steakburger with Cheese—440 calories, 25 g fat (11 g saturated fat, 1 g trans), 590 g sodium, 31 g carbohydrates. And fill up, but don’t fill out: Sip on these 4 Teas That Melt Fat Fast.
(Photo: Instagram / @steaknshake)
4. THE McOREO
The Carousel Foods Oreo Burger: Estimated: 3,047 calories, 212 g fat (64 g saturated fat, 0.2 g trans fat), 2,179 sodium, 226 g carbohydrates
That’s the Calorie Equivalent of: 57 Oreo cookies eaten at once! At Eat This, Not That!, we’re big fans of healthy salty and sweet combos, like dark chocolate and popcorn, or peanut M+Ms. But leave it to Carousel Foods—whose best-selling item is the Krispy Kreme burger—to invent a burger deep fried in Oreo batter, and topped with bacon. The mashup hit the Florida State Fair earlier this year. “The crazier it is, the more people want to try it,” Carousel’s co-owner told the Tampa Bay Times. You’d have to be crazy to eat one. Although there is no official nutrition data available, we estimated it by tallying the counts ingredient by ingredient. Even if we somehow overestimated by, say, 1,000 calories, this is still the highest-calorie burger on this list. Consider yourself warned, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up on burgers and carbs altogether. Rely on these 5 Best Carbs for a Flat Belly.
Eat This Instead!
Corn Dog: 280 calories, 18 g fat (6 g saturated fat), 755 mg sodium, 20 g carbohydrates
(Photo: Florida State Fair)
5. THE DUNKIN’ DOUGHBURGER
PYT’s The Doh! Nut: Estimated: 1,070 calories, 75 g fat (40 g saturated fat) 1,769 mg sodium, 48 g carbohydrates
That’s the Fat Equivalent of: 5 Burger King Bacon Cheeseburger Deluxe sandwiches! Every city seems to have a “craaazy” burger place—most notoriously Chicago, whose Kuma’s Corner once offered a burger topped with red wine and a communion wafer to represent “the blood and body of Jesus.” PYT in Philly is less controversial but no less creative, making headlines for a “spaghetti burger,” and now this monstrous mash-up: A burger with a beef patty, American cheese and chocolate-covered bacon on a glazed donut bun. “For real,” they say proudly. (You can also find a Donut Burger at Portland’s The Original diner.) Holy moly.
Eat This Instead! PYT is a franken-paradise for cheat meals—they serve cheeseburger sliders on waffle fry buns, and even their salads are “big ass.” But try the Lobster and Crab burger, made from fresh seafood.
(Photo: Instagram / @pytburger)
6. THE QUACKENBURGER
Smokin’ Betty’s Turk-Duk-En Burger: Estimated: 1,471 calories, 71 g fat (20 g saturated fat) 2,767 mg sodium, 124 g carbohydrates
That’s the Calorie Equivalent of: Downing 41 Pizza Hut WingStreet Bone-Out Garlic Parmesan Wings at once! Philly, what. Is. Up? First PYT and now Smokin’ Betty’s, which piles on homemade stuffing, southern-style gravy, homemade cranberry sauce and sweet potato ribbons atop a burger made from turkey, duck and chicken. The almost perverse joke is, it’s done well, using high-quality, locally-sourced ingredients. You can also find a Turk-Duk-En Burger 21 in Tampa around Thanksgiving, but Betty’s has it all-year-round.
Eat This Instead!
The Betty Burger—made with confit pork belly—is absolutely delicious, but the healthiest choice on the menu is the House Ground Turkey Burger. To really ramp up your slim-down success, pair this burger with one of these 8 Workouts That Burn the Most Fat!
(Photo: Instagram / @reirules21)
7. THE TRIPLE BIG MAC
Wayback Burgers Triple Triple Burger: 1,780 calories, 108 g fat (42 g saturated fat), 700 mg sodium, 30 g carbohydrates
That’s the Fat Equivalent of: 10 Krispy Kreme Glazed Doughnuts! It’d be one thing if this were a one-time gimmick just to nab headlines, like the McWhopper, but the chain proudly features the Triple Triple front and center in its marketing and website: 9 burger patties with 9 slices of American cheese, stacked high. This one will take you way, way back—ideally to a time before you ordered it, so you can make a smarter swap.
Eat This Instead!
Philly Burger Single: 440 calories, 22 g fat (8 g saturated fat), 970 mg sodium, 35 g carbohydrates
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