6 Things Happy People Never Do
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You know the basics: smile more, exercise more, volunteer more. But if being a genuinely happier person is on your resolution list for the year ahead, knowing what not to do can be just as important. Nix these behaviors from your life and you’ll be, well, happy you did. (Make YOUR well-being a priority this year! Join Prevention and other leading minds in health & wellness for our annual R3 Summit.)
They don’t…check Facebook so frequently
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At red lights, in waiting rooms, before bed: it’s a slippery slope into addictive social media checking—and, in turn, a bad mood. “Most of the time I don’t feel happier when I’m aimlessly scrolling,” says Lisa O'Brien, owner & CEO of LifeYum, Inc, a wellness and life-coaching company. “Conversely, when I’m in a happy state I’m noticeably not checking Facebook. I’m living in the moment, focused on what I am doing and who I’m with.” Indeed, a recent study by the Happiness Research Institute showed that Facebook users are 39% more likely to feel less happy than non-users.
Taking social media off your phone is a great first step toward being in the here and now; you’ll be less tempted to start mindlessly checking in. “You learn to be comfortable with moments of non-scrolling, non-doing,” says O'Brien. What’s more, she adds, you’ll eliminate another source of “never-getting-to-zero” (as can happen with email checking)—a stressful feeling because no one likes to leave things unfinished. “It’s hard to relax when you feel like there is something you should be doing or looking at.”
Related: 9 Surprising Depression Symptoms
They don’t…forget to take a break
A jam-packed schedule “creates a sense of rush before the day even gets started, like you don’t have time to breathe and if you do, you’ll be behind the eight ball,” says O'Brien. Happy people know how to politely say no. They know they can do their best work when they prioritize their schedule, she explains. Can’t avoid a packed day at work? Grab a few minutes between meetings and focus on your breath—it’s your best tool for relaxation during a hectic day, she says. Focus on “the coolness as you inhale and the warmth as you exhale. Count your inhales and exhales, allowing the exhales to be twice as long as your inhale to slow your heart rate.”
They don’t…hang out with complainers
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For the most part, you’re in control of who you spend time with. “If the air gets thick with negativity or a pity party has gone too far, excuse yourself from the conversation,” advises June Archer, author of Yes! Every Day Can Be A Good Day. Times may be tough, but getting sucked into a misery-loves-company situation won’t help, she explains. Pity parties feel good at the time, but they have a negative long-term effect of putting a strain on your relationships and your happiness. “As the saying goes, ‘If you hang with 9 broke friends, you’re bound to be the 10th one,’” she says.
Related: The Secret To Goldie Hawn’s Sunny Disposition
They don’t…assume everyone is out to get them
“When things don’t work out as planned or they get an unexpected response, happy people are curious and expect there to be a reasonable explanation,” says Angela Sarafin, DC-based marriage and family therapist. “They ask, 'What just happened?’ as opposed to getting angry and thinking 'how could they do that to me?’” Even when someone is hurtful, Sarafin says that happy people tend to be concerned about what might be happening in that other person’s life that would lead them to act that way. In other words, they don’t take it personally. “Some people are blessed with a positive perspective as part of their personality, but it’s actually a skill that most of us can learn if we take the time to retrain our thinking patterns.” (Here’s how to free yourself from being a victim.)
They don’t…compare themselves to others
Another strike against Facebook: it can chip away at your happiness because it makes it too easy to compare yourself to others, several studies have found. Instead of getting down on yourself, give yourself a reality check. “My mother told me long, long ago that people brag to make themselves feel better,” says Nanette, 50. “When someone says they drive a Cadillac I like to think it’s probably 20 years old and rusting out. When someone talks about spending the weekend on their boat? It’s probably just a rowboat.” Thinking this way is “quite freeing,” she says.
Related: 10 Little Things Connected Couples Do
They don’t…forget to celebrate others’ success
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A happy person’s reaction to someone winning the lottery? “Wonderful, great for her!” says Lynn D. Johnson, PhD, a Salt Lake City-based psychologist. “Unhappy people live in a small world where rewards are scare. Happy people live in a big world with plenty to go around,” he explains. The next time your friend gets a promotion, congratulate her and mean it. And those lottery winners? You never know when it will be you, so why not be happy for them? In short: There’s plenty of good to go around—being happy for others doesn’t mean you won’t get your turn. It just means that you’ll be happier in the time being.
By Melissa Florenza
This article ‘6 Things Happy People Never Do’ originally ran on Prevention.com.
