Clare Crawley is opening up on painful past experiences and how much she has grown in recent years.
While appearing on the "Bachelor Happy Hour" podcast on Tuesday, Crawley explained that there is a lot in her life that she did not reveal while appearing on Juan Pablo Galavis’ season 18 of "The Bachelor."
"I didn't even share with my friends -- some of my family knew about it -- but I had just gone through a really, really abusive relationship going into Juan Pablo's season," she said.
She said following her departure from Galavis' season, she needed to take time to process what had happened and what she wanted to work on in the future.
"I was just starting to do the work, I was just starting to crack myself open and kind of find out all about me and why I had had that moment, but even more so all the stuff leading up to it that I had to still process," Crawley told the podcast's co-hosts Rachel Lindsay and Becca Kufrin.
Crawley explained that she wants to show women of all ages that "we all go through pretty awful stuff sometimes." She said she hasn't spoken about her "healing journey" to many but wants to show people that "if I can do it, literally anybody can do it -- it just takes those steps."
She also detailed her struggles with low self-esteem and how that affected her reaction to hearing she was cast as the Bachelorette.
"I grew up having no self confidence because of a lot of things that have happened in my life, not believing in myself and not feeling worthy of a lot of stuff," she shared. "That is something that is kind of at my core, that when things are hard or challenging, it kind of reverts to that unknowingly."
When asked to share how she's grown since leaving Galavis’ season, Crawley explained what's changed.
"Coming off of Juan Pablo's season...I was weak. I didn't know who I was," she shared. "I just wasn't self-aware I guess, and now, coming from there and doing all the work over these last -- all in my 30s -- I'm an empowered woman now and a strong woman."
"More than anything I would say I'm a courageous woman now," she added. "And even when I am weak, I still have the courage within myself to do hard things, and that is something that I'm proud of now."
She said she wants her potential match to know about her past experiences and how she was shaped by them.
"I want the man of my dreams to see the worst of me, to know the worst of me," she said. "Not to have maybe compassion or anything like that, but to maybe see it's not always easy and confident and strong and empowered."
"There's a lot that I went through that I want them to know the hard, ugly, embarrassing struggles of my life to appreciate the woman that I am today," she added. "And I want a man to love me for that -- and not just for the easy makeup and hair ... anybody can love you for the easy fun times and the smiles and the laughs."
"It's been something that I've hidden for so many years," she added on her past struggles. "These are the things that have made the woman that I am today."