The Greatest Ice Cream Truck Treats, Ranked
By: Adam Lapetina
Credit: Flickr/David Salafia
Back in the day, hot American Summers meant a few things: the inevitability of camp, talking cans of vegetables, and ice cream trucks playing jaunty tunes. Every time that telltale song was heard, it stimulated a flurry of decision-making instantaneously: Do I get the Sonic the Hedgehog popsicle? Or a Choco Taco? Or maybe something even better — if there is such a thing? Like it or not, there was a definite hierarchy to the offerings of any ice cream truck, and we’ve laid out the spread as obviously as a popsicle stick joke penned by a six-year-old.
Offended? Surprised? Suddenly struck with potent nostalgia and need a place to be comforted by like-minded pop-cultural veterans of the ’90s? Let us know in the comment section. And here they are, without further ado, from worst to best:
Credit: Flickr/Kyle Van Horn
Oh, boy! A popsicle that reminds me of the inevitability of my return to school! No thanks, Popsicle lobby. Plus, they don’t even actually write. Good for a simple pantomime joke and nothing more.
22. Spongebob Squarepants (and any other character)
In theory, these popsicles (the whole lot of them, from Sonic to Tweety to any one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but — c’mon — definitely Michaelangelo) would be at the top of the list. They assert that you’re knowledgeable about pop culture, they taste relatively decent, and they’re walking advertisements for Sega/Nickelodeon. But in practice, the gumball eyes are always grotesquely uneven, they all start to get as jowly as Mitch McConnell as they melt, and there’s always the sobering realization that you’re eating the flesh of your hero. Not cool.
21. Bubble Play
This is just a blood-red cherry baseball glove with a gumball in the middle. And it’s gross.