These Tattoos Will Get You Free Pizza for Life. Just, No
Photo credit: Pi Pizza Truck
The promise of free slices for life compelled 25 humans to get tattoos last weekend in Texas.
Free pizza? Sweet. Let’s dig a little deeper.
Oh, wait—not free free, because you had to pay the tattoo artist between $70 and $250 for the tattoo.
But at least you can choose the tattoo you like, right? Like, maybe a really arty rendition of a gorgeous pie you ate once?
No. You get to pick from among the 15, Pi Pizza–branded tattoos shown here.
Oh. But free pizzas for life, dude! Rad!
Not quite. Owner Anthony Calleo clarified to us that you’ll get an $8 discount off a whole pizza, or that you can order a big slice (a quarter of a full pie) for free on any of the five days when the truck is open.
Take a moment to do that math. Let the ink dry on that $250 pizza tattoo, pal.
You done? Great. Now we’re gonna take a moment to channel Mom:
YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
Step away from the tattoo artist. Put down whatever it is you are smoking. Have, like, a snack. Because some might say it is idiocy to get one of these designs pressed deep into your arm, leg, or super-sexy lower back.
We love pizza, too. We really do. The bubbling cheese, the blistered crust, the sweet sauce, ALL OF THE CURED PORK PRODUCTS. If aliens invaded Earth, they’d go get some pizza before taking over humanity.
But neither these designs nor this notion is compelling. In fact, they both seem right on the fringe of madness.
Calleo tells us that not only did 25 people get these tattoos in two days, but 30 people were turned away.
We’re gonna have to file this under the Power of a Really Good Slice. Excuse us while we set up a 1-800 number so you can dial our (already furious, and we haven’t even told them the story yet) moms.