Here's How You Get Pizza to the Oscars

Julia Bainbridge
·Food Editor
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Pizza guy, Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts, Meryl Streep, and Ellen Degeneres. Oh, and pizza. Photo credit: Kevin Winter / Getty Images

Ellen Degeneres did a damn fine job of hosting the Oscars last night. She was funny but not snarky, she made her mark but wasn’t overpowering, and she prevented any hangry from happening by feeding attendees pizza. That is no small feat.

Here’s how you get three pizzas—a veggie and two cheeses—through Dolby Theater security and into the hands of hungry actors:

You be Ellen Degeneres.

You make a joke about how hungry everyone must be (one hour on the red carpet, four hours at the show) and suggest ordering pizza, thus locking yourself (or, rather, a gaggle of frantic ABC television producers) into ordering pizza.

You call the nearest Big Mama’s and Papa’s Pizzeria and order a few mediocre pies. “Address?” “The Oscars.”

You send an SUV to retrieve actual delivery guy carrying said pizzas.

You collect pizza money in Pharrell’s hat. You ask Harvey Weinstein to handle the tip. 

Actual delivery guy arrives. You lead him to the Oscars stage.

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Photo credit: Kevin Winter / Getty Images

And now, the pizza is in the building. Delivery guy hands slices to Julia Roberts, Meryl Streep, Jamie Foxx, Brad Pitt, Jennifer Lawrence, and Harrison Ford, among others, celebrity hunger is assuaged, and the show can go on to break all kinds of records.

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(Photo credit: Corinne Foxx)

Pharrell’s hat goes on to earn $44,100 at auction for non-profit From One Hand To AnOTHER.

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That wasn’t so hard, was it? (Photo credit: E Online)

PS. A very pregnant Kerry Washington finally got a (gluten-free) slice backstage. (Photo credit: Kerry Washington’s People)

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