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Comfort Foods for Eric Cantor and Anyone Else Having a Really Bad Week

June 11, 2014

Photo credit: Getty/Ben & Jerry’s, Illustration credit: Rachel Tepper

Someone get Eric Cantor some Ben & Jerry’s, stat. On Tuesday night, the House majority leader got walloped in the Republican primary race in his district, and by Wednesday afternoon he’d announced that he’ll step down from his leadership position in July. The Atlantic reports, “It’s unclear when elections would be held to succeed Cantor.” 

Talk about a sudden change of fate. Politics aside, you’ve gotta feel for a guy who’s clearly going through some tough times. Hey, at least he’ll have time now to finally learn to play the guitar. Or get really into home brewing. Or master the art of mixing Old-Fashioneds.

But first, Eric: Cut yourself some slack and tuck into some soothing comfort foods. There, there. It’s OK. Grab a fork.

Photo credit: Rua Castilho/StockFood

Spaghetti and roasted tomato sauce. No need for meatballs. Just some hearty spaghetti topped with a sweet dollop of roasted tomato sauce. Oh, and grated Parmesan. Lots and lots of Parmesan.

Chicken soup with riceA big bowl of steaming chicken soup dotted with juicy grains of rice is just what the doctor ordered. Best enjoyed in bed while wrapped in a large down comforter and wearing a flannel footed onesie.

Photo credit: Food52

Brownies. If ever there was a time for brownies, this is it. These sinful squares of luxurious cocoa and earthy pecans make it all better. Go ahead, have another. “Comfort brownies” don’t have calories.

Bacon grilled cheese and tomato soup. Do this now: Dunk melty grilled cheese packed with unctuous slices of fatty bacon in a bowl of creamy tomato soup swirled with heavy cream. Stuff into mouth. Repeat.

Photo credit: Food52

Fried Rice. If you’re feeling up to it, dude, steam a few cups of cooked jasmine rice and stir-fry them up with minced ginger, garlic, thinly sliced leeks, soy sauce, and a few glugs of peanut oil. Top it with a runny-yolked egg drizzled with sesame oil. Or, you know, just sit on the couch and call your local Chinese delivery joint.

Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. Sure, pretend-Conservative-but-in-reality-totally-liberal Stephen Colbert has his own flavor. Don’t think about that right now, Eric. All that matters is getting spoonful after spoonful of caramel-swirled vanilla ice cream flecked with fudge-covered waffle cone bits into your mouth.

After a week of eating like this, it’ll hopefully be time to toss out those empty Ben & Jerry’s containers, dry those eyes, and resume life like a normal person. Because life goes on. And, eventually, the store runs out of ice cream.