Writing ‘Chemistry’ Helped Kelly Clarkson Weather Depression and Divorce: ‘I’m Taking My Power Back’
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Chemistry, Kelly Clarkson’s first album in six years, was more than a straightforward divorce record. When the album arrived last June, the singer explained that even the idea behind the title was deeper than it first appeared — the notion that while “having chemistry with someone is an incredible, overwhelming, feeling,” it’s also “like you have no choice in the matter.” Writing the record allowed Clarkson to sift through the positives and negatives, as well as reclaim her power and weather the highs and lows of depression in the process.
“I cannot express how appreciative I feel for having that kind of healthy outlet, because the level of depression and things that come with divorce or grieving is extraordinarily hard. You feel alone, and it’s just a blessing to be able to have that outlet for those emotions that are overwhelming,” Clarkson recently told People. “[Releasing the album was] like, ‘I’m taking my power back.’ That sounds very therapy, but that’s because I love therapy, and I think it’s important to have those tools to navigate your life and relationships.”
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Explaining her writing process for Chemistry, she added: “I didn’t see it other than: This is my outlet. I’m a let-go person; I don’t hold grudges. So it was really delving into what happened in my life and why — and what am I going to do about it?”
Clarkson introduced the album to her audience with two lead singles, “Me” and “Mine.” At the time, she described the decision for the double release, saying: “There are many stages of grief and loss on this album. Each song is a different stage and emotional state.”
Both songs exhibited a reclaiming of power, with Clarkson warning of the ways her love will haunt her old flame and the dangers of karma lurking just around the corner. It didn’t take long for her prophesy to come true. In November, Clarkson’s ex-husband Brandon Blackstock was ordered to pay more than $2.6 million for allegedly making business deals on her behalf against the law, according to a California labor commissioner. He has since appealed the decision and requested a de novo trial.
Still, Clarkson isn’t letting the past weigh her down. The singer recently made the move to New York City, where she has relocated with both her children and her daytime talk show The Kelly Clarkson Show, which is on its fifth season.
The move also meant that she had to say goodbye to The Voice. “I love that family. But I was like, ‘I’m struggling. I can’t smile anymore. I don’t feel like smiling,” she told USA Today last year. “I feel like a weight has lifted. That move was very needed. I think the thing I’m most excited about with season 5, on a selfish level, is just showing up to work smiling and actually meaning it. That’s a beautiful gift that you don’t realize until you’re out of it.”
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