Which is worse, host or Golden Globes themselves? | MARK HUGHES COBB

So the Golden Globes host sucked.

Which is odd, given they've hired great standups in the past ― Ricky Gervais, Seth Meyers, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler — but don't forget they've also hired Jimmy Fallon and Andy Samberg.

Also don't forget: The Golden Globes has an epic history of suckage.

Former HFPA (Hollywood Foreign Press Association, its founding body) president, Henry Gris, resigned in 1958 because: "…certain awards are being given more or less as favors." Most winners were represented by the same PR firm. Coincidentally, I'm sure. From 1968 to 1974, the FCC banned the Globes from broadcast, due to related (alleged) scandals.

Ever wonder how such a low-rent operation lands famous faces? They had (allegedly) told winners statues would be given to others if they didn't show up for the party. Tinker with their egos, and their facelifts will follow.

NBC put 'em back on in '75, then dumped 'em again in '82, following Pia Zadora's gilded paperweight, paid for by hubby Meshulam Riklis, who flew HFPA members to his Vegas casino, the Riviera, then invited them home for a lavish meal and showing of Zadora's film "Butterfly," which you have never heard of because guess why?

She beat Kathleen Hurt ("Body Heat") and Elizabeth McGovern ("Ragtime"), both of whom you have justly heard of, in a category called "New Star of the Year." Zadora made her debut 17 years before in another crap flick, although one actually meant to be funny: "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians."

Former HFPA publicist Michael Russell filed a $2 million suit against the group in 2011, alleging, again, payola.

Brendan Fraser talked about this in an article for GQ in 2018, and it had also been reported in a 2005 New York Times story, but the incident (allegedly) happened in 2003, at a Globes-related luncheon, when HFPA Chairman Philip Berk (allegedly) sexually assaulted the beloved actor.

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What Fraser said: "His left hand reaches around, grabs my (expletive) cheek, and one of his fingers touches me in the (another explicit direction). And he starts moving it around." Fraser boycotted the 2023 GGs, despite being nominated for stellar work in "The Whale."

Berk denied the story, and remained president for 44 years, not fired until 2021, two days after sending an email to HFPA members describing Black Lives Matter as a "racist hate movement."

Years roll by, as do more allegations of racism and financial shenanigans, until a 2021 Los Angeles Times story points out the 87-person HFPA had zero Black members. NBC again dropped the Globes.

Under accusations of unethical conduct (smear campaigns and threats against actual journalists), and racism (several Black-led shows snubbed while Lily-led "Emily in Paris" got noms, nothing at all to do, surely, with the more-than-30 HFPA members who were flown to Paris to visit the set, put up in a five-star hotel), and after the 2022 boycott (from Amazon, Netflix and other powerhouses; Tom Cruise returned his three Globes), the HFPA scrambled to reorganize. Last summer, Dick Clark Productions, with other media entities, bought the whole mess. The HFPA disbanded.

Strides in diversity have been made. The charitable work (One good thing you could say about the GGs/HFPA) has been shuffled into its own separate organization.

So surely things better now?

Netflix and Amazon (and possibly others) turned down the offer to broadcast the Globes this year.

Attendees were given gift bags whose value has been calculated at $500,000. Yes, half a million in swag, more than you'll likely make in your life, handed out like parking-lot flyers to people who don't need it.

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The tragically misguided host made sexist and homophobic jokes about "Barbie," a movie directed and produced by some of the finest women artists working, and earning $1.4 billion box office — kinda popular, as in biggest of all time ― while lauding "Oppenheimer," which for all its qualities (and I love Christopher Nolan's work) qualifies as a sausage-fest (You have to skip 28 down in the cast to find the second woman actor, after Emily Blunt) and probably couldn't pass the Bechdel Test.

Wasn't "Barbie" a twist on the idea that even a long-repressed icon can break out of her mold? Isn't that pretty much the arc?

Aren't we a little weary of men belittling women, especially successful ones, while over-applauding any Scorsese whose $200 million budgeted movie does $155 million, while FLOP!-ing over a similarly-budgeted flick starring three strong women, written and directed by women, which earned $205 million?

'Scuse me while I calculate this misogy-ny. It's not really a marvel that relentless bad juju created a self-fulfilling prophecy, leading borderline attendees to think "Eh, I'll wait until it's on streaming."

Wasn't there also a rich subplot in "Barbie" about dudes deranged by patriarchal norms, much as the women had been, and at least the one man who gradually grows, and learns that he's — this bit still doesn't make me laugh as hard as it did others, but I accept I'm in the minority — Kenough?

"Plastic doll with boobies" was where you chose to shoot your shot?

Admittedly, that's punching upward, but for this guy, that's gonna be pretty much everywhere after this performance.

Then the host tried to backtrack — live ― blaming failed jokes on other writers. He's even punching upward as he throws people under the bus.

OK, he only got the gig a fortnight before, but I'm sure another comic, working with a staff of writers, could come up with something sharper. Late night show teams, "SNL," improv comics, they all do it … swifter.

As if leaping out from a skillet and into a conflagration, the hapless host actually went for a Taylor Swift crack, and I finally got a laugh … seeing her perfect deadpan-Kermit-nonchalant-none-of-my-bidness sipping.

If you come for the queen, you best not miss.

Just best not.

Mark Hughes Cobb is the editor of Tusk. Reach him at mark.cobb@tuscaloosanews.com.

This article originally appeared on The Tuscaloosa News: Which is worse, host or Golden Globes themselvies? | MARK HUGHES COBB