Woody, a talking, doe-eyed mall Christmas tree, has returned after 15 years of hibernation

·2 min read
Woody practices his Lucille Bluth wink
Woody practices his Lucille Bluth wink

For more than a quarter of a century, the Mic Mac Mall in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia, brought a huge talking Christmas tree named Woody out of storage each year. Woody, as Wikipedia states, “either delighted or frightened children” who visited Santa Claus beneath its ever-watchful eyes. Then, in 2007, Woody was vanquished “due to safety concerns” and because he required “extensive repairs.” For the last 15 years, he slumbered in the darkness, biding his time and growing in festive power until November 19, when Woody returned to reclaim his rightful place.

The CBC explains that Woody stands at 15 meters (49 feet) tall, is “adorned with colorful decorations” and is “known to bat his curly lashes” as he speaks to children. A video of Woody’s 2021 resurrection begins with a kid shying away from his gleeful robot face until she’s brought before him like the sacrifice to an ancient solstice god. He looks straight ahead and discusses her ears, bragging later that he’s close friends with Santa.

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Woody may appear unnerving to some—like Jimmy Fallon, who highlighted the tree’s return during a monologue last week—but his reappearance has been a welcome one for locals who, we suppose, want to share their memories of holiday fear and wonder with a new generation.

Mic Mac Mall general manager Tamitha Oakley says Woody’s absence was not due to him needing to, say, rejuvenate himself by bathing in a subterranean blood cave for the last 15 years, but because Woody “went to the North Pole to help Santa and the elves sustain the magical forest up in the North Pole.” (A likely story.) He’s now returned, apparently, “because it’s been a really tough couple of years” for everyone.

During his time away, Woody’s face was brightened up a bit and changed from the visage of a displeased forest god to a new, more smoothly unsettling look. Oakley insists that there’s no nefarious reason for this, but that Woody’s fresh appearance “is the natural result of all the rest he’s gotten in the North Pole.”

This statement seems to contradict her earlier suggestion that Woody was busy maintaining magical forests, but we imagine it’s hard to keep any kind of story straight while living in fear of a talking 50-foot tree.

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