Woman baffled by boyfriend’s secret ring-shopping move: ‘Did I ruin my own engagement?’

·4 min read

A woman is wondering if she ruined her own engagement.

She took to Reddit’s “Am I the A******? (AITA)” forum for help. She has two kids with her boyfriend of 10 years. Recently, she noticed he was behaving weirdly about money. He wouldn’t tell her where their savings were stored. Eventually, she found out he used the money to buy her engagement ring.

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“Did I ruin my own engagement? So last weekend, my bf and I got into a huge fight,” she wrote. “A week prior to this blowup, we were having car issues and needed to go buy some new parts. Luckily he knows how to install them, or it would’ve been a lot more money. We had a little over $1,000 saved up. I suggested we use some of that money to get the car parts, and then when he got paid, to replace the money that we used. Not a huge deal in my mind. He kept dismissing my suggestion, and we were kinda fighting about that.

“My mom was over when we were having this argument, and she said she’ll pay for the parts, and we just pay her back when we can. Which is really amazing of my mom to suggest that. He immediately takes her up on the offer, which I found kinda weird since he’s not the type to ask for help from anyone. After the car’s all fixed, I kinda question him on where the money is since it’s not in the same hiding spot. He tells me he moved it, and whatever, I was annoyed but kinda let it go. Fast forward to last weekend, when he says he wants to take our two kids and myself to the movies for a family night.”

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But she didn’t think the family trip made sense because they were running low on cash.

“He’s hyping the kids up and telling them we’re going, but then I say, well, we don’t really have the money for it since we don’t have a lot atm, unless he wanted to go into the savings you have hidden somewhere where I don’t know,” she explained. “Kinda making a grab at him for not telling me where he hid it. He blows up on me and says, you wanna know what I did with that money? He goes and gets an engagement ring and throws it at me. That’s where the money went. Says after a couple stressful weeks, he wanted to go out as a family and do something nice, and I ruined it. And then he says I ruined the biggest surprise of my life and tells me that I have no trust in him with our finances.

“How was I supposed to know that he was planning to buy a ring for me with that money? He thinks I’m the only bad guy in this situation ’cause I asked him where this money was when all I was doing is suggesting to use some of it and replace it. ‘Cause I had no idea it was all used to begin with. We haven’t really been talking this week, and if we do, it just turns into a fight again. We’ve been together for 10 years now and have two kids together. So did I really ruin my own engagement if I had no idea it was coming? Any advice on what I can do if everything really is all my fault?”

Redditors agreed that the boyfriend was acting strangely.

“That seems like a weird and extremely aggressive reaction to wanting to know where your mutual savings disappeared to,” someone wrote.

“Communication doesn’t seem to be a strong suit for either of you in this relationship,” another said.

“This doesn’t sound like a healthy or stable relationship,” a person commented.

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