Godzilla vs Kong can't have Godzilla losing to King Kong
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It’s an age-old question: what would win in a fight between a giant lizard and a giant gorilla? When Legendary Pictures' Godzilla vs Kong arrives this March (potentially), we'll once again have an answer to that. Or will we?
Of course, this isn't the first time the titanic monsters have clashed. In Toho's 1962 original, featuring two incredibly tall actors in costumes, it was King Kong who emerged victorious after an off-screen battle in the sea.
At the time, this result was disputed by many due to the film's ambiguous ending, but an official synopsis from Toho later confirmed the massive ape as the winner.
For Godzilla fans, this was especially hard to swallow, considering the kaiju king can belch an atomic beam, has regenerative powers and radiates nuclear energy in a way most people would probably consider dangerous.
To get around this colossal imbalance, the Toho original imbued Kong with the ability to absorb lightning and zap it out of his hands, like the definitely dead Emperor Palpatine. A bit ridiculous, but there's no room for realism in a movie about a massive lizard and gorilla slapping each other around a model city.
"One will fall" claims the poster tagline for the new film. And yes, King Kong won the battle of the monsters before, but there's an important reason why he can't – or shouldn't – win again. And it has nothing to do their respective abilities or physical attributes.
The simple fact is, due to the way this new MonsterVerse has repainted its characterisation of Godzilla, the world just can't afford for the giant reptile to die.
Unlike the Toho original and other previous incarnations, Godzilla is no longer seen as the villain. Sure, he causes a lot of collateral damage and probably isn't too fussed if he accidentally steps on a few thousand tourists, but he's now pitched as a key element in the balance of nature, protecting the planet from other monstrous threats like three-headed alien dragons and Charles Dance.
Of course, Godzilla has played the hero in the past, most notably in the Showa-era films, when he first came up against Ghidorah in 1964, but even then he wasn't depicted as a peacekeeping entity, who quite literally behaves like benevolent a god.
At least in Japan, Godzilla was originally an expression of the fear of radiation and nuclear weapons testing. From cyborgs to black holes, humans came up with all manner of elaborate schemes to try and stop his destructive rampages.
In this new Monsterverse, however, humanity actually needs him to fend off the problems they can’t deal with, like, say, a massive gorilla.
This new version of Kong isn't depicted as a villain either – he loves blondes for a start, and Skull Island made it perfectly clear that he’ll mind his own business if you don't piss him off – but the chances of him tiptoeing around buildings and generally not going apeshit seems highly improbable.
It could be argued that, if King Kong were to win, he could take Godzilla's place as the King of the Monsters and become the sole MUTO (Massive Unidentified Terrestrial Organism) kaiju quasher. But again, Godzilla seems to hold a greater responsibility for maintaining the balance of nature, and at least he can slither back to the bottom of the ocean when he's done.
Even if we do take their abilities and physical attributes into consideration, it's quite obvious that Godzilla is better equipped to deal with any type of enemy.
To make it an even-ish fight, Kong has conveniently grown from his measly 50ft stature to match the lizard's neck-aching height of just under 400ft (it turns out the ape was just an adolescent in Skull Island). But can he shoot a shockwave-flapping monster out of the sky? Nah, mate.
So regardless of Godzilla vs Kong's official tagline, the chances are we already know how this one will end, not with one falling but in a big fat draw.
While neither creature can really be seen as the enemy here, and Legendary is likely to want a few more sequels out of them yet, it would be surprising to see either one of them snuff it.
You can rest assured, however, that the true villain of the piece will be us, as the synopsis details how Earth's worst humans will devise a plan to eradicate all the Titans, "both good and bad".
Perhaps Godzilla and Kong should just team up and pummel us out of existence.
Godzilla vs Kong will premiere in cinemas and on HBO Max on March 26 in the US, with a UK release date to be confirmed. Godzilla: King of the Monsters is available now on Blu-ray, DVD and 4K.
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