Whitley's Believe It Or Not: Attention Kooks. Damar Hamlin is alive, but Bigfoot is not

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The NFL, the Beatles and Bigfoot don’t have a lot in common. But thanks to an outbreak of kookiness, they can all relate to the disturbing news about Damar Hamlin.

Like Paul McCartney, he’s dead. Like Bigfoot, a lot of people believe such fake news. And the NFL Illuminati is behind it all.

According to the “Damar is Dead” conspiracy theory, the Buffalo Bills' safety dropped dead from a COVID-19 vaccine during that “Monday Night Football” game in Cincinnati.

He’s been replaced by a body double, like the Beatles replaced McCartney after he was killed in a car crash in 1966. The NFL is covering everything up because it’s in bed with Pfizer.

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“That’s stupid,” Bills quarterback Josh Allen said on Kyle Brandt’s podcast.

Of course it is. But that’s never stopped hardcore conspiracy theorists.

I understand the skepticism over anything the CDC says. But if you want to persuade the public, it’s best not to do it while wearing a tinfoil hat and telling people to believe in ghosts.

This particular coverup would require the cooperation of hundreds of people, from Hamlin’s teammates to medical staffs at two hospitals to his family.

Hamlin posted a six-minute video over the weekend, recounting his tale and thanking people for all the support. Naturally, the kooks said it was a computer-generated fake.

Like everybody, I hope Hamlin makes a complete recovery and starts again for the Bills. If he takes off his helmet and is actually Elvis, I’ll gladly apologize to all the conspiracy kooks…

Jan 25, 2023; Melbourne, Victoria, Australia; Ben Shelton from the United States after his quarter final match against Tommy Paul from the United States on day ten of the 2023 Australian Open tennis tournament at Melbourne Park. Mandatory Credit: Mike Frey-USA TODAY Sports
Jan 25, 2023; Melbourne, Victoria, Australia; Ben Shelton from the United States after his quarter final match against Tommy Paul from the United States on day ten of the 2023 Australian Open tennis tournament at Melbourne Park. Mandatory Credit: Mike Frey-USA TODAY Sports

Stud: Ben Shelton, who jumped from No. 89 to No. 44 in the world after making the quarterfinals of the Australian Open. Last year’s NCAA champ at Florida is the third-youngest player in the top 100.

Stud II: Novak Djokovic. A year after being banned for being vaxxed, the third-oldest player in the top 100 reclaimed his No. 1 ranking by winning the Aussie Open for his 22nd Grand Slam title.

Dud of the Week: Cincinnati Mayor Aftab Pureval, who posted a video saying Patrick Mahomes needed to take a paternity test to determine if Joe Burrow is his daddy. The results came in Sunday at Arrowhead Stadium. They were negative …

Dud II: The U.S. vaccination policy that prevents Djokovic from playing here, and any policy-maker who thinks he poses a threat to America's health.

Dud III: Stetson Bennett IV, who was arrested for public intoxication at 6 a.m. Sunday when Dallas police responded to reports of a man banging on doors at an apartment complex. I’m starting to think that really was a body double playing QB (maybe Eli Manning/Chad Powers) for Georgia the past two years, and wondering if the real Stetson Bennett IV is now on the loose …

An internal audit found that LSU accidentally overpaid football coach Brian Kelly $1 million during the first year of his 10-year, $100-million contract. Call me Old School, but I sort of miss the days when coaches were so poorly paid, they noticed an extra $1 million in their checking accounts …

Jerry Springer was once mayor of Cincinnati. NFL rules should prohibit any city that had Jerry Springer as mayor to troll any other city. Not even Jacksonville …

Tua Tagovailoa remains in concussion protocol and will not participate in this week’s Pro Bowl Games. The “Games” consist of flag football, a long-drive contest, catching water balloons and other picnic activities. I’m no neurologist, but if your QB is still too woozy to toss water balloons a month after getting injured, it might be time to trade for Aaron Rodgers …

Jimbo Fisher also overpaid last season

An internal audit found that Texas A&M overpaid Jimbo Fisher $9 million last season …

In the latest attempt to whitewash its authoritarian image, the UAE paid Beyonce $24 million to perform a one-hour concert last week in Dubai. Phil Mickelson immediately demanded the Saudi-based LIV Tour raise his salary to $25 million per tournament …

Breaking News: Brian Kelly has found $430,000 in cash, two cheerleaders and a large bowl of gumbo stuffed between the cushions of the couch Ed Orgeron left in the LSU coach’s office …

Protest of the Week: LeBron James was mauled while attempting a game-winning shot against Boston. No foul was called, so Lakers guard Patrick Beverly grabbed a photographer’s camera and pulled up a photo showing Jayson Tatum hacking James.

Beverly showed it to the refs, who said James was fouled by a second Celtic who was standing on a grassy knoll, so it didn't count. They then gave Beverly a technical foul and turned him over to the CIA ...

Speaking of the Lakers, if you play James’ recent post-game interviews backward, you can hear “Our playoff chances are dead.”…

This Just In: Beyonce has signed with the LIV Tour and will make her debut March 31 in Orlando, where she has been installed as a 3-1 favorite …

That’s about all the space we have for this week’s Whitley’s Believe It or Not. Till next time, I hope your employer accidentally overpays you $1 million and nobody notices.

David Whitley is The Gainesville Sun's sports columnist. Contact him at dwhitley@gannett.com. Follow him on Twitter @DavidEWhitley

This article originally appeared on The Gainesville Sun: Conspiracy kooks refuse to believe Buffalo Bills' Damar Hamlin is alive