I went on a quest for the best hot dog in metro Phoenix. What I learned eating 17 dogs

I don’t really know anything about food, which is probably why I like hot dogs so much.

I understand that they are not haute cuisine and, despite the efforts of some chefs to trick them out or “elevate” them (ugh), they probably shouldn’t be. On the other hand, they’re a blank slate — ready for an endless variety of toppings and buns and breads. They can be anything, for anyone.

I’m ingredient agnostic — beef, pork, a blend, whatever. I really don’t want to know what’s in them anyway because I worry the rumors are true. And I don’t hold one method of cooking them above another. Grill them, fry them, air fry them, boil them, broil them, microwave them, do whatever you’ve got to do. Heat and serve, as the instructions on a can of green beans might say.

All I know is that I like them, a lot.

I suppose hot dogs are a version of comfort food. Most of us first eat them when we’re kids, so they evoke a lot of memories. I’ve written several times about my all-time favorite, a footlong with everything from Hank’s Hot Dogs, a drive-in just outside my hometown of Radford, Virginia.

Maybe it was some sort of combination of genuinely liking hot dogs and the complicated memories of a Hank’s footlong that sent me on my quixotic journey to find the best hot dog in metro Phoenix. (With a stop in Tucson.)

From Ted's to Costco, I ate 17 hot dogs. And no, I didn't power rank them

This is not a typical top 10 list. And it was never meant to be.

For one thing, there aren’t 10 hot dogs on it. There are 17. And I didn’t rank them. Also, I didn’t have a bad hot dog, because there really isn’t such a thing. Some were better than others, certainly. Maybe I caught one place on a bad day, another on a good one. I didn’t abide by the traditional eat-three-times rule of reviewing a restaurant because, you know, I do have my health to think about.

Also, there were no ground rules, no uniform method to my madness. I didn’t order a chili dog at every place. If a restaurant was known for a Chicago dog, that’s what I got. A Sonoran dog joint? I’ll have one, thanks.

The point was never to list things in order, but to try to get back to that possibly mythical place I was in when my grandmother boiled a hot dog, slid it into a Rainbo bread bun, topped it with mustard, ketchup and diced onions and called it lunch.

I don’t know that I really found that, or if I could. But I had a hell of a time trying.

Where does one begin a hot dog quest in metro Phoenix?

Before I started my quest, I reached out on social media and to family and friends, looking for suggestions. I started and ended with the two most recommended spots: Ted’s Hot Dogs and Costco. Which is a pretty good framing device: a local favorite (I know, there’s a Ted’s in Buffalo, but still) and a chain known, at least in this case, for providing a lot of bang for your buck. (Or your buck-50.) The alpha and omega of Phoenix hot dogs.

So first things first. Ted’s grills its dogs over charcoal, right there in the restaurant. I had a footlong (I was hungry) with mustard, ketchup, relish, celery salt and Ted’s Hot Sauce. It was tasty — a crisp dog, as those who write about hot dogs seem to say. It also established a good baseline for the rest of the journey. No frills, just a good hot dog with classic ingredients. I like that.

Sonoran dogs are an Arizona tradition

I also like a big mess of a hot dog, which is why, despite initially believing the ingredients wouldn’t mesh, I love Sonoran dogs. Good thing, because if there’s one hot dog associated with Arizona, it’s the Sonoran dog. Ingredients occasionally vary, but typically it’s a bacon-wrapped hot dog on bolillo with mustard, mayonnaise, beans, onions and jalapeño sauce. Good, and good for you!

Or not. Whatever the case, they’re great. I tried one at the James Beard Award-winning El Guero Canelo (the east Tucson location; I went a little far afield for this). Not surprisingly, it was really good. Yet so was the one I had at El Sabroso Hot Dogs in Phoenix — no James Beard winner, perhaps, but maybe even tastier. I also had an excellent Sonoran dog at an unexpected place, which I’ll get to in a moment.

New dog in town: Family-owned Phoenix food truck has stellar tacos, ceviche and a perfect Sonoran dog

Chicago dogs are an adopted Arizona favorite

If the Sonoran dog is an Arizona tradition, the Chicago dog is an adopted favorite. There are so many Chicago transplants in Phoenix, there’s more Chicago dog joints than cactus at South Mountain. The ingredients DO NOT VARY: an all-beef hot dog on a poppy-seed bun, with yellow mustard, neon-green relish, tomato slices, diced onions, dill pickle spear, sport peppers and celery salt.

You want ketchup? Why not kick a kid in the shins? You’ll get the same reaction.

A sentimental favorite for me is always going to be Chicago Hamburger Company, which is near where we took my children to the pediatrician when they were little. No matter how sick they were, we always stopped by afterward. (I’m just that good a parent.) I went for the Chicago dog there, naturally, and if crispy fries were included, who am I to argue? (My kids used to dip the fries into a chocolate milkshake. But even I have limits.) On the wistful, make-you-feel-at-home front, that’s hard to beat.

I also had a Chicago dog at Luke’s of Chicago. As with Chicago Hamburger Company, I figure if the type of hot dog is included in the name of the place, that’s what you go for. The Luke’s dog was also good (though I am NOT a fan of crinkle-cut fries, but that’s another story).

I had Chicago dogs at several places — one from Secret Dogs, a hot dog cart in downtown Phoenix with no set location, was excellent. So was one from Jimmy’s Hot Dogs, which has excellent versatility; the Sonoran dog there was also really good, and different. The way it was put together, you couldn’t see all the ingredients, which were neatly tucked under the guacamole sauce, but you could certainly taste them.

I know this is not a popular opinion, but I found Portillo’s fine, nothing more. Yeah, yeah, I might as well have asked for ketchup. But the chunks of tomato were way too big, which threw the ratio off (which is exactly what Jimmy’s got just right). So sue me. (That is just a saying, Mr. and Mrs. Portillo. Please do not.)

When in Detroit. ..

I had some other types, too. The Detroit Coney from Detroit Coney Grill — chili, mustard and onions on a steamed bun — was quite good, though I’m probably bumping it up a little because, when I asked the man working the register if there was one he recommended, he said, “Well, we’re called Detroit Coney Grill, so. …”

Life, death and relish: What a hot dog means

A world of humble and haute dogs

The Magnolia dog at Sweet Magnolia Smokehouse is a smoked dog (yay) swamped with pulled pork and barbecue sauce. It was excellent, but I’m not sure you’d call it a hot dog — it was in there somewhere, but the pulled pork overwhelmed it. Which is not a complaint, just an observation.

Short Leash Hot Dogs is a big favorite among people who travel in hot-dog circles. Their deal is putting their hot dogs and ingredients on naan, instead of a bun. Which is, you know, a little weird. When I asked what’s the one to get there, I was told to order the Bear: peanut butter, smoked gouda, bacon, barbecue sauce and cracker jacks. To which I responded, no thank you. I got the Lady — chipotle cream cheese, sautéed onions and fried pickles. It was really good, but despite the presence of a Frankfurter I’m not sure you can call it a hot dog.

I made a tactical error at Cold Beers & Cheeseburgers — I got a dog with cheese. They don’t need it. But if that’s true, why did I like the T-Dog at the 4th Avenue Deli in Tucson so much? It combines bacon, shredded cheddar, fried onion, jalapeño and spicy T-Town mayo, whatever that is. It’s good, I know that. Even with the cheese.

In general, I’m not opposed to mixing it up. The Downtown at Dog Haus (the name calls to mind the umlaut over the N in Spinal Tap) — smoked bacon, caramelized onions, pickled peppers, mustard, mayonnaise and ketchup — was a lot, which is probably why I liked it so much. At Five Guys they split the dog and grill it on a flat-top grill. It was excellent.

After 17 hot dogs, I ended up where I started

But sometimes it’s good to get back to basics, which is how I landed at Costco, with a straight-up hot dog with mustard, ketchup and relish (along with two pairs of shorts, some beef jerky, a gross of toothbrushes and toothpaste and enough paper towels and toilet paper to survive the apocalypse).

So in some ways, I ended up where I started — eating a hot dog not a lot different from the ones I grew up eating. I’m reluctant to read too much into it, but maybe that’s the point. Dress them up, trick them out, whatever. They’re just hot dogs.

But they’re also a link to your whole life if you’re like me. You don’t want one every day (especially not after having 17), but it’s nice to know they’re there if you need them. Along with what they remind you of. Proust had his madeleine, I’ve got my footlong with everything. We both end up happy.

Some of the best hot dogs in metro Phoenix

Follow in my footsteps and explore a world of hot dogs in metro Phoenix. Here's where I went:

Ted's Hot Dogs

Footlong hot dog ($6.09).

Details: 1755 E. Broadway Road, Tempe. 480-968-6678, tedshotdogs.com.

El Guero Canelo

Estilo Sonora ($4).

Details: Various locations in Tucson and Phoenix. 520-882-8977, elguerocanelo.com.

El Sabroso Restaurant

Hog dog Sonora Special ($5).

Details: 4216 W. Indian School Road, Phoenix. 480-760-3127, elsabrosohotdogs.com.

Chicago Hamburger Company

Chicago dog ($7.95).

Details: 3749 E. Indian School Road, Phoenix. 602-955-4137, chicagohamburger.com.

Luke's of Chicago

Chicago dog ($8.75).

Details: 1602 E. Indian School Road, Phoenix. 602-264-4022, lukesofchicago.com.

Jimmy's Hot Dogs

Chicago dog ($3.65), Sonoran dog ($5.75).

Details: 4022 E. Broadway Road # 101, Phoenix. 602-759-8357, instagram.com/jimmyshotdogs.

Portillo's

Chicago dog ($3.99).

Details: Various locations throughout the Valley. 480-967-7988, portillo's.com.

Detroit Coney Grill

Detroit Coney ($5.85).

Details: 6953 N. Hayden Road, Scottsdale. 480-597-4300, detroitconeygrill.com.

Sweet Magnolia Smokehouse

Magnolia link ($12).

Details: 4929 E. Chandler Blvd., Suite 405, Phoenix. 623-221-2608, sweetmagnoliasmokehouse.com.

Short Leash Hot Dogs

The Lady ($10).

Details: 4221 N. Seventh Ave., Phoenix. 602-795-2193, shortleashhotdogs.com.

Cold Beer and Cheeseburgers

Deep South dog ($14.50).

Details: Various locations in the Valley. 480-590-6502, coldbeers.com/cheeseburgers.

4th Avenue Deli

T-Dog ($6.25).

Details: 425 N. 4th Ave., Tucson. 520-624-3354, 4thavedelic.com.

Dog Haus

Downtown ($9.49).

Details: Various locations in the Valley. 480-621-6603, doghaus.com.

Costco

Hot dog and drink ($1.50).

Details: Various locations nationwide. 480-496-6651, costo.com.

Reach Goodykoontz at bill.goodykoontz@arizonarepublic.com. Facebook: facebook.com/GoodyOnFilm. X: @goodyk. Subscribe to the weekly movies newsletter.

Subscribe to azcentral.com today. What are you waiting for?

This article originally appeared on Arizona Republic: Best hot dog in Phoenix? From Ted's to Costco, I tried 17 to find out