Hello again, Housewives faithful! This felt like a breather week across the board, the tense space between dramas ending and new ones beginning. On The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Cynthia's wedding approaches and the ladies try to put South Carolina in their rearview, though their archnemeses the blogs won't let them. For The Real Housewives of Dallas, the Austin trip ended on a slightly sour note, so everyone prepares themselves for D'Andra's healing ritual. And The Real Housewives of New Jersey saw separate rumors about Jackie and Melissa's husbands pick up steam, then get shut down — even if temporarily. Here are the best, worst, and wildest moments from this week in 'wives!
HIGH POINT: Everyone else, RHOD
After all that time trapped in that big house in Austin with just the 'wives and Patsy Cline the Chicken, it was a relief to get back to real life in Dallas and all the side characters we'd missed. Here's to Brandi's husband Bryan, who immediately had the correct perspective on his wife's awful behavior towards Tiffany, and to Tiffany's husband Daniel, the only person she can really open up to. It certainly was something, as always, to see Mama Dee, who I was delighted to learn loves to accuse people of being jealous. Shoutout to Kary's daughter Olivia, roasting her mom even as she admits to how much she takes after her, and to D'Andra's husband Jeremy, who reminded us again how madly in love he is with his wife. The greatest cameo of the episode, however, had to be Darrin, everyone's favorite hairstylist-shaman. Where do I find one of those?
LOW POINT: Margaret's memory, RHONJ
The fact that Margaret told this story from her 20s — that she was sexually pressured by her first-ever boss and didn't know what to do in the situation, so slept with him — is not the low point of the week; I sincerely applaud Margaret for sharing it, and for her clear-eyed perspective on it. The low point is of course that it happened, and also that the story is so totally common and mediocre that in the moment I mostly just felt relief that she wasn't assaulted or visibly traumatized. The low point is also Jennifer, judging her for opening up by saying in a confessional, "there are some things that you take to the grave." People thinking these stories should go with them to the grave is so much of why these stories are still able to happen unchecked! Ugh, the patriarchy is always the low point, am I right?
WILDEST MOMENT: Marlo's Harvest, RHOA
First of all, the name of this event alone is a clear signal that it's going to be something bizarre and undefinable (with a seasonal twist). Everyone shows up and is all aflutter over Page Six reporting the gossip from their weekend at Bolo's. Kenya says in a confessional, "we make front-page news all the time," which made me laugh because there was plenty of utterly harrowing news to claim front pages back in October 2020, though I know we're talking specifically about a gossip site (though one technically titled Page Six, which by most numerical systems would indicate stories appearing five pages after the front one, but I digress). Anyway, the harvest continues with some pumpkin catapults and some fairly pointless debates, mostly over old dramas and mostly involving Drew. Meanwhile, Cynthia is trapped in a bridal shop and Porsha drives through Narnia (?) for no reason, but I can't even blame her. I'd take a highway view of an outlet mall over Marlo's Harvest any day.
👑 QUEEN OF THE WEEK 👑 Tiffany, RHOD — yes, for the second week in a row! She deserves it!
RED FLAG: "This is how we operate. We don't sit down and talk. We walk away, we defrost, and then we come back. We're not married; we can do that." — Dolores, on her relationship with David
BEST EDITING: Our friends the RHOA editors take this home this week for the whole episode, during which they made sure to add critical context of whose meal cost what (Kenya's was more) when Drew and Kenya argued over whether to split the bill; screenshots of comments speculating Kandi was one of the ladies who got to know Bolo that night; and this very helpful map of Porsha's route when she missed out on the Harvest.
BEST BURN: Brandi's daughter calling her a Karen, RHOD
I'M NOT CRYING, YOU'RE CRYING: …at the montage of classic RHONJ moments in the Giudice home, as Teresa prepares to put it on the market.