The Vampire Diaries recap: The One With the Motel

Honestly, how great is an episode when sex in the Lockwood cellar isn’t the highlight? As you can guess from the title of this recap (why pretend that’s not how we’ll be referring to this episode for seasons to come?), the motel is where I’m gonna start. Truly, I’m concerned that I somehow took over the body of the director while they were filming Elena ogling Damon. Not because I’m a Delena fan. (I’m admittedly fickle, supporting whoever is closest to having a steamy scene with Elena at any given moment.) But because it took… its… time. You want a full body scan, starting at his feet and heading north? Enjoy. No need to pause, that camera will linger right where you want it to. (Informal poll: Damon is somehow sexier with his shirt hanging open than when he’s totally shirtless?) It was purposely gratuitous, and therefore, you didn’t have to feel guilty. You could just be giddy, like you were seeing a movie you watched incessantly as a teen — cough, The Pirate Movie with Christopher Atkins — but suddenly, you were able to control the camera and call the shots. A little to the left. Now stop. Hold. And so on. That’s what made the scene so perfect: Elena is a teen, giving herself permission to look at him for the first time. She would want an eyeful. Let’s dig in.

Okay, first, let’s watch this again.

I’ll back up so as to not mortify myself further until Page 2. Alaric began the hour locked in the Salvatore house cellar. Elena brought him the basics: toothbrush, clothes, boring books to help him sleep, and hopefully another shirt that shows just a hint of chest hair in his heavage but not a razor. The stubble looks great in HD. Elena told Alaric she was going to Denver with Damon to check on Jeremy because Stefan encouraged her to use the trip to explore her unresolved feelings for Damon. Meanwhile, Stefan would stay home and try to get Evilaric to come out and play and reveal where he hid the missing stake. Damon had his doubts that Good Stefan was up to the challenge. But I guess it had to be Damon to go to Denver with Elena because he has the connection to Rose, and that was their real mission: Get Jeremy to contact Rose and find out from which Original’s bloodline she, and therefore Katherine and the Salvatore brothers, stem.

Sticking with these story lines, Alaric couldn’t fall asleep reading Moby Dick, so Stefan brought down a bottle of booze since they’re on a time crunch. Klaus would only wait so long for Stefan to deliver the final two stakes. Alaric didn’t get sleepy. The boys just got chatty. Stefan explained why he wants Elena to explore her feelings for Damon: Even if Stefan fights his blood lust and regains control of his life to win Elena back, it means nothing if she has feelings for someone else.

In Denver, Damon and Elena found Jeremy at the batting cages. (“Next time we compel him, remind me to make him better at baseball,” Damon quipped.) The friend Jeremy was meeting turned out to be Kol, who broke a wooden bat by hitting a home run on Damon’s head. When Kol went to switch to an aluminum bat, Damon took the resulting stake (convenient!) and stabbed him. It gave them time to get away… to a motel on the corner of somewhere and nowhere that has a green-screen view of the Rocky Mountains.

Jeremy brings out the best in Damon’s dialogue. Jeremy had no idea Kol was a vampire, let alone an Original. “Didn’t you find it weird that you made a friend so fast? Have you met you?” Damon asked. Inside their room, Jeremy got comfortable, taking off his hoodie so we could admire his biceps. It’s good to have them him back. “Come on, Rose, you’re not gonna actually make us wait, are ya? I know you’re obsessed with me,” Damon offered, trying to summon her. Jeremy needed Damon to tell him about her — and not what she could do with her tongue. He told Jeremy and Elena that Rose had spent her last day with him in paradise, soaking up the sun and reminiscing about what it means to be human. When death came, she didn’t fear it. Elena said she was there for the end of Rose’s life, and it wasn’t paradise. It was in the dream Damon gave Rose, Jeremy said. Rose was there. AHHH.

NEXT: Series-wide epicness

Rose isn’t in lonely limbo like Anna and Vicki had been. No longer having to hide from Klaus, she’s enjoying her freedom on the other side and doing whatever she wants. Damon wanted to know if she’s still hot. Rose wanted Jeremy to tell him he’s still “dripping with sex.” She also wanted him to tell Damon that she’s rooting for him and Elena, which confused Jeremy opted to paraphrase as she misses Elena, too. Rose wasn’t sired by an Original, it was someone named Mary Porter, or “Scary Mary” as Damon called her. Rose told Jeremy to have them sit tight and relax. She’d see what she can find out about Mary’s location.

Back at Salvatore cellar, Stefan assumed they had Jeremy by now. He hadn’t heard from Damon and Elena yet, presumably because he was in a cellar with no cell signal. He and Alaric had more talking time, which gave me an opportunity to appreciate Stefan’s V-neck. The real point of the scene was making us understand that even though Good Alaric isn’t compelled or possessed when he becomes Evilaric, Evilaric is not him. It’s just the darkest parts of him.

Klaus had let himself in and popped down to cellar at that moment. He’d found the one stake upstairs and was prepared to kill Alaric if he didn’t tell him where the other was. Stefan told Klaus about an entire bloodline dying if an Original goes bye-bye. Since he doesn’t know which one he’s descended from, they now have the same mission, Stefan said: find the stake and destroy it. Sorta true. Klaus broke Alaric’s neck… Perhaps he’d wake up Evilaric now.

Damon and Stefan finally gave each other an update. Stefan was silently jealous about Damon and Elena being in a hotel room, and I actually wrote, “WITH JEREMY, Stefan. All good!” in my notes. Even though Julie Plec had said some “series-wide epicness” would go down in this hour, and that the director and DP had worked hard to make the dive motel that they called Crack Alley “sexy,” I was as clueless as Jeremy as to what was about to happen. At first I thought it was early morning that Damon emerged, shirtless, to eventually halfway clothe his upper body and pour himself a drink. But I guess it was night and the outdoor motel lights were just bright? Finally, Damon caught Elena, who was supposed to be sleeping in her bed, eying him. She closed her eyes, and his lips thought about forming a smile but didn’t, which I thought was a great call. We didn’t want to feel like Damon knew what was going to happen. It would have cheapened it to think he was plotting. She opened her eyes and held his stare. He got up and started to slowly walk over to her, and somehow, and I’ve never done this before, I ended up biting my remote so I wouldn’t squeal like a 13-year-old. He crawled into bed, silent. Again, it hit just the right note. He didn’t know what kind of move he was making. He put his arm behind his head and waited for her to speak as the Epicness Theme played. She said he never told her what he’d done for Rose on her final day. “Why don’t you let people see the good in you?” she asked. That shot looking at his face, you know the one, I definitely directed that. “Because when people see good, they expect good,” he said. “And I don’t want to have to live up to anyone’s expectations.”

Now here’s my only problem with this scene: I’m thinking that’s a deal breaker. To me, that statement translates to “You can’t count on me.” That’s why you go with a guy like Stefan. (UPDATE: In the comments, a reader says she interpreted that as more of a I’m not the perfect man, take me or leave me comment. He won’t agree with Elena just because she wants him to. That’s what Rose says later. I suppose at that point, I was still thinking of Damon as the Damon who lashes out. So if he says he’s not always going to be good, I’m thinking the bad is really bad, and not just him slipping Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde into Alaric’s reading list bad. I guess that’s what Damon meant later in the episode: He’s not going to lash out and go BIG BAD again. Though isn’t being willing to kill Klaus when you know it will kill reformed Tyler kinda BAD?) Regardless, Elena was absolutely breathless. She looked away from him, but their hands touched. They looked at each other, and she had to get up and go outside. Damon followed her out, his shirt still open, obviously, which was just cruel in the best possible way. “Don’t,” Elena said. “Why not?” he asked. Maybe it was the sudden breeze, but when he said, “Elena,” she turned and just kissed him. I swear the lights flickered, it was so hot. My notes: “Up against the wall. My god.” Jawdropping.

During the commercial, were you asking yourself if it was a dream? I mean, it didn’t look like one, but it also didn’t look like they were going to stop anytime soon — and I knew we weren’t ready to go there. We returned to a massive makeout session. Luckily, it was interrupted by Jeremy coming to tell them Rose had found Mary’s address in Kansas. Question: If Rose can go anywhere she wants and is rooting for Damon and Elena, why wouldn’t she have seen them making out and WAITED? I mean, I know why: Damon and Elena needed to be stopped. We needed to swoon, but still be left with something to look forward to.

NEXT: Rose ignites a war between the clans of Delena and Stelena

Alaric woke up from his death nap, still himself. He took off his ring and said Stefan had to try to kill him so Evilaric would feel threatened and come out and defend himself. Punch.

Damon, Elena, and Jeremy arrived at Mary’s Kansas address, which Damon likened to an episode of Vampire Hoarders. Mary is really old and supercreepy, he said. But of course he’d slept with her. “I said creepy, not ugly,” he told Elena. I’m not sure why Damon took Elena into a “supercreepy” vampire’s home since Mary probably didn’t have Klaus’ order not to kill Elena. I guess so Elena wouldn’t be stuck alone with Jeremy, because then they would have had to talk about why she was making out with Damon. Mary had a stake in her. “Quite contrary,” Kol said. He was sitting in wait with a bat.

Alaric, meanwhile, finally started bleeding. Stefan began to vamp out and stopped himself. Alaric said Stefan was gonna have to really want to kill him for him to believe it. When Stefan grunts, you know he means it. He had to tap into his dark side if he wanted answers from Alaric’s dark side. GET IT? Stefan shoved him, and out popped Evilaric using his dick voice. “You’re so weak. Look at you. One of nature’s most hideous creatures, and you can’t even get that right,” Evilaric said. “You,” Stefan said. “Me,” Evilaric said. Evilaric must love cheesy ’80s movie villains.

Kol told Damon and Elena that Mary had been an Original groupie. She could have been turned by any of them. Klaus had told Kol about Damon and Stefan needing to know which Original is at the end of their bloodline. With Mary gone, they never will. (Unless Mary told a friend or journaled?) Kol began taking swings at Damon. Damon told Elena to run. Kol said Klaus insists she’s still off-limits but she shouldn’t test him. He shoved her, and Damon told him not to touch her. Kol wasn’t going to kill Damon. He just wanted to humiliate him like Damon had him, so he beat him some more in front of Elena. Damon eventually had to snap his broken arm back into place. Ouch. Elena’s head was bleeding. Maybe it knocked some sense into her, I thought. She pulled away from Damon when he showed concern. Damon asked her what the trip and the kiss were really about. She said Stefan thinks she has feelings for him. Does she? “I don’t know.” That probably hurt worse than the arm. Damon now knew what was happening: Elena was hoping he’d screw up on the trip and make the decision easy on her. He self-sabotages all the time, she said. Every time they hit a bump in the road, he lashes out. Not this time. She’d have to make a choice herself. He wouldn’t take himself out of the competition. So he’s not living up to her expectation that he’d be a dick. Instead, he’s living up to her expectation that he be good. Tricky. But I’ll go with it.

That car ride home must have been awkward. Damon and Elena weren’t talking, and there was no music playing. But at least Jeremy had Rose there to entertain him. She didn’t want him to tell Damon and Elena she was there. She just wanted to talk to Jeremy. She told him Damon and Elena had a fight. She knew he wanted to protect Elena from Damon, but Jeremy’s young, she said. He doesn’t see that while Elena makes Damon a better person, Damon changes her, too. Damon challenges Elena, surprises her. He makes her question her life and beliefs, Rose said. Stefan’s love is pure: he’ll always be good for her. Damon, on the other hand, is either the best thing for her or the worst, Rose continued. Wow. I wonder how many revisions that speech went through. It cuts right to the core of it. I’m sure Delena fans will interpret that as “She’d be settling for Stefan.” And Stelena fans will say, “Damon’s not worth the risk when happiness is guaranteed with Stefan. That’s what you learn with age.”

Back in Salvatore cellar, Stefan finally threatened to tear off Evilaric’s head, and he talked: The missing stake is in the cave, where no vampire can get it. Klaus and Rebekah heard everything upstairs. Now obviously, Klaus should have gone with Rebekah since this is an important task — retrieving the weapon that can kill them. But Rebekah went on the mission with Alaric alone. Klaus had to stay back so Stefan had someone to share his revelation with: Now that he’s accepted that his dark side won’t go away, it can’t control him. And neither can Klaus, who hadn’t killed Stefan yet because he’d been waiting for the Ripper to resurface. Stefan told Klaus to either stake him or get the hell out of his house. (Or, sit there, smirk, and finish your drink.)

NEXT: Are we going with Rebesther?

At the cave, Alaric of course wasn’t going to give Rebekah the one thing that’s making them all keep him alive. He wanted to bargain before he exited. If she helps him, he’ll make sure she’s not the Original who gets staked, he said. One problem: She doesn’t want one of them dead, she wants all of them gone. She stepped inside the cave. What? She’s Esther.

Now if you’re someone who hasn’t watched this episode, you’re seriously confused right now. If you did watch the episode, you’re only mildly confused. I know Klaus possessed Alaric’s body through a blood transfusion spell, so is that something we missed offscreen, or does Esther have another way to possess someone? Here’s what we saw happen earlier in the episode: Esther had shown up at Klaus’ mansion to tell Rebekah that she was dying. Because, you know, Rebekah couldn’t enjoy, for more than a second, that Matt had given her a ride home. (Then again, he was just faking being gentlemanly so he and his killer blue Henley would keep her occupied planning the Roaring ’20s Decade Dance we’ll see next week so Caroline could slip off and reunite with Tyler.)

Esther told Rebekah that when Abby died, her connection to the Bennett witch line was severed. The spell that preserved her body was weakening, so she was dying. Esther said she’d always been with Rebekah, watching her fights with Klaus and crying herself to sleep. So then why did she try to kill her, Rebekah asked. Because no one should be alive for 1,000 years. I thought it was strange when Esther took Rebekah’s hands, apologized, started to shake, and dropped dead. It was quick, even for this show. I noted the weird look on Rebekah’s face when Klaus entered but didn’t have time to process it. Esther had been apologizing for what she was about to do. Is it sick that I’m hoping we get to see a fun scene of Esther flirting with Matt, Freaky Friday style?

Last but not least (that’d be Bonnie!), we get to Caroline. She’d had Matt fake a fight over Rebekah moving in on her dance committee duties so she could have the day to do something… Tyler! Who else got chills when they saw each other in the woods? “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” But let this hot kiss show you! Oh, more mortification. Even before they reached their destination, I wrote “Do it in the cellar!!!” in my notes. “Wall! Off came the shirt. Bra-vo. Worth. The. Wait.”

Next we saw them, they were resting postcoital in sleeping bags. They apparently took the time to light candles around the cellar. I believe they’d put down sleeping bags and pillows for comfort, but candles seem unnecessary in that moment. It did look romantic though. Caroline made Tyler promise they would eventually have sex in an actual bed. Then the pillow talk turned serious. Tyler won’t know if he’s truly broken the sire bond with Klaus until he tests it. He feels different, more like himself. And he does sound less douchey when he talks. He said now that he’s turned like 100 times in the Appalachian Mountains, he can get through anything. Good. Caroline told him what happens if you kill an Original, and that while she cares that Tyler would die if Klaus goes, Damon doesn’t. Welcome home!

Caroline’s mother agreed to let Tyler stay with them — on the couch — until the bloodline situation was determined. Tyler found the drawing Klaus did of Caroline and a horse and deemed it creepy, but also wondered why Caroline had kept it. That’s a fair question. Or like, why did she not hide it when she found out her boyfriend was coming home? Or, why didn’t she just tell him that Klaus was trying to woo her? I suppose she doesn’t want Tyler to do something stupid and confront Klaus. But hey, shouldn’t this make him more eager to break his bond officially? Tyler said he was going to find someplace else to spend the night. I say head over to Matt’s.

Your turn. What did you think of the episode? Was the Damon-Elena scene the hottest scene of the series to date? Do you think Damon will really be able to not self-sabotage? Are you already a fan of the Rebesther twist? How great are these last three episodes going to be? (Click here for a preview of them courtesy of Julie Plec.)